“My brain made me think about gorillas, but I don’t remember the context” -my wife, while we were kissing

My wife will drink expired milk before she drinks water.

My wife made me watch The Mummy, so she said next anniversary she’ll watch Cats with me >:3

Who you got winning GARch Madness??? 🐟🏀😎 Credits (photos, illustrations, design): @garlab.bsky.social team & @zankurus.bsky.social

Surprise Pap smear = immediately get a 20 oz ice coffee treat.

Too bad I really like running water and plumbing and AC and heat and tv and microwave and playing video games and eating take out and little treats and sleeping in. Otherwise I think I would really good at living in the wilderness and not dealing with this bullshit.

I deserve a treat for my getting taxes done, even though all I did was give the paperwork to my wife and choose a playlist to listen to while she did it :)

LOL.... i wanted to hear JD getting booed at the Olympics and when i searched for it on YouTube i got this

🚶‍♀️‍➡️

Hey @halfmoonjoe.com my wife’s New Year’s resolution is “be more evil.” Do you have any tips? Not that you’re evil or anything— but you ARE very creative.

it's the big day

@professorbees.bsky.social “you know who deserves a sword? Your mom. Your mom should have a sword” — my wife

I keep seeing yall going “omg our first queer president and it has to be this guy?!?” Do you…. Do you not know who Bill Clinton is??? The other half of that story? I’m not saying he sets the standard higher than Trump, but i AM saying that Trump ain’t first.

NO AMOUNT OF NOSTALGIA IS WORTH TRANS LIVES. If I see any of you hoes consumin’ any amount of HP content this holiday season, it’s over. Stop supporting terfs and funding hate. I’m so over it.

Legit thought Dick Cheney was already dead????? Wild.

Wish I could bring my squatty potty to public bathrooms :/

I study Tony Hawk’s picture so I will never be one of those fools that doesn’t recognize him when he’s in public but NOT with a skateboard.

“Sometimes you just gotta accept you reach too close to the sun…. With your mouth.” Wife

There’s no way eating 2-4 cups of lentils a day will backfire on me. It’s a normal amount of fiber.

@queerlavender.bsky.social @beanotafraid.bsky.social here

Physically, im here at work. Mentally? I’m fighting Remi the Rat.

I’m learning so many new alt right vocabulary words this week that I definitely did not want or need to know 🙃

“He’s got dripping wet orphan vibes— I feel like he’s gonna get pushed into a big plate of spaghetti later,” - my wife, speaking about Ethan Nestor

“Is the devil a crab??? Carcinogens strike again!!! ….wait that’s not the right… ….. that’s not the right word. But my brain is only supplying “crucifixion”….. what’s the word? CRABIFICATION!” — wife. “Incarceration? None of these are the right word…” — wife

My wife, using my hair brush because she can’t find hers; “travelhood of the sistering hairbrush.”

“Good job all horses!” -my wife

Sexy Watto isn’t the hero we deserve, but he’s the hero we need. ✨manifesting😘✨

Hey @professorbees.bsky.social , your Ted Cruz Mpreg art came up a few times tonight at dinner during the in-person lesbian group chat meal at outback. Everyone thought it was totally normal and thinks very highly of you, and by extension, me :-)

One critic of the prequel trilogy. How did Anakin get a wife and keep her secret? All I do is blabber on about “my wife this” and “my wife that.” You’re telling me he had a wife— a PREGNANT wife, and didn’t shout it from the roof tops? Too unrealistic.

Bristle nose catfish: #AGoodPlace Source: www.reddit.com/r/oddlysatis...

Big shout out to the retired lesbian couple who gifted us a squatty potty for our bridal shower. You were right, it is a major game changer.

“Could you imagine if I ate sand right now?” - wife

“I’m God’s dumbest horse” —my wife, with very little context in the parking lot this morning.

“I genuinely don’t remember, did Alexander actually crawl out a window in that movie?” -wife, befuddled about the Hamilton Soundbite Trend

“You’re gettin’ ratatouille-ed by a ladybug!” -my wife

“Time to go write a mystery novel~ just like……. Uh….,, Angela Lansbury!” -my wife

Make a weird zine. It's good for you.

My wife, eating trail mix: “I threw off the balance! I keep hoping for a raisin, but it’s just m&m, m&m, M&M!!!!!!” D;

Today I reached up to touch my earring and found it Not There. I am unsure if I had one in and lost it, or never put one in to begin with. Both options are very likely.

Good morning Bluesky…

“I’m so tired my brain isn’t even singing songs,” -my wife

“Trevor Salmon the knife salesman won’t leave me alone ( •̀ - •́ ) “ -my wife

“If I could explode things with my brain it would be over for you hooooooes!” -my beautiful wife

I’m just a girl, standing in front of you, asking you to grate parmesan into my mouth like a deranged baby bird

Last day of pride, everyone hit a straight person with your car

I wish there was a cheese grater emoji. I think I would use it frequently.

Why does my discovery page keep recommending middle age white men showing off their record collection/set up? What did I do to make Bluesky think that I have any interest in that? JUST SHOW ME FISH!