every headline about trump policies now is either "trump mandates hatecrimes" or "trump renames the white house to the white trump"

mark gets to keep his job and profit more and more each year after all of this, meanwhile if i cost a company this much money i'd be an indentured servant for the rest of my life

modern horror movies are all named like either "Repulsive" or "I Smell You Stinking Up the Bathroom"

shu takumi: i created "ace attorney", a world in which defendants are denied a trial by jury due to a high backlog of cases, as a satire on the judicial system the UK government: we decided to follow the guidance outlined in shu takumi's "ace attorney" and will be denying defendants a trial by jury

can the ai bubble just pop already so by the time i graduate i might have a chance at getting a job

This reminded me of this classic post except that everything has gotten far far dumber and more made up

I’m so tired of ace attorney defendants. “nooooo I can’t tell you what happened the night of the murder it’s embarrassinggggg” sir you are facing 20 to life in prison

so let me get this straight: america condones non-citizens receiving food at the cost of citizen taxpayers?

This is a really hard post for me to make, but I don't know what to do anymore. If ya'll could take a moment to read this and spread the word it would be apperciated. (Links mentioned will be down below)

Zohran Mamdani Refuses To Share Plan For Making Rich Richer https://theonion.com/zohran-mamdani-refuses-to-share-plan-for-making-rich-richer/

BREAKING: Campaigning On Policies That Help The Most People Popular With Most People

chat. i think it might be cuomover.

Captain Torture

the "we can't tax rich people, they'll move away!" argument was never a good one, but it ESPECIALLY doesn't work when said rich people live in huge cities full of entertainment and quality of life. they don't want to move away because that's where all of the stuff is. it's really that simple.

i think it would be helpful for voters to know not only how much funding a candidate's campaign received and its primary sources, but also how much funding was poured specifically into ads and propaganda /against/ them and /their/ sources. idk if this is a thing outlets consistently report

i know many people who would do just about anything to have an aloof wife who's steering them from behind the scenes

this post is killing me because none of it had to happen. like possibly the easiest thing in the world to do is to NOT go into a coffee shop and spend your money and sit around seething about the people serving you. like you're only angry because you went out of your way to be.

i love when people remember that the meat we eat has to have come from somewhere lmao

[whispering into the GOP's ear] air travel is woke. didn't you hear about all of the DEI pilots? shut it down. i promise nobody will get mad at you for it. especially not right before the holidays.

"that's why the increase in the cost of groceries tracks exactly with the increase in the number of people on food stamps" you cannot be serious right now. i refuse to believe a human being wrote that sentence and hit publish without realizing how stupid it makes him look.

finally, alibis for cheap! your honor, i was on vacation in italy at the time of the crime.

not my most important one but: if you want to eat meat, you should be required to butcher at least one animal in your life. i say this as someone who eats meat.

i guess crypto really did create a more equal market in that it's easier than ever to pull off a market manipulation scheme.

send completely trustworthy tech company your drivers license so you can sext robot that eats your data. Awesome. i love where we're at as a society.

annoying phenomenon i've noticed on bluesky

the concept of someone being afraid of their dog being autistic is hilarious to me. like what would an "autistic" dog do that would be different from a typical dog? is it gonna develop a special interest in digging holes? is it gonna be overstimulated in public spaces? thats like all dogs ever cmon

It’s funny because it’s true

Everything Falling Apart, Reports Institute For Somehow Managing To Hold It All Together https://theonion.com/everything-falling-apart-reports-institute-for-somehow-1819569822/

Vantage Point Counseling Services, who conducted the study, is a relationship counseling service. In the study's methodology, they mention using Surveymonkey, a service which (at a cursory glance) seems to pay users for answering surveys at their leisure. Both these facts are problematic imo.

Once again, this perfect @zeboydgames.bsky.social post comes to mind:

it takes a really specific kind of franchise for me to see something as ridiculous as "character-themed salt and pepper shakers" and know it's somehow NOT a lame cash-grab and that the goofy awkwardness is fully intentional

it's too late to do any bullshit about it now but why the fuck wasn't there a limit to the amount of EO's a president can sign before congress can step in and be like Slow down there bucko. at MINIMUM it would force presidents to release EO's slower as they try to cram more into them

my gender is both mama's boy and father's daughter. hope this helps

Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall

Just a reminder before the “big announcement” today. Autism was discovered in 1911 and the modern definition of Autism came in 1943. Tylenol wasn’t widely used until the 1950s. Anyone trying to tell you that Tylenol causes Autism isn’t someone that should be taken seriously.

can someone do me a solid and send me a bottle of tylenol. vaccines aren't enough to keep my autism at peak strength anymore

damn, this was very impressive, i’m honored to be a part of this youtu.be/MCAdbUaMlAE?...

one thing that i always found silly about the sci-fi trope of becoming immortal via mind uploading to the computer is, i don't even think computers last longer than humans on average. if the computer is immortal then my closet is the pit of tartarus

From ‘The Onion’ Editorial Board:

dont post abt your guns. dont post abt doing violence to feds. dont post abt doing violence to the administration. if you absolutely MUST ramble on belligerently abt these things do it the old fashioned way: at a loud bar with people you know and trust

its so funny to me that when furio tigre was impersonating phoenix in court, godot 1: was the only guy who could tell it wasnt him, 2: had no interest in prosecuting maggey bc phoenix wasn't actually defending her, and 3: decided not to tell anyone "phoenix" was a fake

how it feels to be going to uni to study law in the US in 2025

old simon redraw of something from 2022... also yes still transfem simon, it always is with me. #simonblackquill #aa

drew an interaction that happened a few months ago at a party with some friends