ANOTHER GIRL LYING/NOT BEING UP FRONT ABOUT BEING MARRIED OR ENGAGED WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

Another day of being the hottest member of the Office of Statewide Pretrial Ssrvices

Sorry I can’t come over tonight. I have to smoke weed, get scared, and be haunted by all the love that could have been

Slept with a girl into puppy play ONE (1) time and now the advertisement gods think I own a dog

NO AMOUNT OF NOSTALGIA IS WORTH TRANS LIVES. If I see any of you hoes consumin’ any amount of HP content this holiday season, it’s over. Stop supporting terfs and funding hate. I’m so over it.

Officially added “They/Them/Theirs” to my email signature The woke gay agenda is alive and well in the state of IL

buck and eddie like and share if you agree 🔛🔝

Friends with benefits but the benefits are that i make soup, we fall in love, and then adopt 20 cats

i love being gay

Telling my Finch app what a good boy I am

Spending the day ripping flooring up with my bare hands, feral girl fall is HERE

SHOUTOUT TO ME WHO FINALLY GOT TO A 700 CREDIT SCORE

“Imagine a corn dog, swaddled in a manger.” -Téa

Legit thought Dick Cheney was already dead????? Wild.

Hey so turns out I have the “Only matches with people 80+ miles away from me” gene and let me tell you it FUCKING SUCKS

aaAHHHHH

My landlord once a month

god i am so fucking gay someone put me out of my misery PLS

My wife just equated Trump building the ballroom as “leaving his mark like that one guy who left ‘skid marks’ on that girl’s sheets.”

The only person allowed to have an opinion is Kay Poyer

It only took watching 1 (one) episode of hit tv show 9-1-1 before a voice told me to make this meme

She Amazon on my Web Services till I crash

There’s no way eating 2-4 cups of lentils a day will backfire on me. It’s a normal amount of fiber.

“Sometimes you just gotta accept you reach too close to the sun…. With your mouth.” Wife

Brb, rotating a 3d model of @jetbug.bsky.social in my mind

Oliver Stark:

Btw I got in a wreck :( I’m okay but Shelly needs repairs :(

Got paid to rub an ankle bracelet in dirt today

“Oh no, I thought you were going to live tweet [bluesky] and I was like ‘OH NOOO, NOT MY SINS!’ “ —my wife

Cedric’s best friend just explained spaghetti pie to me and all I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK

Physically, im here at work. Mentally? I’m fighting Remi the Rat.

Anyone else feel like they’re being dragged behind a truck flying a MAGA flag down a rocky backwoods road that leads to nowhere

“Is the devil a crab??? Carcinogens strike again!!! ….wait that’s not the right… ….. that’s not the right word. But my brain is only supplying “crucifixion”….. what’s the word? CRABIFICATION!” — wife. “Incarceration? None of these are the right word…” — wife

My wife, using my hair brush because she can’t find hers; “travelhood of the sistering hairbrush.”

“Good job all horses!” -my wife

Sexy Watto isn’t the hero we deserve, but he’s the hero we need. ✨manifesting😘✨

One critic of the prequel trilogy. How did Anakin get a wife and keep her secret? All I do is blabber on about “my wife this” and “my wife that.” You’re telling me he had a wife— a PREGNANT wife, and didn’t shout it from the roof tops? Too unrealistic.

Don’t even talk to me if you don’t fuck with Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way

Blessed be the Crab that Rans the goons

cuttin up in the lesbian gc today if you even care @beanotafraid.bsky.social

Who up blueing they sky

Anyway who up Zohraning they Mamdani

I know I’m a woman because I know @trashcannie.bsky.social wouldn’t be caught DEAD being friends with a man

The children (adults) yearn for the mines (pickleball)

I’ve been called “Beau” twice now at my dentists office which is weird because THATS NOT MY FUCKING NAME

I’m TIRED of being strong I’m TIRED of doing the difficult thing I’m TIRED of loving people that don’t have my best interest in mind I’m TIRED

Turns out the girl that has been showing me more love and genuine care than anyone this calendar year was also LYING ABOUT BEING MARRIED

Buckle up boys, girls, and close encounters of the third kind. Bluesky is about to become my new sad girl platform

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend & remember FUCK ICE!!!