The reality of working from home when you have a cat

My friend moved to New Zealand a few weeks ago and ever since our ongoing joke is that he's a time traveller and is experiencing the future. It tickles me every time he says "hello from the future".

Plushes with sad and happy choices are a game changer when you have a kid who struggles to express himself. TJ showed me the black/sad side at bedtime. Didn't really know why he was sad just knew he was. We had a little chat, talked through some stuff and then he flipped it to the happy/green side.

If i hear Avada Kedavra one more time this weekend I might blow a gasket.

Schnyder and I are wounded birds

Found two of these super nerdy star trek gun things amongst my kids' stuff whilst clearing old crap out of their room... who THE FUCK are Chris and Jess?!?

My brother Garry has dementia and is currently lost somewhere in the Chester area. If anyone should spot him please call the police on 999. We'd appreciate reposts. @shitchester.bsky.social

Why are moustaches back?

Not rude things, a thread:

Sent this to my boss when I resigned from the dental surgery. #totp

I was in a meeting today and just like the Cat from Red Dwarf I sensed some food. I could not focus on the meeting because it smelt like cheese and onion pies and I LOVE cheese and onion pies. As soon as I got off the call I followed my nose and discovered a bag of samosas someone had brought in.

If anyone is feeling generous we're about £20 off our target!

3 more orders going out tomorrow morning. It's been a while since I've been able to say that! Thank you all for the recent likes and shares, it's like the olden days!! #AlwaysGrateful

When I was in 6th form I really disliked a girl in my form who bullied me. She had a crush on Steven Gerrard. My revenge was to put together a groceries page called "stevieGisaminger.com". I feel bad for him because he was just collateral in my war against the bully.

I would like a medal because the fuel light just came on in my car and instead of waiting until it flashed and there was 0 miles left, I drove straight to the petrol station and actually put fuel in.

This is so powerful - the act of distancing yourself from the enablers. Networks of abusers exist in all walks of life - so many of them are passively maintained by people who choose to look the other way. If there is any legacy of the Epstein files, I hope it will involve bold stances like this.

Anyone want this baby? Printed for a craft fair but the audience were not my type of people!!

Do they still.make anything to play/convert these on?! Just found it amongst a pile of stuff!

Having intelligent, inquisitive children is wonderful but does mean you find cups of vinegar mixed with a variety of substances lying around the house all the time and I really don't like the smell of vinegar. Why can't water be as exciting for experiments?! (Don't mention that fizzy metal!)

I went to Warwick market. Less than half the normal stalls. My favourite the Syrian man who sells falafel wasn't there. Found out the market organisers had advised non white traders to stay away because of a neo nazi protest in the centre of town. I don't know if I want to live here anymore.

Imagine having so much money that you can claim to not recall receiving a payment of £75000.

Found the new Cilla Black. www.facebook.com/share/r/16vb...

Been shamed into tidying up my downstairs office space. Am working through stuff from when I was in charge of mum's estate. Stumbled upon these beauties from the late 90s!! Is there anything more of its time?!

The Robbie Williams video about calling her back. Pretty sure she's from Greasby on the Wirral and therefore the dialling code would be 0151!

Drawn a few days before my 40th birthday

TJ'S football team had a sponsor for their rain jackets but because it is a pub (though definitely more restaurant than pub) the FA said they can't sponsor them. My colleagues suggested pooling the money, so if you can help at all, I'd be very very grateful www.paypal.com/pools/c/9mcx...

TJ'S football team had a sponsor for their rain jackets but because it is a pub (though definitely more restaurant than pub) the FA said they can't sponsor them. My colleagues suggested pooling the money, so if you can help at all, I'd be very very grateful www.paypal.com/pools/c/9mcx...

Drinks only (decaf) coffee all morning, no water, then wonders why she gets a migraine.

I love interacting with Pieroth Wines sales guys. They start out so enthusiastic, asking how your weekend was, telling you about theirs and then as soon as they've finished their pitch and you say not interested they don't even say buy, they just hang up!

Duck footstool anyone? craftysharp.etsy.com

Still available if anyone is interested

Got 4 of these badboys in a Too Good To Go bag last night. Each one is 21 SWIPS on slimming world. I'd happily eat all four of them and get weighed at 4lbs extra on Wednesday they're THAT good.

TJ has a "playdate" today. Their playing so far has consisted of chemistry experiments with various things that I'm not sure are entirely meant to be combined but they seem super happy. Also I think I birthed the king of the nerds.

Today I dropped off some mugs to a newly opened café whose entire existence is down to them losing their son as a teenager. They were my gift to say "I like what you're doing and I'm sorry life is shit". They loved them and now want to buy some. I think I have discovered my new marketing plan.

Folks, I'm being forced to clear up my garage to make it more usable! Found this perfectly functional slightly misprinted cook pass babtridge mug. Any takers? I'll take postage costs!

The children have been ruined by the following joke I saw on Instagram. "My friend Tony told me not to say his name backwards" "I said ynot"

Been on a roller coaster tonight. Found out Sindhu Vee is performing down the road. Went to the Arts Centre website, all tickets sold out. Tried googling to see if there were any on resale. Found a ticket on 4th row on the official ticket site. Wahooooo!

Why I am the right person to be on a school PTA. For context, school (as most if not all schools are these days...) is a totally nut free environment. We are planning something with chocolate bars.

This man is my new absolute favourite thing and I laugh at all of his stuff. So you must now watch him. www.facebook.com/share/r/1Ku3...

The pub with the "parties of 1 or more will have gratuity applied against their will" policy also has a big sign on the door saying no labour MP's will be served there. I forgot who owns it and now I've remembered I don't think I'll be going back.

If i made teeny cards for my shoppe, would people buy them? 💌

The upside of this restaurant is that if you go out and forget to be there, no service charge will be added to your bill.

Took Lightning to the vet earlier as she's been a but under the weather. As a sociopath/cat she already hates almost everything and everyone. In walks Toby, a big brown dog with a very loud bark. Presumably also not a fan of being probed. Lightning did not enjoy the experience.

Cards for your beloved or your crush or the little gnome-thing that lives under your bed 💘👹 hellohalloweeno.etsy.com

My child at 7am "I absolutely must have a black erasable pen and none of the other 60000 pens in the house except that one pen will do"

i hope the first one works because i just don’t think i can fit a second one in there

Towards end of Christmas I was contacted by someone my PT knew regarding printing something. She managed to buy the item preprinted in the end. But has contacted me with a football top that either she picked up at a market or has tried to fudge herself and asked me to help clean it up. Um...no!!

There is an entry in my calendar on 21st February that says simply "Scrabble" why would I put this in here and what could it possibly mean?!?