Making beetroot borscht for dinner b/c I love to be jumpscared when I go to the toilet

Alternate universe Snakes on a Plane where they just make the plane cold. Jackson safely delivers his man, then gently drops all the sleeping snakes off at a wildlife refuge where they happily live out the rest of their lives as part of biodiversity teaching programs for school groups

Two nerds finally got around to watching the new Stranger Things and we're obsessed with how many friendlies have gotten pegged by crossfire and oh no that person is unconscious you gotta put them in the recovery position and monitor their breathing

My fitness device thinking I just smashed a spin class when actually I was required to make polite small talk with a group of colleagues for 5 mins

I have gained the power to sprint around at top speed after I do a poo

Nobody hates me as profoundly as past-me who left revision notes on this manuscript, like, b*tch what are you talking about?? 😅

Out here telling highschool students that the x in =xlookup stands for "extremely useful"

I am tired in a way that only whales can hear

One of the very best from Clickhole

S.A. Barnes’ Dead Silence expertly blends space horror with economic dread. A salvage crew finds a ghost ship. The true nightmare is the system that forces them aboard. A fantastic read. gnofhorror.com/dead-silence... @transworldbooks.bsky.social

It's a valid misunderstanding, 'roid rage could totally be about haemorrhoids

Trying to put deodorant on sneakily in the morning because I know my cat is afraid of the spray sound

Australia has this weird public health initiative where you sh*t in a bag and then post it to somebody you've never met in govt And there's a video you can watch if you need help

A reminder to support your Librarians! www.advocate.com/politics/sta...

If there was one thing I knew in my childhood it was that the elevator operator was a person in my neighbourhood

Finally some good news about something that shouldn't even have gotten to this stage.

A guy wearing a tram brooch just got on this tram I think he's about to have an amazing time

Thismorning in the park a dog ran up to me and I patted him. Then his owner called out "Oh he never lets anyone pat him" and my friends I am the CHOSEN ONE every fantasy novel I read as a child has come true I have reached peak happiness

Today is a brand new day so get out there and skinamarink it

The monsters have escaped! ENCOUNTERS with cryptids is out now! Get your copy here: www.amazon.com/dp/B0G4BLN1GR Featuring stories by @slimyswampghost.bsky.social @ttmaddenwrites.bsky.social @notmargopecha.bsky.social, @rlmeza.bsky.social @cmlajewski.bsky.social @vilefable.bsky.social and more! 👻

Saying "good morning" at 11am so person at the post office knows I'm an absolute degenerate

For those keeping score at home: I informed Grammarly via email precisely what I thought of their appropriation of my name and reputation and received an email from their head of litigation promising a full response by the end of the week. To be continued...

Playing Death Stranding 2 and every time somebody says "DSV Magellan" I answer "you can just say Magellan" this is the hill I'll die on

I am really excited for this - finally added illustrations!

In case you were wondering 😊

my boss at the southern reach told me expeditions keep going missing in area x so i asked how many theyve sent in and my boss said they just find new people afterwards and i said it sounds like theyre just feeding people to area x and lowry started crying

Sure escaping the eternal cycle of cosmic rebirth is nice, but have you tried hitting the "Kill All AI" button in your Firefox browser

Good afternoon to all but esp. the dude sunbathing in the park who has brought his little potplant out to enjoy the day too

We're not actually required to embrace a technology just because it's being pushed by a bunch of venture capitalists.

oh no

Author, first page, cover 😊

I wanna see @bpgregory.bsky.social 's Flora & Jim as a movie. That should do it.

With The Last Days on Mars trending, it's a good time to bring up my essay on the difficulties of putting zombies IN SPAAAAAAACE: www.denofgeek.com/movies/the-t... (Not to mention my own story about an alien philosophical zombie apocalypse...: www.amazon.co.uk/Fermis-Progr...)

I have the indeterminate flu which means my face is somehow both too wet and too dry

My partner pointed out Death Stranding 2 is basically just trying to set up the NBN and I cannot 😭

The study points to using libraries and visiting museums as bringing these enormous brain health benefits ... who would have thought? Well, librarians and museum folk for a start ... www.theguardian.com/society/2026...

Got a new pair of glasses and now I'm stuck walking like a dressage pony because the ground is a weird distance away

I have an avalanche of faults, but one thing I'm proud of is being a person who friends can message saying "I'm sending you this book asap it gave me horrible nightmares"

Somehow I always manage to forget that risotto is only good if your hobbies include Standing at the Stove

Pls enjoy this photo my partner took in the hallway outside our apartment that made me scream ... ... turns out it's just the neighbour's fluffly dog sitting behind their door 😂

That time I was feeling sad and my cat could somehow tell so she came over and put her butt on my face 😭

Yo fam new horrors just dropped Hats off to these brands for actually putting their names against this grotesquerie that clearly nobody took two seconds to actually look at

She's a ten but when she gets out of bed first thing in the morning she makes that The Lady From The Grudge sound

Culinary Class Wars: The ingredient is lobster! Me: *BURSTING to tell my partner that lobsters communicate by peeing out their forehead onto each others' faces*

Have you ever been so angry at AI you ate 57 artworks ..?

🎂🎉

The nicest thing about the horror writing community is if you feel a bit sad about your stories you can tell yourself "No, Steve Stred wouldn't want this for me"