sending my son to school to learn how to become a widget

there are stricter dress codes to work at the grocery store

so americans don’t like ice? how about we make every person at the airport stare at a bunch of ice agents with their thumbs up their butts for 6 hours. and then fly around in a plane that might crash because the single air traffic controller at your airport is nearing the end of a 16 hour shift

um what if a gang of rustlers on horseback want to appropriate my goodly patrons' valuables. what if they have dynamite and blow the tracks to smithereens

whats trump gonna do when he runs out of dead cats to bounce

shaniatwain.letsgogirls.gif

Welcome to the only form of long distance travel we allow, now stand in this line for 6 hours for your government mandated patdown bu a Proudboy

don’t let them tell you to eat bugs!!!

tell me your evening bean plan

i’m sure having every airport fucked for easter and spring break is going to go great for everybody

why is each station of this cross a stoned frog

🦐shrimp emoji looks like a football helmet

i’m breaking so many laws with this one

its a garlic press for cows

three different neglected rices in the fridge as i’m throwing stuff out. Three!

what was that song that reddit post was about where the guy had a sex song that was stupid ridiculous and his girlfriend broke up with him over it after two years of this because even after he quit playing the song he kept boinking her to the beat of it. lol help me out i’m struggling

this is pleasing to me

hello 11 new followers! whats up my naïfs

Bluesky, the app for naïfs and people who like to say naïf

everyone keeps saying naif on this app

man glonzo was always just going to become antisemitic conspiracies wasnt it

(to the tune of the battle hymn of the republic) I FUCKING BANGED YOUR WIFE

Happy Friday!

at the very least i would buy some gear

pope leo needs to overturn the chalice which signals to his priestly assassins that it is Time to do the Thing

you have to obliterate the chip on your shoulder about bernie sanders (who never ran third party for president, and never told people not to vote for the democratic nominee) or you will never escape the cycle of samsara, which binds your soul to the earth’s suffering

you have to let the donald j trump chatbot in your mind die

and I’m dancing on his grave like yeah and I’m pissing on his grave like yeah

one thing that’s for sure when It Happens is that Party in the USA is going to chart again

Do NOT try to empathize with POTUS, he's protected. It's too dangerous.

lol god bless afroman. woke 2 has found its troubadour

baseball justice has happened tonight, baseball jesus has spoken

tonight we are all venezuelans

i made a corn pudding to symbolize the pot of gold at the end of rainbow

they keep sending kangaroos to regular courts

“we don’t care about food riots because we’ll shoot you in the street”

ahh its the nathan fielder meme

seawall guy running for sc governor pray for us

why is every member of timcast like a different muppet from crank yankers

decent

this guy packed my bags so insane. i hate goin through a male cashiers line loll

lmao

someone got the building Mad

beware the bracelet guys

brutus: median ass voter

don’t be a hero kids, listen to sewzinski

I said it sounded like he was just feeding actresses to Joss Whedon and then his casting director started crying

a lot of confusion about this kevin o’leary fit but he was simply popping in on his way to the oscars

👍