The Struttin Duck in Auburn

Man they put their whole foot in this year’s Covid booster and flu shot. I can feel my immune system working overtime.

Not enough politicians grew up with their mom as their first bully and it shows.

Why can’t our parents distinguish between a legitimate business and a very poorly disguised scam? (Mostly online but also everywhere.)

Let’s help Dawn do good work!

Aw the flag at work is at half staff, what a nice tribute to Robert Redford.

Now that I’m grown I can do things like take myself to Waffle House

The Golden Girls and I both made our debut 40 years ago today. I couldn’t possibly be in better company.

There’s a whole musical about it even

I just found out that my best friend’s stepson, who has been a D1 athlete until 2 weeks ago so barred from gambling on college sports, has been feeding his uncles picks for years. At a SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT success rate. And the uncles haven’t so much as slipped him a twenty dollar bill in thanks.

Celebrated my impending birthday with my mom tonight - excellent dinner followed by a 60th anniversary screening of the Sound of Music. After growing up watching it on VHS tapes recorded off the TV, including commercials, it was lovely to see it on the big screen. Especially that one part.

Just went to Publix wearing green and the cart guy said “girl you need to come on and clock in with that dress.”

Lord, I see what you’ve done for others….

Immaculate vibes

I love the TikTok algorithm because most of the time it kinda stays down the middle of your interests but then every once in awhile it catches a vibe from your 2006 life and suddenly you’re on “the dance from the wedding in 8 Seconds” TikTok on a Tuesday morning.

And honestly thank god it was a different Carolina this season because tonight’s game needed the solo spotlight to be fully appreciated.

Sorry you’re in some boring living room

Don’t worry, we still have the ultimate Guy, @rouxgarou.bsky.social who knows allll the Guys you need.

Assembling ham and poppyseed sliders in the living room so I can watch Gameday

I’ll give somebody $100 to show up to Gameday with a sign for Allah.

REMINDER FOR YTTV USERS: If you’re wondering “why is everyone ahead of me?!” remember to change your broadcast delay settings in your playback options You are welcome

I respect Corso so much that I’m enduring watching Pat McAfee.

Ok but who is closer to death, Hugh Freeze or…?

Ok I like this Auburn QB but the booth needs to tap the brakes on the Cam Newton comparisons, this is week 1.

God I hope that’s an omen

Live your life such that everyone doesn’t spend ten solid years planning the rager they’re going to throw when you die.

Hey I bet like zero percent of the student body gets the reference when they play Bad Boys for an away team penalty.

I like RGIII in the booth but I do not like that RGIII is old enough to be in the booth.

This Auburn QB does not look like he’d be able to run like that.

Ideal off day weather

Montee Ball was great in the booth

It’s actually in the Constitution that at least one Carolina team has to play on opening Thursday night

Omg new generation of Grammatica kickers

It’s football season so I’m seeing TV ads for the first time since bowl season and obviously I have thoughts. What monetary fiasco befell Billy Bob Thornton such that he would appear with that sad haircut in a T-Mobile commercial?

RT if you also wish ill upon JK Rowling.

Diet Pepsi by Ben Platt

Ben Platt : Diet Pepsi :: Michael Caine : Muppet Christmas Carol

Telling the family dog “Your mother is on my last nerve” when my mom annoys me.

My other one is that apparently I’m such a good tipper in comparison to the rest of the clientele at my nail salon that when I walk in, they treat me like I have an appointment and get 2 people working on my hands and feet immediately.

What’s your dumbest superiority complex? Mine is that I’m better than you because my house was built in the 1870s.

I wish the Democrats would figure out how to fight fascism somewhere else besides in my text messages.

The tabs of fall

This will be on my Spotify Wrapped

Somebody just emailed me about a list of tasks to be completed by 10+ people at our site by tomorrow at noon. We work every other Friday so half the people on this list will be off tomorrow. She’s lucky I didn’t just reply with a voice memo of me laughing.

Who wore it better?

Do a cannonball

I thought last Labor Day weekend was the last time I would participate in a summertime move but lo and behold here it is August and I’m helping my cousin move into her fancy new house.

Sometimes I sing “I dried my hair” to the tune of Celine Dion’s “I Drove All Night.”

Dateline: “The mom didn’t feel able to go identify the child’s body, so she gave that task to her eldest daughter.” Eldest daughters across the world: “of fucking course she did.”

I finally own exactly one house, which is the perfect number of houses.