My mind is numb and my body is in pain after, for the millionth time, spending all day changing affiliate links on my blog. So many programs have closed, changed, companies folded... and then ALL my links break unless I change them. It never ends.

HE HAS A NEW SCENE TODAY, AND IT'S A THREESOME. I know what my reward for working today is...

Soooo, sounds like this post is ACTUALLY HAPPENING??? I heard back from CockyBoys and they love the idea. I haven't been energized to write something like this in so long.

It takes a lot for a sex toy to make me jolt backward and go "WOW. WOW... WOW." But this one did it. Made me stare at my screen in horrified awe. shevibe.pxf.io/PzRyLY

People say Heated Rivalry is “just porn,” but what if it ACTUALLY WAS? What if I wrote a blog post about porn scenes that match the sex scenes in Heated Rivalry? And performers who look and act like Ilya and Shane? I feel like the masses need this...

Y'all I'm in trouble, I think I'm in love with @kanefox.bsky.social. I'm bingeing his scenes like it's fucking Netflix and I'm gonna run out... join.cockyboys.com/track/NDAwMT...

Well here we are. WordPress 7.0 and they've added AI. Now it's like 2 clicks and you can ask a computer to write your entire website for you. I am dying, you guys. The writer in me is SCREAMING.

Someone commented on my incestuous fanfic on AO3: "such potential waisted on incest fic??? 😭😭😭" ...who's gonna tell them I've used my writing talent for QUITE A LOT of other blasphemous, possibly immoral things?

I have questions about this emoji: 🖇️ 1) why does it exist when there is already 📎? 2) why didn't I know about it? 3) why aren't we using it for scissoring???????

When did I get so old that stretching my weary bones feels almost as good as an orgasm 😩

I hate that "online videos is no longer a viable career path" is now a genre of videos, but this one from stevie boebi is a very good rundown on how being a queer content creator has been a nightmare this past decade. www.youtube.com/watch?v=jroJ...

I remember back when admitting I was into "incest" porn felt edgy AF. I had to seek it out, and in most scenes, effort was put into selling the illusion. Now it's just an oversaturated, essentially meaningless category on Pornhub. Pshhhh, I was into it before it was cool 😤

SSRIs are wild. 💊 I started Lexapro and I've gone from being able to time my orgasms down to the second, followed by more orgasms basically whenever I want, to spending an HOUR+ chasing a SINGLE orgasm.

Once, I was trapped in a Verizon store, and the sales associate found out what I do for a living. Far too delighted, she launched into a whole spiel about a male friend of hers who started a business for mailing a dildo to your enemies. 😑

HEY I'm still waiting on reviews of my Sims porn. COME ON, PEOPLE, VALIDATE MY WEIRDNESS

Okay, freaks! Here's the Sims porn I shot and edited! Set in a beach house on a romantic vacation, it's 14 minutes of making out, teasing, and lots and lots of blowjobs. What do you think, do I have natural talent or what? drive.google.com/file/d/1zy2D... #piphplayssims

YES. I make it so all Sims can use all animations. I love the auto-equipping of the strap-on.

Oh, you watch pre-shot porn of actual humans? Well *I* create my OWN PERSONAL PORN in the Sims, so there! 🤪 #piphplayssims

Today's the day I "officially" left Twitter and FB. I've been checked out for a long time, but I finally sat down and wrote a proper send-off. I wasn't content walking away from these platforms without some closure. So here's my last Twitter thread 🧵👇

🤡 Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective! 🤡 Every April Fool's, something weird has happened on my blog. Today: a hysterical look back at all my crazy jokes, from whimsical to bizarre, with behind-the-scenes details, photos, and multimedia flourishes. 🤣 piph.it/retrospective

Visible or not, I love you. I'm with you. 🏳️‍⚧️ They can't erase what I know to be true: trans people are FUCKING AMAZING. Kind. Hilarious. Inspiring. Braver than cis people in so many ways. I am deeply grateful for all my trans friends and readers. You're not alone. Keep going. #TransDayofVisibility

It’s trans day of visibility! Being visible honestly doesn’t feel safe these days! I feel like we need trans day of vengeance at this point

This #TransDayofVisibility you should give trans people some money (or even buy them a pizza) But seriously, buy our games, our books, fund our gofundmes, help us when you can. It's so rough right now for trans folks and knowing that people still care means so much.

today is the trans day of visibility and now is a good time to remember that trans people built this place into what it is I would not have made this my new internet home if I had not met so many kind, wonderful trans people here and made friends with them let them live their damn lives in peace

Took me 35 years but I finally used my own fingers to fuck myself. I'd give it a C.

Maybe too niche, but this is one of my favorite tweets ever. I still think about it when I'm in the grocery store. 🤣

"When I'm in town, can I try some of your toys?" — @justdustyrhodes.bsky.social I took this request SERIOUSLY and made staying in my guest room a VIP experience ✨ Ask for the "naughty special" and choose your toys from my menu. They will be laid out for you, washed, with waterproof blanket & lube!

Whoever signed up Elon Musk's dumb shit for our dildo newsletter, from the bottom of our hearts: Thank you, we love you ❤️

brb signing the government up for some sweet discounts 😏

June 2016.

trying to write a dildo review and my brain just keeps going "did you know that we're doomed as a species :)" yes but I STILL HAVE WORK TO DO, SHUT UP

Currently importing my old tweets here. My 16 YEARS OF TWEETS. So uh, if you catch me saying something weird here in the next couple days, don't blame me... blame PAST ME!

I'm resharing the starter pack of reviewers I made, now with 100% more @epiphora.bsky.social go.bsky.app/DHunSg5

Lovers of fanfic: once your post-nut clarity wears off, don't forget to go comment on the fic that did it for you. 🍒 Writers on AO3 are working tirelessly to give us these orgasms!

Hey, I'm Piph! 👋 I masturbate for a living so you can find the best sex toys! 🌈 Read my work: piph.it 🏆 Fave toys: piph.it/faves 💖 Fave shops: piph.it/shops 💸 Sales + deals: piph.it/deals 📸 IG: piph.it/insta

Have you awoken from your food coma? Barely? Hey, that’s enough! Feast your eyes (and genitals) on the best sex toy deals of the year: bit.ly/piphbf2024

Food is cool and all, but have you tried ORGASMS? Feast your eyes on this beautiful dildo pile, and let it inspire you to find the perfect toy this Black Friday. 🪐 Enjoy epic sales from my fave retailers. Get anything your heart and genitals desire! bit.ly/piphbf2024

💙🩵💙🩵 V O T E 💙🩵💙🩵 Need specifics on how to vote in your state? 🗳️ I've been volunteering with @Swifties4Kamala and I'm very proud of this page I helped with—featuring in-depth info by state:🌊 Take care of yourselves today/this week, friends. 💗 swifties4kamala.com/youre-not-alon…

TRICK OR TREAT! 🍬 I have a new blog post, taking you inside a Halloween-themed sex party! When I was invited, I was told to "bring dildos," and I did not take the request lightly. But the dildos were just the beginning. 🔮 Read about that magical night: bit.ly/3AsSkS3

New post! A spine-tingling installment of my "queer sex party chronicles" series: PUMPKIN SPICE ORGY. 🎃 It's the raunchiest yet, featuring first-time fisting, an impeccably-timed orgasm, and the hottest deep throat action of my life: bit.ly/3AsSkS3

Another year older, another year gayer. 🌈 38 today and happier in my skin. ❤️🧡🤍🩷 So grateful for all of you.

Chappell Roan referencing wands and rabbits in a queer-as-fuck song > Katy Perry's Womanizer product placement in a male-gaze-y video for a song produced by a rapist

Have you ever seen such a beautiful rainbow gradient?! 🏳️‍🌈 Check out these limited edition beauties from queer-owned Portland Toy Company. pdxtoyco.com/?ref=Epiphora

Hear the entire history of the Magic Wand in podcast form thanks to my brilliant friend @Girly_Juice! 🎙️ Doing the lord's work. x.com/Girly_Juice/st…

Just saw a person in the comments of a song reaction video say "this beat is so urethral" I think they meant ethereal...........

Target's pride selection is shit except for these OMBRE CUPS that I WILL DEFEND WITH MY LIFE

Hear me out. Porn-watching???

Damn, they did these cock rings DIRTY in their product description

You ever cry so hard on a cat you startle them?