I swear there's a conspiracy in my office bathrooms for people to go in there to shit and then only start to wipe as SOON as I walk in this otherwise silent room to pee Them: ahh finally, a captive audience within perfect earshot of me rubbing this paper on my asshole 😈

Why is it so goddamn hard for boomers and Gen x folks to just apologize for being out of pocket. They'll almost go out of their way to do anything BUT simply apologize. I'll never understand it.

Cannot wait for the day where I'm no longer relegated to the abyss of "local musician." Shit is so soul killing.

I'm so TIRED of having to SHIT out of my BUTT every eight to sixteen HOURS

I know there's a crossover meme with Labubu and the "Boo-urns" Simpsons gag 🤔 but I don't know if I have the energy to try...

So that AI-generated “Summer Reading List” full of made up books illustrates an important fact about AI art & writing we need to wrap our heads around. Because the easy story is “greedy corporate paper replaces humans with AI slop”. But that’s not what happened here, or in a lot of similar cases.

Been noticing a LOT of people's cats have been getting sick or dying lately and it's starting to make me worry that there might be something going around with them. Most have been somewhat older but not like OLD old for a cat. Idk

I swear it's worth keeping up with pop culture trends solely for the sake of understanding Chris Fleming's stand-up clips

Love putting the little green flags on locations I want to visit on Google maps. Makes me feel like I'm putting a beacon or annotation down in a vidya game

We're opening for Hail The Sun next month! It feels so good to be doing the things I've been wanting to do for so long now 🙌

It was probably naive to think I'd get in on that preorder... Kinda frustrating that only four retailers had it available. There's gotta be a better way to go about these things so the scalpers don't immediately scoop up all the stock.

When Clive Barker was working on the MUMMY remake for Universal in the early '90s, he had a trans character in the script, and when the studio vetoed it, he basically said "I really can't stress how much I don't need to fucking make THE MUMMY" and left.

Me whenever I have to waste time redoing a thing at work because some rando county decides their rules are different than everyone else's (I submit deeds and mortgages for recording)

There's no way all locks are absolutely unique. They had to have run out of variations eventually, right? You're telling me if I try my house key on every other lock in the world, it won't work at least once?

I would rather eat glass, thanks!

My enemies* suffering is no longer enough. I need to psychologically torture them by telepathically projecting ghosts that only they can see into the room with them to taunt them every waking second

Today my dentist asked me if I wanted ROOT BEER FLAVORED TOOTHPASTE EXQUEEZE ME???

I constantly get static shock when I touch doorknobs and car doors and one of these days it's going to cause me to have a joker moment I swear to god

If the skin wasn't meant to be picked at, why it so satisfying to pick it??

Yesterday I was given a "guns don't kill people, people kill people" attempted lecture on AI usage, as if we're all just pissed at the existence of the tech in a vacuum and not all the exploitative ways it's been implemented.

What's up with people who can accept a general fantastical concept in a movie but then balk at separate practical inconsistencies that would require even less assumptions to accept?

We've back to the white cliffs!

I think the things that will always amaze me about religious folks who wield their faith as a weapon is the sheer hubris in believing that they just know what their god would want.

my book comes out in two weeks! preorder now so you can say you did it before the month-long media blitz that's about to take over my life

Perhaps if he had not spent so much time playing video games so that he could be the #1 video game player he would know that the answer to this question is "All of them."

My partner @kacybraying.bsky.social and his band Samaritan Snare have a new EP out called “Living Statue” and it’s finally on Spotify! It would mean a lot if you gave it a listen! :) here’s a cute pic of us from their show on Friday. 🪩

My band's debut EP, Living Statue, is now available to stream everywhere! We worked hard on this release for years and it's so wonderful that it's finally out. FFO: The Sound of Animals Fighting, The Dear Hunter, Arcane Roots, The Fall of Troy

It's true! We're insanely stoked! Thank you Jams, always 💜💜

Thank you my love! It would mean the world for everyone to listen! FFO: The Fall of Troy, Circa Survive, Rx Bandits, The Sound of Animals Fighting, Fear Before, Thank You Scientist, The Dear Hunter

All of my Monster Valentines so far!!! 💘

Sup We have some gigs to announce for March / April / May / June soon. Until then you can just look at our pretty faces.

Follow my partner Ashley's wonderful art account! She makes amazing felt dolls based on horror characters and cryptids! And she's pretty 😍😇