Always painful to go through FB memories and see a supportive message from 2017 someone you had a messy friend-breakup with. Someone who thought the best of you, with whom you let down your walls and then managed to let down in turn.

Back to work tomorrow and kind of sad. It's been a harder week than I thought it would be and I'm thinking that this isn't how I want my life to go. I'm feeling kind of trapped, kind of lonely, kind of tired and a lot more besides. Plus, I can't remember if I even washed my uniform trousers. 😭

Altogether, I'm in a bit of a state right now and truth be told, this isn't how I want to spend my Saturday afternoon. I don't know if I need to go to church, go for a walk, or even both. So I'm going to turn my phone off, make a chicken casserole and then go for a stroll for some Galaxy chocolate.

Stop saying 'as a parent this makes me sad/angry/whatever.' You should feel these things as A HUMAN.

I've been thinking about Hind Rajab a lot and watching clips of the film in which her voice is featured. I hope to see the whole piece soon. The whole horrendous situation is heartbreaking.

How progress is going on my original M/M. *twiddles thumbs*

UK soaps, some time ago: 'Okay, so this character is definitely, absolutely, unequivocally dead. Dead, dead, dead. Check out the explosion. Behold their literal corpse.' The same UK soaps a few years down the line: 'Well, ACTUALLY...'

I'm not feeling well. Been having constant headaches and a lot of worrisome, depressive thoughts. Honestly, feeling kind of sad altogether. I'm supposed to go back to work on Monday and the week off hasn't been as good as I hoped. I've just not been 100% and I'm just down.

With everything going on in the world right now, I find myself grateful, despite the noise, for hyperactive toddlers running endless around the waiting room of a doctor's surgery while their parents struggle to contain them. It's just a privilege to witness right now.

Update: this 5 year old and his Dad - WHO WERE IN THE US LEGALLY and had committed no crimes - are in detention in Texas. Call your Senators and tell them vote NO on the DHS funding bill. 202 224 3121.

Not sure if I'm very well. Went to the theatre. Spent most of the show clapping along but also worrying about tomorrow and the 80s themed staff party - do I want to go, is there any point, how should I get there, should I go to the gym. Also, I've got a job interview and I'm scared.

Feeling really nervous tonight and don't know why. I have the entire week off so there's no work to get up for. I have booked a late morning swimming session but don't think I can face it. I'm off to the theatre tomorrow night but fear an anxiety attack.

'Yes, yes. This is EXCELLENT.' - Me, commenting on adorable animal videos on Instagram.

Marks and Spencers, please bring this back. Thankyou.

Anyway I'm an utter failure and I have no income, please please support me, I'm willing to discuss multichapter fics for a set rate, also I'm happy to lend my beta reading skills, anything really. Just want to feel useful and provide for my family. ko-fi.com/c/820362f19a

Head has been hurting a lot this week. I'm 35 and I was diagnosed with OCD at 17. Despite my best efforts I think I've let it take so much from me. The rituals in my head - I honestly don't know if it's OCD or conscience. I get so scared of doing the wrong thing.

My head is hurting. I've got some old, OCD-related anxiety going around my head and I can't get it to land. I'm spiralling, overthinking, trying to rush myself to a conclusion and get it over and done with. Truth is, I really don't know what to do. I'm unhappy and headsore and need a nap.

Petty gripe - when you've been looking forward to something yummy all day but the work-cafe has run out.

It's Friday night, I have to be up in six hours for the 9am shift with a bunch of people I have nothing in common with and my OCD is fucking me up with fucking triggers and I'm feeling far too fucked up to even be worthy of being here.

thinking about how Ed's expression goes from looking weary, tired, dejected & ashamed after his awkward moments w/ the dickheads at the party - to his whole face lighting up, eyes sparkling, full of wonder & delight after Stede tells him he's very sophisticated & that he wears fine things well ✨

So after devouring the latest Rev. Richard Coles, I decided to try another whodunnit that's been on my shelf for a couple of years. And it was...quite good. Well-written, compelling and Endeavour-esque. But I just Could Not™ - I couldn't lose myself in the story. So I skipped to the end.

"if you go home with somebody, and they don't have tureens, don't fuck them." —stede bonnet, probably

it's the first bloom of spring in a canon divergent au, and unexpectedly the mood is shagadelic. a french ed and a dapper stede are both arrested at a protest. there's been a murder. karl the seagull is there, intrigued.

1

The murder of Renee Good shifted something inside me this week. The rage of a man who calls himself a committed Christian but shot a woman three times and then called her a 'fucking bitch'? Unacceptable. Even more so that folks are rallying around, trying to get him off the hook.

This is one of the poems Taika chose for his selections in the book 'The Poem I Turn To'. It's called "Night on the Island" by Pablo Neruda.

DEAR LORD I've become so naughty. 🤭

NIPPLES (I guess)

I took the advice of a lot of people and have been taking it easy this January. I have a lot more free time. It sounds lazy but I am only doing my job for the money and that's it. I really hope I can get out soon. I've been feeling trapped and like a failure.

Question about academia: how does a New Zealand student study abroad in, say, Britain for a year when the terms/semesters are so different? NZ summer holiday appears to be January to February - of course a UK uni is opening back up for the new term at that time. Any thoughts? #research

Honestly, rewatching Doctor Who and seeing Rose Tyler and River Song makes me consider the fact that Rusty and Moffat were simply trying to compete with each other to see who could create the biggest Mary-Sue.

Me: 'Fuck it, I am not going to the work New Year's party this year, I have no one to hang out with at these things and I don't fit in anymore.' Work: 'IT'S AN 80'S-THEMED PARTY.' Me: '...Fuck it, I'm going.'

Eeeeeyep, it's David Tennant night for sure. Watching Staged now and tempted to follow up with Fright Night.

Feeling sad for a number of reasons right now but watching David Tennant's Around The World In 80 Days to remind myself there is hope.

Mayor Jacob Frey: “To ICE, get the fuck out of Minneapolis.”

Self-rec time! Now that all the Christmas decorations are gone and I've put the pirate-flag up, how about a de-Christmassing fic that I wrote for last JanAUary? Modern Gentlebeard, feat. Ed and Stede as adoring rabbit dads. archiveofourown.org/works/62055973

My Special Interest™ right now is the Tennant era of Doctor Who. Swapping the Christmas specials for the basics and unable to believe that Crowley and Ten are the same actor because FUCKING HELL 🎉🎉🎉🎉

BIG CORRIEDALE REACTION THREAD STARTING HERE WITH EMMERDALE:

Unfortunately my Mum's superstition rubbed off on me in this area. We left out a singing Christmas robin after Christmas 2011 because my then-baby nephew adored it much and by the end of 2012 my Mum angrily ordered me to take it down, blaming it for the fact that we'd had a hard year.

✨😌😌✨

I HAVE SO MUCH CLEANING TO DO AND CHRISTMAS DECS TO PACK UP AND I DON'T WANNA EVERYTHING FUCK OFF

I'm lucky enough to avoid the 'back-to-reality' scaries because I returned to work on the 30th December. But it is hard all the same and seems to be doubly so this year. But Christmas will come back before we know it!

I know there's a lot more important stuff going on right now. But I've just discovered that OFMD has been removed from BBC iPlayer. 😡

So yep, I spent most of my evening sending out job applications and squeezing in a bit of OFMD fic and honestly, I'm a bit overwhelmed, over-excited and perhaps too optimistic. I need to be realistic and cautious about this and remember that I'm lucky to have a job and support. Need to breathe.

Applying for new jobs on a Friday night before a full working weekend in which I have to be brutally honest about my Saturday job and why I didn't make it.

So just made a pig's ear of one of my favourite dishes by using the wrong mustard and giving it a rather fishy underlay (I hate fish). Urgh. Down goes my self-esteem even further in a self-pitying plughole of 'Woe! I can't cook!' 🤣

Early Corriedale predictions: *Theo Silverton's going to kill Billy Mayhew (SOB) *Asha's going to get her confidence back and become a paramedic again *Lisa Swain is going to suffer amnesia and forget she was ever engaged to Carla, which Becky will take full advantage of.

Huh, boy.