Remember back in 2004, when Howard Dean was running for president, but Democrats were like, "Nah, we need a candidate who will appeal to on-the-fence Republicans, even though that strategy has never, ever worked," and nominated John Kerry? Good times. Anyway, I'm voting for Jasmine Crockett.

Entirely too relatable.

“A Unitarian very earnestly disbelieves in almost everything that anybody else believes, and he has a very lively sustaining faith in he doesn’t quite know what.” –W. Somerset Maugham

Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…

In retrospect, "KIDS TODAY WITH THEIR BLUE HAIR AND PRONOUNS" was possibly *not* the funniest thing to yell in the middle of a live-streamed panel discussion Also, my pronouns are they/them. Please don't come for me, Gen Z witches. #WitchSky

Our chalice lighting words from November, which, we have been told, might be of interest to the good folks at @principiadiscordia.bsky.social: "I would only believe in a god who could dance. One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." -Friedrich Nietzsche

Challenge accepted. 🤘

Y'all. @emersonuuchurch.bsky.social put me in charge of their BlueSky account. What would you like to see over there? 1. Inspirational quotes. 2. Historical fun facts. 3. Vaguely religious goblinposting.

"We were made to be standing in our own skin: our gay skin, our trans skin, our black skin, our white skin, our Latino skin, our masculine skin, our feminine skin. #BadBunny came out on national television and did just that.

While reading @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social’s book, I was very intrigued with creating my own “alphabet of desire” based on the 5 Discordian elements.

I'm really getting into Tarot. And by that, I mean I'M LITERALLY GOING TO BE IN A TAROT DECK. 🃏

how we got here

A customer is frustrated that we don't have anything he can wear to a semi-formal work event, and I appreciate his commitment to supporting small businesses, but as a leather and fetishwear shop, we're probably not his best option this time around.

I recently joined my UU church's Communications Committee, and I've decided to increase their social media presence by leveraging my impulsivity and boundary issues. Do me a solid and give them a follow at @emersonuuchurch.bsky.social. 🙏

I've never been big on affirmations or manifestation or whatever, but I do have to admit that I've been a LOT more productive ever since Bad Bunny told me to believe in myself.

Me: "Did you watch the Super Bowl?" Dad: "Nah. I boycotted." Me: "You... boycotted?" Dad: "I'm just not into football anymore. But I did catch part of the halftime show. It looked pretty good! Could've sworn I saw Jessica Alba." 1/2

"My boobs don't move." "Do you have to break them in? Like new shoes?" Conversations with my drag queen employee are unsettling out of context.

Currently watching a Bigfoot documentary that is absolute crap but wildly entertaining. Investigator: "Tell us about Blind Johnny." Interviewee: "Well, he was playing Russian Roulette, and he shot himself in the eye." 1/2

Okay, but what if Norway were to give him a made-up prize, and the rest of us just, like, went along with it?

It is dusk. A neighbor is walking her scary-looking but (usually) well-trained dog. Another neighbor, who vaguely resembles dog's owner, steps out onto their porch. Dog sees other neighbor, freezes, then goes all-out DEFCON 1. Other neighbor screams and runs inside. 1/3

Customer: "I'm ready to check out." Me: "Great!" Customer: [piles his intended purchases on the counter, wanders away to continue shopping] The customer in line behind him: "... I am not sure what to do now." Working in retail is a liminal experience at times.

HAIL ERIS: Just a reminder! We sell the cheapest Principia Discordia anywhere, at no profit to ourselves, and of course it's also available for free at our site: fsofcabal.com Don't get turned into a precious Mao button — read the Principia Discordia today! Hard copies are just under $4 USD

Bent down to grab a bottle of water and about banged my head on this. I can only assume the Universe picked out a resolution on my behalf.

Y'all. I may have Discordianed a wee bit too close to the sun.

Me: [commuting home] "Why am I seeing tracers? Did I accidentally do LSD, or is everyone driving with their brights on?" My glasses: [sitting at the spicy shop, wondering where the hell I am] I really wish the universe had cursed me with astigmatism *or* ADHD. Having both feels like persecution.

Last-minute chaos excitement! You've got until midnight to vote for your favorite occult book published in 2025. (The Chaos Apple is the 53rd listing.)

One of my employees went to the emergency room and told staff he was throwing up blood. Turns out, he legitimately had a stomach virus. But he also legitimately forgot about all the red jello shots he'd consumed before the bug kicked in. So that was fun for everyone involved.

My dad: "So it turns out your niece has some kind of joint disorder." Me: "That makes sense, what with her dad being double-jointed and all." My dad: "Wait, WHAT?!" Anyway, that's how the rest of the family found out my brother can dislocate his shoulders on command.

A group of drunk women just stumbled out of a gay bar down the street from the spicy shop, dressed as (in order of appearance) a sexy reindeer, a sexy Mrs. Claus, a sexy snowman, and a sexy gingerbread cookie. Not a sexy manger among them. The true meaning of Christmas really has been lost.

A few days ago, my neighbor was walking up the stairs to her apartment, where her kid was standing on the balcony yelling, "MA'AM. I'M GOING TO NEED TO SEE SOME I.D., MA'AM." Tonight, he was yelling, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS." 1/2

Last night, I dreamt that it happened today. Best sleep I've had in ages.

New episode out today with returning guest Thumper Forge @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social to chat about the wild ride of Raymond Buckland’s fiction and Thumper’s excellent new book The Chaos Apple.

Premiering now, in this episode of Exploration Arcanum I chat with @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social about Chaos Witchcraft, Discordianism, and Cultural Appropriation in the occult. #occultsky #witchsky youtu.be/FsYmgpHcGAk

Overheard at the spicy shop: "We used to be partners. I mean, not like sexual partners. Business partners. Well, sexual partners too."

Original art and anagram by @davezilla.bsky.social.

Customer: [pointing at two products] "What's the price difference between these?" Me: "The one on the left is $30, and the one on the right is $40." Customer: "So the one on the left is..." Me: Customer: Me: Customer: "... cheaper." Me: "Yes." But I can't judge. Math isn't my thing either.

Through a series of events involving the spicy shop and an ambitious but ill-conceived drag performance, "Golden" is now a holiday song. I don't make the rules.

It is currently 9:50 a.m. We open at 10:00. Our hours of operation are posted next to the entrance in a big, bold font, and our neon open sign is turned off. And yet, there is a customer on our porch, shoving the door and rattling the handle with all his might. 1/2

My favorite part of the holiday season is when Pentatonix mansplains Jesus.

Another thing I appreciate about the UU church I joined: The congregation claps for the choir.

Me: "Hello! What can I help you find today?" Customer: [deadly serious, standing a little too close] "I need to get something notarized." Me: "Great! Let me grab my stamp..." Customer: "JUST KIDDING. HA HA!" 1/2

Everyone else: [excited about pumpkin spice] Me, a gourmet, scream-singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" in the middle of Walgreens:

When Rutherfordton officials denied a permit for a small Pagan-led vigil, citing undocumented restrictions and a coercive “Christian parade” alternative, High Priestex Mortellus confronted a system that limits minority-faith expression in a traditional public forum… wildhunt.org/2025/12/paga...

The UU church I recently joined has this part of the service where children can come up and sit on the steps leading up to the altar, and the minister joins them and reads them a (thematically relevant) story. 1/3

"I am a terror. I've been drinking in my trailer all morning." Just another fun assertion to be filed under Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said on a Podcast.

The downside to joining a church (UU) with @sarahlcrowder.bsky.social is that she's in the choir, so I can't text her whenever something hilarious happens during the service.

Customer: "May I use your restroom?" Me: "Sure. It's right down that hallway." Customer: "Oh, thank you! A client made me drink an entire bottle of plum wine." And you know what? I do not get paid enough to judge or ask questions.

Customer 1: [pointing to something in a display case] "Have you ever tried this?" Customer 2: "Oh, God, no. I told you what happened in Fort Lauderdale, right?" Customer 1: "Ooh, yeah, you did." Customer 2: "Yeah. All that blood." Customer 1: "Toot toot!" Customer 2: "Beep beep!" 1/2

A customer, intoxicated on... something or other, wandered in, got confused by his surroundings, and decided that he worked here. So I told him it was closing time and held the door open for him, and he scurried right out. It was 11:30 a.m., but he didn't strike me as much of a clockwatcher.