Me, listening to My Heart Will Go On: damn this song makes me want to abandon a man at sea Kristin: what’s a manitsy?

Howdy 🤠

There are too many Grateful Dead stickers in this town for it to be this fuckin hard to find psychedelics

Yeah okay then WHY DONT YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME ALREADY

Happy Valentines to all the single femmes and thems you’re all MY valentine now 😘

Just went on a date that went well with someone who actually enjoys my company and wants to be around me so yeah you can say I’m fucking pumped

Must be craving tiramisu the way I want ladyfingers in my mouth

WEEKLY REPOST TO CHARGE

Taking care of myself out of pure spite

Caught an email outage AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFORE OUR IT DEPARTMENT They need to pay me more

Tell me I’m cute please and thank you

Hey does anyone know if we have to tomorrow

I was CORRECT which has reinforced my role as a non-romanceable comedic relief npc companion

Brb, developing a crush on a girl that doesn’t want me again

Someone asked for less birds so they got BLOCKED !!! 2026 will be filled with birds !!!!

Anyways if anyone needs me I’ll be listening to this song until I cry thank you goodnight

How are all my friends married and I can’t even get a 2nd fucking date dude FUCK

Bird posting recognizes federal holidays - see u Friday

i love performing alone in my kitchen with my cats as my audience

One of these days a cute and *not married* Grab a Java barista is going to fall in love with me just you wait

i'm in the top 0.001% of yearners worldwide

Another day of being the hottest member of the Office of Statewide Pretrial Ssrvices

Sorry I can’t come over tonight. I have to smoke weed, get scared, and be haunted by all the love that could have been

Slept with a girl into puppy play ONE (1) time and now the advertisement gods think I own a dog

NO AMOUNT OF NOSTALGIA IS WORTH TRANS LIVES. If I see any of you hoes consumin’ any amount of HP content this holiday season, it’s over. Stop supporting terfs and funding hate. I’m so over it.

Officially added “They/Them/Theirs” to my email signature The woke gay agenda is alive and well in the state of IL

buck and eddie like and share if you agree 🔛🔝

Friends with benefits but the benefits are that i make soup, we fall in love, and then adopt 20 cats

i love being gay

Telling my Finch app what a good boy I am

Spending the day ripping flooring up with my bare hands, feral girl fall is HERE

SHOUTOUT TO ME WHO FINALLY GOT TO A 700 CREDIT SCORE

“Imagine a corn dog, swaddled in a manger.” -Téa

Legit thought Dick Cheney was already dead????? Wild.

Hey so turns out I have the “Only matches with people 80+ miles away from me” gene and let me tell you it FUCKING SUCKS

aaAHHHHH

My landlord once a month

god i am so fucking gay someone put me out of my misery PLS

The only person allowed to have an opinion is Kay Poyer

It only took watching 1 (one) episode of hit tv show 9-1-1 before a voice told me to make this meme

She Amazon on my Web Services till I crash

There’s no way eating 2-4 cups of lentils a day will backfire on me. It’s a normal amount of fiber.

“Sometimes you just gotta accept you reach too close to the sun…. With your mouth.” Wife

Brb, rotating a 3d model of @jetbug.bsky.social in my mind

Oliver Stark:

Btw I got in a wreck :( I’m okay but Shelly needs repairs :(

Got paid to rub an ankle bracelet in dirt today