A story in three parts

Good evening Hammersmith!

If you could please do us a favour and RT (or whatever it is on here) my writing CV I would be extremely grateful. I am a very capable writer of words, mainly “humorous”’ and if you have some PROPER paid work for me, please DM me. Thank you for your time www.mathew-owen.co.uk

All rise for the new Archbishop of Canterbury

Call me a prude if you want to, but I do think it's really weird to use your conference speech to list your favourite wanking euphemisms

I can publicly declare that I would like to have Shane Lowry’s babies #RyderCup2025

Dear American golf fans….fuck off with your “get in the hole” bullshit. Thank you. #RyderCup

Post a happy TV theme that you like youtu.be/yg1Cx26-928?...

@whenisbirths.bsky.social Your book prompts me to recall that I have this original Bros boot bottle top! I don’t know how I have it, but I do! At the height of Bros-mania I was watching Bon Jovi at MK Bowl when they were playing Wembley Stadium on the same day, so they were definitely not ‘my bag’!

Saw Luke Morley (Thunder) last night in London; fantastic band he’s got together there. He’s one of Britain’s most under-appreciated consistently good writers and performers of the past 35 years.

The new #Peperami adverts trying to ape the original ‘classic’ ad voice with a third rate piss poor impression of Ade Edmondson is an absolute disgrace.

Wouldn’t fucking recommend it.

Just caught this little fella chillin’ on the fence post at the end of the garden! 🙂 #squirrel

To Slightly Stun a Mockingbird

🎶 “washing machines live longer with….” Disclaimer: do not test this theory.

What people think the 80s were like versus what the 80s was actually like.

I’m not a hugely political animal, so whenever I keep hearing talk of a new left wing movement, my mind always first imagines this:

For an informative reality check on what the 80s were *really* like, my new book #IntoTheGroove traces the decade's pop history, month-by-month. Out on Thursday 2 October.

You can keep your new old Anthology thanks - I’m more excited for this upcoming surround mix release of this masterpiece!!

#bridgeoflies First contestant with questions on musicians and their bands, boasts that she’s a club/cabaret singer so will get them right…on 1st question thinks Martin Kemp was in Wham! 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

📣 New Podcast! "Colin and Brian - Small Boats Crisis" on @Spreaker #asylumseekers #carryon #cheekyconversations #colinandbrian #comedy #comedypodcast #doubleentendreduo #filthyfun #innuendoinsights #laughsandnews #newswithatwist #oooomatron #podcast #reformuk #smallboats #smuttytalk #starmer

‘Brought to you in association with the ‘Guild of Indoor Pigs’, we are proud to present….

Do I get next to no engagement here because I don’t post much original content, or do I not post much original content cos I don’t get any engagement when I do?! 🤷‍♂️ Regardless, I continue to enjoy the thoughts/musings/work of the great folks I follow here, & engaging on their stuff anyway! 😊

Stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you happiness.

England shouldn’t have had a sniff of this game at the start of the day….then got to a position where we really should never lose it…now realistically looking again like we could lose it! 😬 What a test match.

Duckett clearly thinks the game has to be over by lunch….good quick knock, but why not just play with a level of sense and just not keep trying the pyjama cricket shots ALL the time…no discipline to give your wicket away like that.

RIP Hulk Hogan

🤣🤣🤣

Getting married and lost for words? Here’s your saviour - book him!

Happy 78th birthday to the legendary Sir Brian May! (Picture credit: Me!)

And sticking those clacky things in between your spokes….

Remember your homeland’s heritage.

Brilliant and fascinating discussion on how ball changing should be handled (and slow play too) with @athersmike.bsky.social Kumar, Nasser, Broad

The face I'm submitting to Bluesky for verification

More matching powder in Cardiff than Bogotá last night I reckon.

Absolute Glastonbury coverage overkill last couple of weeks….now #5Live going to town on the gigs of one of the most overrated bands of all time. I thought it was a news and sports channel?

The Brain of Morbius has been announced on Blu Ray, lads.

“Coming soon to BBC Four - Gary Barlow, Westlife, and The Lighthouse Family - LIVE!”

If anyone has a podcast, a radio show, a TV show even, a press title, and they're interested in me talking about my fact-filled, entertaining breeze through the innovations of 80s pop, do get in touch. INTO THE GROOVE: THE 1980S: THE ULTIMATE DECADE OF POP HISTORY, by me, is out in the UK on 2 Oct.

I’ve always wanted to do an alternative version of ‘Its a Long Way to Tipperary’ with the title changed to ‘It’s a Wrong Way to Shave a Fanny”, PURELY because the “…farewell Leicester Square” line scans SO well to “farewell pubic hair”…must get around to that one day. How’s your day going?….

28 years since the big “ I do” - here’s to another 28! x

In the modern age of AI, ‘digital this, hifi that’ etc…I am slightly warmed by the fact that there is still a website url of www.teletextholidays.co.uk that simply refuses to budge. The kids must wonder what that name is all about.

Absolutely blessed to have these two home today for Father’s Day x

Needed something to have a good laugh at right now, and this did the job superbly last night! - thank you @gregdaviescomedian.bsky.social #gregdavies #fullfatlegend

How I take criticism

So pleased I got to see Brian Wilson perform, and collect an award, (along with a stellar line up of other artists) at the 2004 U.K. Music Hall of Fame #RIPBrian

It’s a bit much to have a whole summit for just one chord isn’t it…