My first day working at AWS is going great. For some reason they had a lot of computers plugged in that nobody was using, so I’ve started an initiative to lower our carbon footprint

If that AWS outage ruins my Duolingo streak, I will spontaneously combust.

Happy Diwali! 🪔

Nice to see that the 5 pack of Billy beer in my Dad‘s basement is still there.

Shout out to the guys putting the roof on my neighbor’s house. Literally shout out, because that’s all they are doing.

Someone left a paper plate with a full uneaten slider on a neighbor’s lawn by the curb. It took all that was in me to hold back 20lbs (combined) of terrier sled dog strength while we walked.

If you can afford a cybertruck, you can afford a real therapist jfc

Life hack. Drop and break the glass container full of whole cloves. Each use of the vacuum after that, you’ll get a pleasant smell.

Come back again and wake me up at about half past May.

Do the Bills need me to play? At least it would add comedic value.

Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/

Pretty sure someone older than my Dad is controlling the waiting room tunes at this doctor’s office.

More of this please.

Take a seat ebay. You are out of control.

Both snacks eaten before 8:30. Going to be a long morning. #cubelife

What's the worst 'vegan option' you've been offered? 🎤 Via: originally by @veganshumor

Geese flying south, sunrise after 7am and a mediocre pool swim means fall is here.

@ericmeagan.bsky.social Is it too late to get a Many Lite hoodie?

🐇🐇🐇

Not bad.

“Let us eat one last cookie, and then we will stop.”

Chose to be responsible and not get arrested today after running past local nazi Kevin over 590.

Worst rapture ever. 0/10

Been working. Did I miss the rapture? Or is it delayed in traffic?

Is there a weight limit for the rapture? Deciding whether or not to carb up for this.

Wearing a cape tomorrow—just in case 👀

Also Venmow me please.

Guess who never brings enough bags to the grocery store.

not going to worry about the rapture unless Waffle House closes

What’s all this rapture business?

Spider on the back up cam caused a slight freak out (by me).

Party Mow. Home folding clothes on a Saturday night. AMA.

A++ weather and show.

Second cup of half caf in. Watch out world.

11:11 Bills win. And goodnight

“Maybe I met him on some boys’ trip? I feel like I’ve seen his penis before. Have we ever gone swimming at the same time? You have a mole right here under your rib cage, right?” said Trump

@djdresden.clownpenis.monster isn’t it about time for your fake Fringe Fest event?

you'll never get fired for posting a robert redford quote

These salad greens taste very ‘earthy’. Such a sad salad for lunch.

Driving out to the ‘burbs after work for a FB marketplace purchase. So obviously I’m going to get killed. Nice knowing y’all.

Happy Friday.

“Do not be afraid,” said Frog. “I will be with you on the sled. It will be a fine, fast ride. Toad, you sit in front. I will sit right behind you.”

Summer isn’t over yet you haters.

Have a Great Day Y'all 💪🏽

Jerks!

Great latte and scone (not pictured) from Little House!

Great night for a ballgame.

Not the first time I've heard that.

Best response please.

RIP Brent Hines. Ugh.