gm moots, had another rough night but i came to a difficult realization that may be hard to hear the whole reason i migrated from tumblr to bluesky was to avoid what's happening now, the censorship of content related to EDs and SH. now that bluesky is suffering

GUYS WHAT HAPPENED I WAS BUSY ALL DAY WHY IS EVERYONE MAKING ALT ACCOUNTS AND TALKING ABOUT PROTECTING THEIR ACCOUNTS WTF

so funny story about what's been happening recently >hate my creative writing class for a variety of reasons which is ironic bc im a writer at heart >the prime of which being the double standard of my professor saying its ok to write darker things while my classmates EVISCERATE any poem that isn't

Visual representation of food noise

as soon as bsky adds priv accounts i'm definitely going to go followers only

its 10 days till spring break for me and usually that would be exciting bc of the break from school and it is but for me its bc i get to stay home and absolutely FUCK MYSELF UP in all the ways i want to without worrying about going to class the next day

man i just wanna fucking feel something so i know i'm alive

two realizations this morning: 1) if i attract the worst people (not you mooties mwah) abusers, groomers, anyone who thrives on the misery of others, then what does that say about me? 2) i thought my ED was putting me in the drivers seat in life but in reality it is now in the drivers seat and im

i'll never have a partner because i'm incapable of caring about someone that much

OH LOOK. THAT THING I SAID WAS GOING TO HAPPEN IS HAPPENING NOW. AND I FORGOT TO PUT MY WATCH BACK ON. FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE.

i’m so tired of food being such a big hurdle for me. every single day

i want to go to bed so goddamn mcfucking bad rn but i know i can't bc if i go to bed before like 11-11:30pm i'll wake up at 2-4am and be awake until at LEAST 6am CURSE MY STUPID BRAIN

the level of health anxiety i have on the daily is unnatural for someone who claims to be su!c!dal

feeling gross:( #edsky #caterpillarsky

ok to explain the bullshit ive been going through: last night i was like "god this ed is fucking stupid, it makes me hyperfocus on food when i should be focusing on actually making myself feel worse and therefore more valid, i should be chasing something that should actually kill/damage me in a

me this morning: today i'm going to eat intuitively and take the calories as they come me this evening: today i'm going to carve every square inch of fat off my body and burn it and bleed out and die

TW FRESH CUTS + vent in thread #sh #shsky #shtwt #slitsky #slittwt #cutspo #988sky #988twt

literally the only thing keeping me from cutting myself rn is the Tired Eepy (it is 6am, Hell Naw) but after i wake up again......

every night for the past few days has been like "what if i fuck around and recovered from my ED" or "what if i fucked around and put my head through a noose" with no in between

shoutout to the ppl who have EDs purely for the destruction, i see you 😔 ✊

i just got that horrible feeling i get when i feel nauseous in public and i'm afraid i'm gonna have to leave bc I'm sick or i'm gonna puke on the floor......but i'm in my APARTMENT RN BRO NOBODY IS HERE?????

i feel so pathetic like this, rented the prince of egypt to kill some time while waiting for dinner and im thinking to myself "look at me, waiting for food as if my life revolves around it, craving it forever and always like a dog begs for treats, i have no actual hobbies so i replace them with

i only just bought him but im in love with him, he smells like lavender and i can microwave him to make him warm, now i too smell like lavender

update, the regret has set in! im safely in my hating food era again :3

did smth i never thought id do again and had a cookiewich from insomnia cookies, it was so goddamn delicious and if i wasn't so dissociated from my own thoughts rn im sure the guilt would set in, now i gotta go home and make actual lunch and im SURE the guilt will kick in then 🫠

sometimes i just feel like i'm an evil person. even though i didn't really do anything.

im going to crumple into a ball and die (my scoliosis is really visible today and it makes me upset and makes my health anxiety spike)

quick i need someone to insult me bc i wrote smth im really proud of but i don't like feeling proud bc it gets my maladaptive daydreams going and my brain convinces me that im an egotistical asshole quick someone tell me i ain't shit (/hj like i worded this in a funny way but i feel like an asshole)

went over to my parents place briefly to see the new dog and I burned my tongue speed eating a lean cuisine meal that I've had stored specifically for when I had to come home because my brother showed up and I am NC with him and so I had to wolf that shit down and book it out the door LOL

I love the thought of taking up less space

the universe has sent me blessings today, not only do i get a fucking SHINY PSYDUCK but MY PARENTS ARE FOSTERING A DOG AND DIDNT TELL ME SO NOW WE HAVE A DOG!!!! (proof of shiny lol)

update: the pain lingers along with nausea, idk if i'm gonna sleep tonight, i can't even tell if this is the ana or not but if i got some confirmation that it was on god id consider recovering bc WOW IM AGONIZED

i think either i injured myself somehow while napping (probably bc i was sleeping sitting up, thanks reflux) or my body is finally breaking down because ive had pain running from the mid abdomen all the way to my right knee all day and tylenol is fighting for its LIFE trying to help it, if this

yeah im self conscious about how much i eat and how it makes me look but i'm also super self conscious about how i eat, im hyper focused on my eating speed and how much i chew and how long the meal lasts and how i eat like i've never seen food in my life and how fucking embarrassing it is

ive felt so empty and detached from myself today that i forgot to weigh myself before my shower (thankfully i didn't eat before weighing) and do so much of my daily routine, i'm not even human rn im just piloting a meat suit and going from place to place with no purpose or identity, ig this is

🤙🤙

There’s so much I’ve had to do to conform to society. It would be nice if just once in awhile society would conform to me.

idk how the FUCK my stomach looks so big at 16.8 BMI but CLEARLY "severely underweight" isn't underweight enough im so fucking pissed

sometimes i think i want new friends and a relationship but then im like "thats so much work, having friends and ESPECIALLY having a partner takes up so much energy, its like having a newborn baby" and i know no normal person who has had healthy relationships would think this way but its how i think

OHHHHH i actually paced myself on my water today and i felt better than i did last night who clapped

idk if a phlebotomist would love me or hate me bc my veins are POPPING out of my ENTIRE ARM but also my arm is scarred as hell and def will get more scarred in the future

BIG!!! TW FOR CHILD GROOMING BELOW

Sometimes I feel very jealous of people who find sleeping and eating easy

how to eat without eating no borax no glue

going feral bc nobody told me there was a brand of ice cream that was even lower cal per pint than halo top AND it tastes amazing, NICKS SWEDISH VANILLA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE