I always think about “there are snacks at traders joes that only women can see”

Lol that the big time tv executive hasn’t folded to censorship is David Zaslov

There’s something wild and funny to the fact that former host of The Man Show is being unconstitutionally censored by the President

@pftompkins.bsky.social I was getting some late night eats and I thought you’d might enjoy “Pizza and a Taco I know, I know, it’s serious”

Turkey vs Germany Eurobasket Final is the most Turkish an event can be

Apparently someone died? I wouldn’t know anything about that, I was too busy never forgetting

I hate the omny card, it makes the Subway feel like a hotel

In the REI right now holding a giant bag from Clark’s shoes with two empty gallon pickle jars (there’s a third in my backpack)

I think the funniest Weird Al’s voice ever gets is on “Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch”

I love Nathan Fielder, he’s the most devious force for good of all time

Vaxxed?

The Dragon With a Girl Tattoo and it’s a tough yakuza guy with a full back tattoo of Lisa Simpson

Inshallah nice day out of nowhere on Eid

Your Outie is the CEO of Tubi. He tried to green lit a TV show about Dr. Conrad Murray, but the shareholders stopped him

A day that’s mostly about the city of Boston being psyched? Eh, call me back if we ever change this to like “Fuck Margret Thatcher Day”

A day that’s mostly about the city of Boston being psyched? Eh, call me back if we ever change this to like “Fuck Margret Thatcher Day”

I think the best thing that’s happened in the last few years is when Lisa Gilroy, playing Elvis, said “Dr. Skeleton’s Celebrity Toilet” on Comedy Bang Bang

Feeling this knife in my brain emotion characterized by “well we’ve tried nothing and we’re out of options”

What’s great about the movies is that it’s the only place a psycho-sexual thrill ride can happen to anyone not dumb. Cause in real life you meet a freak trying to lick your eyeball and you kind of just figure out the politest way to ignore them

Looking to feel an emotion I’ve never felt before

The Immortal in Invincible

The best-aged thing the onion has ever written. Every day it rings truer and truer.

A handy man who loves cunnilingus, call that an oral fixation

shame... celebrate all you want but this kind of vandalism is never acceptable

This is the true power of hatred

Brat Easton Ellis

Still reeling from the Luka trade, not even my teams and I’m just dazed

Gonna start the rumor that Nico Harrison traded Luka Doncic as show Palestine solidarity to screw over Zionist owner Miriam Adelson

David Stern rolling in his grave so hard he becomes a drill and borrows out to veto the Luka trade

The only good part of the Luka trade is that he’s gonna have a game where he says “Max Christie over me?”

Think it’s bad eggs cost more than spray paint

shot through the butt, and you're to blame. you give butts...a gun pain

Warm is the bluest color

I forgot about blue sky

I’ll be honest, I forgot about this app

get him to the greek??? more like get him to the prison

This thought just occurred to me: what if we all get covid from the UCB auditions?

Blue is the Warmest Sky

Had a dream where you could trade a fist full of capers for a hot meal, I would like to switch to that economy please

I NEED my MTV!

Science has yet to find a way for a live music show to be played at a volume that won’t murder you

The Son of Sam is a rare example of listening to a dog going wrong

The irony of putting “Changes” by David Bowie on repeat

Back me up on this: wearing a blank baseball cap is insane, right?

Something I find darkly funny is the types of eating disorders people have are gendered

Unisex Oral Joke Shirt: A shirt that says “Eat Local” with an arrow pointing down