Honestly, I'm not so sure Dawn deserved those cha cha heels, but despite all the naughty/nice list parts of Santa lore, Christmas isn't really about deserving or not deserving presents, isn't it.

And if you want to download them as MP3s, go to my Linktree: linktr.ee/muzach Most of my old Christmas mixes were just a burned CD-R for the family, then Spotify playlists, but I have three that I made art for and shared publicly, and since 2023 they've been exclusively vinyl from my collection.

Hey! I set up a Mixcloud account to share my Christmas mixes. On December 1st, my new mix will go live. Head over here and check them out, give me a follow so you'll see when the new one drops. Thanks! www.mixcloud.com/zachmalm/

2022: I love every ape I see From chimpan-a to chimpan-z Oh I'll never sellazar my NFT 2025: Oh my God, I was wrong This was dumb all along I guess crypto made a monkey out of me

Dangerous confession: I don't really like 80s John Hughes movies.

"It is with a heavy heart I announce the sale of my long term ape, Salazar" is a pretty good first line for a novel.

2022: I love every ape I see From chimpan-a to chimpan-z Oh I'll never sellazar my NFT 2025: Oh my God, I was wrong This was dumb all along I guess crypto made a monkey out of me

"My kids know me as this ape"

Hey! I set up a Mixcloud account to share my Christmas mixes. On December 1st, my new mix will go live. Head over here and check them out, give me a follow so you'll see when the new one drops. Thanks! www.mixcloud.com/zachmalm/

I've never done this before, but I know where the local comic shop is, so I just called them up and made a reservation. Sadly, I couldn't reserve the caga tio cover (the magical pooping log) unless I ordered 25 copies, which, uh, I did not do. Looking forward to reading this!

If I were going to do a load of crimes, and then try to cover up the crimes, I would simply not put "please cover up all those crimes I ordered you to do" in writing and store it on a server I don't own. But I am not a genius like Sam Altman.

Going to be absolutely incandescently angry if my family's most exciting vacation ever gets cancelled so Mike Johnson can protect the Epstein files.

"Worst movie" is super subjective. Cats was batshit crazy, so I had a good time watching it. I'd rather watch a movie that takes a big swing and misses than one that's bland on purpose. The two I had the most negative responses to are Ron Howard's How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Boondock Saints.

Evangelicals: GOD CHOOSES OUR LEADERS *God chooses a leader they don't like* Evangelicals: THIS IS LIKE A MASS SHOOTING EVENT At least they're admitting they're not going to do anything about it.

Not sure how many of you realize this, but based on having stood near him many times, I'd guess Mark Driscoll is 5'6". 5'7" at most, and this clearly plays into his longstanding obsession with "real" masculinity.

If you're into the French New Wave, and it's playing by you, go see Nouvelle Vague. A Linklater hangout film that absolutely looks like it was filmed in 1959 Paris, where you hang out with Godard, Truffaut, Chabrol, Bresson, Melville, Rossellini, Jean Seberg, John-Paul Belmondo...

COLE ESCOLA IS WRITING A MISS PIGGY MOVIE. I REPEAT, COLE ESCOLE IS WRITING A MISS PIGGY MOVIE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. deadline.com/2025/11/miss...

"There is water at the bottom of the ocean." Yeah, no shit David Byrne. It's an ocean.

Reminder that Winners Never Quit is the best album about a desperate, shitty man spiraling when his election numbers are looking rough. pedrothelion.bandcamp.com/album/winner...

Lots of great things about it, but Mamdani’s victory is also an encouraging win over the evil AI hate slop that Cuomo was tossing at the virtual wall at the end there. Deepfakes are dangerous but they are also a sign of despotic desperation.

Congrats to all my bisexual friends.

If Mike Johnson looks at these election results, his kid is getting an alert, because all I'm seeing here is a whole bunch of republicans getting fucked.

If the NYC mayoral election was a hairstyle, it would be a Cuomover.

Cuomo's concession speech is gonna be AI.

lol. lmao.

Coca-Cola doubles down on filling our stockings with AI slop, says it's ok because they've gotten better at making slop this year.

Heads up if you like bowling and are extremely Portland.

Schumer and Jeffries are going to be so bummed when Mamdani wins, knowing they can't do to the mayor of NYC what they've done to AOC.

Gasps in exvangelical, then sees the picture and sighs. Oh well.

RIP unitary executive theory influencer and war crimes enthusiast Dick Cheney. The only man for whom shooting a friend in the face led to a public apology FROM THE FRIEND.

Literally every time I hear Tom Homan talk I'm reminded of the lady who introduces John Daker. youtu.be/8PVal8Fy7CM?...

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

Kirk Douglas - the guy AND THE OTHER GUY from The Man From Snowy River I think the GOAT for this exercise, though, is super common, but not one I share: Paul Newman - the salad guy

What a drive. Seahawks looking good tonight.

🧵

Put up Christmas decor in the tiki bar yesterday, and spent 3 hours on my roof today putting up Christmas lights. That's always the big hurdle, because I need a dry weekend to do the job as safely as possible while there's light out. The rest can be put up whenever. I love this transition period.

At a recent presentation at Cambridge, (prince) Andrew biographer Andrew Lownie claims Epstein and Melania Trump were in a relationship before he introduced her to Trump. When his biography on Andrew was released, Trump forced the publisher to redact those portions. www.youtube.com/watch?v=62j0...

GET FUCKED, GEORGE SPRINGER

More like Shame Bieber. Wait, more like Shane Go Brrr. Help me out, gen z.

While many of you are likely yelling "GO DODGERS" or "GO BLUE JAYS!" I'm yelling "GO ROBERT MUELLER and the rule of law!"

While many of you are likely yelling "GO BLUE JAYS!" or "GO DODGERS!" I'm yelling "GO ROBERT MUELLER and the rule of law!"

some people are saying GO TORONTO BLUE JAYS or GO LOS ANGELES DODGERS but I am saying GO ROBERT MUELLER AND THE RULE OF LAW!!!

While many of you are likely yelling "GO BLUE JAYS" or "GO DODGERS!" I'm yelling "GO ROBERT MUELLER and the rule of law!"

Never go full Mariners

You had your chance, Dodgers. The Ms were ready and waiting. If you lose now, you only have yourselves to blame.

Blue Jays? More like the Blue Balls, amirite?

If the game is tied after 9 innings, the Dodgers should bring in the Mariners to pinch-team.

WOW. Baseball, y'all.

Remains insane that the most popular jock jam of the last 20 years is a White Stripes song.

Sorry, Toronto, but the CN Tower will never be nearly as cool as the Space Needle. Yeah, it's another tall pointy thing, but the main feeling it inspires is "You know what's actually a really cool-looking version of that building? The Space Needle".