student loan website doesn't even work, what am I supposed to do here

Pixar should make up for Coco by putting out a Ratatouille-style movie about how making shoes is creative and fulfilling.

You should be allowed to leave meetings that are boring no questions asked. In fact everyone should get mad at the guy running the meeting for failing to make it interesting.

Me to Pandora: yes, ok I like "Marshmallow World" by Darlene Love. But how many fucking times do you think I want to hear it in a week? Weak fucking algorithm! *Pandora plays Mannheim Steamroller "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" for the 42nd time today* Me: good robot

They should make a version of chess without the knight so you can play easy mode and not get pissed off by some confusing bouncy horseshit.

The weeks of endless secrets, lies and subterfuge are finally behind us. Merry Christmas.🎄

*being of blinding light appears before me* I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD. BE NOT AFRAID. Me: why'd you make my feet get clammy when they're cold so they stay cold even in socks? I AM THE ALPHA AND OME-- Me: *pulls a knife* answer the question

Guy who ignored his grandma when she was alive and now talks to a chatbot wearing her skin.

Having a medical test this morning so I can't have breakfast. Just sentence me to death.

It's weird that our entire economy is based on ads because I doubt they even work anymore.

They never tell you that when you get older you start to really hate being mildly cold or hot.

Seems to me Americans are annoyed by whichever party is in charge since they're currently working to make your life bad.

"Disclose" is giving me hope that they don't have mine already.

Society would collapse if we took this advice.

Swinging my leg back as a counterbalance when I bend down to pick up a nickel and kicking a pregnant woman in the belly.

@aynrandy.boontavista.com I have listened to and enjoyed the podcast. It may fit in nicely to my "housework" slot.

Was Project Gutenberg gutted by that flumpy floo guy? Says it has 75,000 books which seems like a very low number of books.

Suburban guys in cowboy hats are kind of in distinct to me from suburban guys in pirate hats. You look silly dude.

Paul Dano is decent, doesn't really thrill me or let me down. But he has that Leo quality where him choosing to be in a movie makes me think the movie will be good.

Those cringe hipster restaurants called Egg Slut or whatever are fulfilling the Idiocracy prophecy about Fuddruckers slowly evolving into Buttfuckers.

I appreciate that every social media service actively encourages me to do something less aggravating with my time.

Learning to draw and do voices so I can make a cartoon about a slow loris named Slow Doris and she's dumb as hell.

The overinvestment in AI is an expression of the age-old capitalist dream to eliminate the workers' labour from capital, thus maximising the amount of surplus value going to capital, completely oblivious to the fact that this, if achievable, would destroy capitalism by eliminating value itself.

~a scene from the marital bed~ Me: babe I can hear your earbuds from here. You're gonna damage your eardrums. Wife: I don't have them in it's just my phone Me: (sleeping pills hitting) yrr gun damge yur earjums Wife: God I want you to fuck me so bad

Tell these guys to shut the fuck up

Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes

The elf brings my children joy, yet I can't help but hate him.

Remember when Inception dropped and a million reddit sleuths tried to prove which was the "true" ending?

Ron Howard's Grinch was the first time it even occurred to me that a movie could have bad lighting.

Some guys love to drive slow in the left lane and then complain the drivers passing on the right are nasty.

I love being yelled at by randos and not knowing how to react.

I like to give death stares to babies I see in public because if you smile they just look away bored but it's a dangerous game.

Responded to this confidently with 2 wrong answers before seeing the reply that already solved it. That's why I'm da chess masta

A revelation to me was realizing "great artists steal" doesn't mean they shamelessly copy as Tarantino suggests here, it means once they borrow an idea they do it so well it belongs to them in the public consciousness.

My hot take for Bluesky is they should have kept the invite system

Not to be the 'it was always about power' guy, but...

Santigold Ben Folds Electric Six Dengue Fever The Flaming Lips

We are the Daughters of the Confederacy you couldn't burn.

After 15 years I have finally unsubscribed from the "Asbjoern at A Sound Effect" newsletter that I got from downloading Audacity, having never read a single one of them.

As a Thanksgiving purist this year I am embracing the ephemeral chaos of life by visiting my brother and not even asking what he's making.

They did live tracking in Texas Republican focus groups as they read out the Shamwow Guy's bio, and it tested through the ROOF

1300s dmt: and then god cast me downe into the fyres and a great horne did play and a drum did sound 1970s dmt: and then there were these clockwork elves who taught us great wisdoms man 2030s dmt: and then our ubereats driver turned out to be the same guy as our Lyft driver from earlier

Going to have to quibble here, seeds are not the harvest. Come on man.

It's still shocking to see how fast this happens. Once you debase yourself by bullying the vulnerable the guilt just rockets you through a spiral of increasingly enraged bigotry.

You might not like it that trans people aren't willing to sacrifice themselves but a lot of them (and many allies) won't. You can't say you don't accept people holding their votes contingent; that's exactly what the transphobes who you're trying to win over by appealing to their bigotry are doing.

Museums should stop displaying their collections as if patrons will view them, and start designing them for robbers who will be stealing them.

Liberals will literally ask "what are you going to do, stab me again?"