What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

I've been binge watching episodes of "Kolchak: The Night Stalker" lately. I find it interesting that the theme song starts off bright and jaunty but turns menacing when Kolchak starts writing on his typewriter.

Oh dear god....

Me when the Rapture starts

The Wicker Man (remake, 2006).

Looking forward to seeing reposted TikTok videos tomorrow of people staring into the camera and saying, "Well...so, I didn't get raptured yesterday."

My elevator pitch: James Bond is tasked with stopping a terrorist organization from dumping a supply of Tylenol into the Paris water supply. Box office boffo!!

I'm not sure this is going to stem the tide of Disney+ account cancellations.

If you're planning on being Raptured tomorrow, can I have your TV?

This is Annie. She freaking loves fall. 13/10 (FB: James Osborne)

Chuckie Finster, nooooooooo!!!

Diplomatic groveling.

MST3K has helped me get through some tough times, making me laugh when there was absolutely nothing in life to laugh about. A simple "thank you" just doesn't seem sufficient enough.

When I was younger I had no interest in watching “The Sting.” It had ragtime music, that’s my grandparents’ stuff. Then I watched the movie and it’s fucking amazing. RIP, Mr. Redford.

Mmmmmm...cheesecake boat.

I doubt the creation of new Hoovervilles is going to result in that many new construction jobs.

It’s time for ViagraTrax!

I love how the #MST3K app doesn’t have Robert Lowell listed as “Jimmy Wilson” in the credits. #IAccuseMyParents

Sometimes closed captioning goes wrong. #Eegah #MST3K #TiresNotTies

Don Gundrey was the cinematographer for this film, and it's his only credit on IMDB. I absolutely can't figure out why.

I understand Iran gifted TOW missiles to the newlyweds.

Fredo Corleone was simply undercover to discover plots against his brother, Michael.

I absolutely hate this and hope all 43 minutes will be drunken Orson Welles Paul Masson outtakes.

The funny thing here is they used "The Honorable" on his name card. My bullshit detector just exploded.

Mourners Unaware They Burying Knockoff Giorgio Armani

Until a few years ago I had no idea my grandfather and great aunt had an older brother. He died in 1914 at the age of 4 due to cardiac issues related to diphtheria. We now vaccinate kids to prevent that, and it makes me want to ask "WTAF is wrong with you?" to those who think vaccines are a bad idea

So, RFK Jr breathes like Darth Vader but without the mask and helmet, is that correct?

If being off from work on Monday has thrown you off, here's a reminder of what day it is.

Like I want to spend 90 minutes watching try-hard campers shooting people in the back, hackers running around with aimbots, and people having an entire mags worth of bullets emptied into them without dying. This promises to be a bigger turd than what the game has turned into.

Using one photo already on your phone, what is the announcement tomorrow at 2?

We’ll know something’s up when there’s just a Ouija board on the Resolute Desk.

What are the odds UNC takes Bill Belichick’s girlfriend away tomorrow?

Amazingly his underwear managed to stay on!

What if trump hasn’t been seen in public for a few days because his tariffs have eliminated his supply of bronzer?

Sure signs that college football has returned to your campus.

But she believes RFK Jr has learned his lesson and won't repeat his actions.

Can we just go ahead and call it Honky Barrel?

"We pick up more trash before 9 am than most people do all day!"

Try Subway's new Five Dollar No Bill! I guess that joke falls flat if you're not familiar with legal terminology.

Normally you don’t see a video of a guy getting fellated like this outside of PornHub.

Y’all are wild

Fall arrives soon, the weather will turn cold…

As a man who once decapitated one, RFK Jr knows all about whales.

Hüsker Dü releasing '1985: The Miracle Year' 4-LP live box set via Numero Group (hear 4 songs) www.brooklynvegan.com/husker-du-re...

The crossover event we've been waiting for!

Tyranny is when the store won't sell you your favorite boxed wine because you can't produce an ID.

See ya, Jim!

I only accept bribes that come in drawstring burlap bags with a large dollar sign on the side.