You creep into the half-lit room, a little nervous. There’s the smell, and the patient beeping, the rhythms of all the little machines pushing and pulling, injecting and extracting in a delicate dance, a dance your body hasn’t forgotten the steps to yet. And he is so small! You clear your throat:

CleanSleep

cool whip wow this junk is so good

this is the premise of La Femme Nikita

fifa names

it’s me

A lot of people posting about the United States Mutant Ninja Turtles

give me this once

x-ray vision AOC

i am too beautiful to be good at chores

i’m calling it: texts with a minor

this oolong tea is so good i can feel my life getting longer

that's good bc I never lie

i can’t decide if making spaghetti and meatballs in july is chaotic evil or chaotic good

this person doesnt think making sandwiches is a job

i need to get my laundry in the washer but instead i’m standing here watching you dummies save the world

honestly so impressed by mcconnell’s last ratfuck. mitch you dropped this 👑 on your way to hell

wake up everybody and talk to me about whether you think an alternative falafel style made with pinto beans and chorizo seasonings would work or not

no thanks i’ve seen Name of the Rose

wait somebody has to know if this bitch is alive lmao

my husband’s yakuza game just evolved into a dramedy about running a seaside orphanage???

celebrating america 250 by turning washington into Hong Kong in 1990

accounts should be labeled by their diagnosed mental illnesses

pissing everyone off for being the most correct by calling it association football

it's me, ddnall ttrupp

infinite trump tube

god cancels trump on fourth of july

Romulan meat loaf was unstoppable

eating a babybel in utter darkness

Peter Thiel looks like he was sculpted only with thumbs

Peter Thiel looks like he'd instantly turn into ash when he dies

camping! in your house

drop a tubi recommendation on me something between 1980 and 1992

what are americans doing to reclaim their flag? i don’t know, like fighting ice in the street and flushing out loser centrists in primaries all over?

look, whether you root for team USA or not, i think we can all agree the important thing is that you should feel like a sorry piece of shit 24 hours a day for deciding to be alive

my coworker hustled this thing for 175 dollars on marketplace after scoring it at a gas station for 25 bucks

breaking news: alberta becomes Tall Dakota 3 in provincial referendum

the white house doesn’t manage the usmnt first of all. and if you think cheering for america is shameful then what are you doing watching FIFA in the first place since they gave donald trump that stupid prize so he wouldn’t push The Button

baby lloyd woke up from his nap and now he’s hanging out in his room making sounds

schism! schism! schism!

donald trump’s river of meat. flowing to a town near you

The plan: provide only one way to cool down in 100 degree heat, a baptism pool, in order to drive up church affiliation.

time to drink a seltzer and lie down

now i will always be looking for it

okay if the driver wasn’t around and my outfit was cute i’m taking a picture with it

fancy princess salad with everything i want

my aloe plant looks healthy but it also seems to be telling me to do terrible terrible things

ok got the rest of my falafel pattied up for the fourth of july

coming to bluesky for Catholic gossip, as one does