Show me a man wearing nine hats at once and I'll show you a man wanted by the Wizard Council for the highest of crimes.

A wish all black and trans people a very "wake up with violently powerful telekinesis abilities" day 🤗

Only the most wholesome conversations when doing VRChat Streams.

Every day I get in another pointless duck measuring contest and every day I win.

People on here have so many cool OCs, I want to get involved. Reply with an OC and some text they'd say and I'll take a shot at voicing them.

Baki story arc where he imprisons a chestburster by flexing until it's time to use it as a secret weapon

Me: Computer, export audio! Computer: Yessir. Estimated time to completion: 51 minutes. Me: Are you sure? Computer: Yes! Me: Are you SURE? Computer: It may have been five seconds. Here is the audio file.

I have officially done enough Voice Stuff that I can play back this audition for editing purposes and Actually Like what I'm hearing!

"Go get yourself something nice," I say, handing you a coin that is a 45lb disc of metal with a $4.75 currency value

Tales of Accursed Dragon update BUMP accurseddragon.com/comic/53 Art by @alloart.bsky.social Shades by @bubonicc.bsky.social Patreon! Previews and rewards✨️ www.patreon.com/ryancomics #accurseddragon #fantasy #webcomics

For several years now I've had a notepad file on my desktop called "gags". It contains things I find funny but haven't found a spot for yet. Not once have I ever used a thing from that document or added anything else to it, but occasionally I forget what's in there, open it, and then snort again.

3 copies of Kinect Adventures at the thrift store

Fun fact: Most birds are pretty great!

Did you know there are fish in the sea? Ah, but then, did you also know: I can take those fish? And exchange them? For MONEY? aaaand maybe go insane in the process but I hear that helps if I want to be good at The Economy. Dredge! twitch.tv/tentacle_panther #goinglive #vtuber

I could make one of those bubble tea hand assets but with a cup of peas in cold water instead

Oh boy, today's the day!

What if there was like a really heavy bird that would land on your head and you'd just sort of gradually sink into the ground while it sat there

Why is it that every social interaction lately devolves into 10+ minute brawls where we're swinging dinner tables at one another?

We did a bunch of companion quests so we didn't get paid all that much but we DID buy a shockingly expensive but damn near magic handgun from a tinker, then used it to steal a rotary grenade launcher!

What we're doing would probably be crimes for sale if laws weren't also for sale. The important part is I'm getting paid. Shadowrun: Dragonfall! twitch.tv/tentacle_panther #goinglive #vtuber

Rubber ducks are actually the most haunted object the average person will encounter (by a LOT), it's just that duck ghosts are generally either neutral or benevolent.

Nine consecutive lifetime bans from Egypt for Mummy Laundering.

Reading through Dungeon Crawler Carl it's wild how close I am to matching all of Carl's physical dimensions. He's got more muscle, but hey. Here's hoping the casting call for the inevitable live-action is close enough for me to audition.

As of today, officially more than half of my problems have been rendered into a chalky slime.

Might fuck around and invent the Torment Shrexus

Here comes the catter, jingling around making noises and sounds

The local newspaper has shown a picture of a mouse with a tiny baseball bat that has come to town hunting lightbulbs

Another day, another poorly guarded small object to encase in bakelite.

Because I am Magnanimous, anybody who is inconvenienced by one of my many, many, many thrown flash-bang grenades will actually come out of the experience with a slightly better understanding of ethics.

Turns out the pink lemonade with vodka and sparkles from the impulse bin is of low quality. Who could have foreseen this.

I'm wearing this big-ass hat, when do I get my swan?

What if- What If: Four-legged ducks that pounce on you.

They're having a sale on dingers today

Going to the Ren Faire and either trying not to get called a simpering dolt or speedrunning it, depending on how well I do

Hey guys! News are scary, I know. It's overwhelming, frustrating, upsetting... Take a break. Your feelings are valid but you need to take care of yourself first. I'm gonna share you a routine that my therapist gave me a long time ago. It may not work but it helps me!

I've taught a centipede to hambone. The potential consequences are unsurpassed.

"I declare bankruptcy!" I quip dramatically, before rupturing a bank

Anybody want to come be flammable with me?

If I had more eyes I could maintain eye contact while reading the entire EULA

Might need to explore "barbaloot" as an insult

The fax machine is infested with dire ferrets

Why do fruit bats keep biting me

Lithostrata would be a good name for a stone golem femme fatale

lesson 1: don't make taser chess

Ducks are so friend shaped. Swans are enemy shaped, but in a pretty way. Like a gorgeous ballet twink who’s really toxic

Y'all I got an AM radio and all it does is ramble about how much it Hates. The sound quality is actually excellent but still 2/10 for content.

Wants you to listen to his pawdcast

THE RULES ARE RIGGED, I TELL YOU! RIGGED! *the rules stand up, wave, smile, and start doing a sprightly dance*

Hey, so, survivor of CSAM (child sexual abuse material) here—and a global survivor advocate, including policy work! Fictional material is not illegal. That’s actually why deepfakes are such a big issue for survivors too. That said, actual art should *not* be made illegal. Why? (Con’t)