I helped one of the older women at yoga set up the Mindbody app on her phone this morning. She had all the font sizes really huge, and I can’t lie, it was kind of nice on the eyes. Aesthetically hideous, but easy.

I woke up feeling snarly and dark this morning, like every bone of kindness had been removed from me while I slept. Going to yoga helped a little bit and I feel less like an asshole now.

I drove by a Waymo with a human in the driver seat and somehow that was just as creepy in a different way

I know better than to comment on FB. I know. And yet every so often I can't resist and get reminded of why I don't do it.

All I see forecast is Nap Weather

you should never apologize for your cat or your tomatoes or the really good sandwich you made taking up space in my feed, it is actually vital content

This is one of my favorite pictures of my dad. He’s 84 now and like many daughters, I have a vast range of feelings about him. But talking to him on phone this morning, I was like oh I definitely see where I got my need to joke about every goddamn thing from.

SJÄMSÅRA

Normal people doing normal things on a Saturday night. Me rhinestoning a bandana and googling "horse eyes" on a Saturday night.

Genuinely fucking painful to have a president this goddamn stupid

My office used to get them for lunch meetings and all afternoon you'd hear the most terrible noises coming from everyone's stomach.

The yoga instructor brought sound bowls to class tonight and dang that was a nice, relaxing way to end our practice.

My new favorite thing is my daughter, a navy ensign, telling me about the dumb call signs of the pilots she meets. I feel like I need to protect identities so I'm not sharing them but trust me, they are goofy AF. Not at all bad ass, which makes them very funny to me.

I don't necessarily want to take a nap today but it seems like a nap might be wanting to take me

Today is Women's Veteran Recognition Day and I guess I got my new license plate just in time. I just realized this is going to make snagging that veteran parking spot at Lowe's even easier, but I will kind of miss glaring at anyone who dares to look at me skeptically.

This is SUCH a good song but I can only listen to half of it because I get so fucking annoyed that she goes back to Jesse. Goddammit, Carly. You just told Sally and Annie to remind you what a shit he was to you and now you're making the wine cold for him again? youtu.be/sgYP-nExMMQ?...

The Berlin Zoo named their baby Hippo Brötchen. :) (Bread roll 🥖)

I need more friends/people to follow on StoryGraph. It's so much better than Goodreads but I do miss seeing reviews and recommendations from the people I had connected with there.

I am sitting here in the dark because the fucking power pole across the street kept exploding earlier. During the (11 days of no power!) ice storm, NES said it was messed up and then never did anything about it so I guess it was just a matter of time.

I got $6.88. That's almost enough for the fancy Amy's frozen vegetable lasagna

Sometimes I sign my burlesque emails "Vengefully yours,".

the main problem with video as a format is that it's too slow at dispensing information. I can read much faster than you can talk and there's no way you can address this without becoming incomprehensible to most of the audience.

Here’s the thing about grown men who have a long list of seedy allegations against them but still seek more power: They are going to continue that track record. You can either accept that or you can be deluded like a Trump supporter.

It’s heeeeere. It’s so dumb. I cannot believe I did this to myself and I cannot believe they approved it.

Fuck yeah, Runaway by Bon Jovi in the thrift store. Great vibes.

I always roll my eyes at the trope of the romance novel protagonist woman who is sooo clumsy, just always in a pickle, dropping things, crashes in the handsome man, etc. But I went on a date Friday night and I exhibited this fucking clumsy ass behavior at least 4 times so maybe.

I have not left the house any farther than the mailbox all weekend and it's been great

hi

Why the fuck, in your menopausal era, do shoulders just get angry? You are no where near my reproductive system (what's left of it), why are you acting like this?? Frozen shoulder sounds like a cut of beef, not a middle age woman problem.

I tried to read Project Hail Mary and it was good but I got 55% of the way in before I got too stressed out and had to scan the last 5% to see what happened. I'm looking forward to watching the movie eventually!

I hate the new Sheets one a lot. Everything looks like it's been refitted for preschoolers.

Bluesky isn't a bubble or an echo chamber, it's a garden. You plant some seeds and pull some weeds, you tend to it with care, and you make it into a space that pleases you when you come to sit in it a while. Other people can plant and tend to their own gardens, if they like. This garden is yours.

I have the lamp in my living room on a timer to turn off at 10 pm. This is supposed to be my cue to quit fucking around on the internet and head to bed. And yet many nights I just sit here in the dark, continuing to fuck around on the internet.

I have a tab open for the application for a burlesque festival. I said I wasn't going to do any more festivals because they are expensive but I also kind of love doing them. This one is half a day's drive and like...maybe I wouldn't even get accepted but maybe

I got so little sleep last night, plus I was already tired from being up late and performing the night before. I worked all morning then ended up on the phone or Zoom all afternoon. I know 7 pm is too early to go to bed, but I am really tempted.

Guys if you log on here actively picking fights and being cranky every day the app is going to suck for you, and it is your fault!

Aging showgirl problems: you can’t fit your reading glasses over your giant false lashes

These lashes are wildly uneven and THAT'S OKAY it's going to be FINE

Hey Nashville, today is pretty much rained out. Why not come out to Corsair Distillery in Marathon Village and watch a bunch of nerdy burlesque? I’ll be performing something very dumb and fun and probably sexy, but you can decide for yourself.

I almost didn't go to the show tonight, but then I would have missed an incredible snail duet. I love burlesque.

In the 5 years I lived in Italy, I created the perfect pizza. Artichokes, mushrooms, capers, grilled eggplant, and gorgonzola. Honorable mention is a simple spinach and ricotta pizza. Every single pizzeria in my region was better than anything I've had anywhere else.

My daughter used to call the restaurant Somic and now that's just the name to me Also somehow I started doing some horrific Spanglish thing that turned into saying "muchas betteras" instead of "much better".

GIVEAWAY! Dead Weight is coming out next week and to celebrate I'm giving away two copies that have been personally bitten by Uggi and will be personally signed by me and shipped to the winners wherever they live! To enter just like and share this post and I'll select the winners on May 26th!

Waffle, eggs, fruit, and a $4 tip. Not being a coffee drinker probably saves me so much money in my lifetime.

Great choice to use the teensiest, tiniest rhinestones on this dress, Bex. You definitely will not drive yourself insane nor go blind.

Lonesome Dove Harriet the Spy The Guncle

A novel described as bleak? In these times? No matter how well it's written, no thank you.

Funny (not funny but you know) that a substantial number of people in this country can't accurately assess what's going on because they can't bring themselves to believe that someone could be this stupid, let alone the president

Okay allergies are absolutely driving me insane this year. I've never had such itchy nose and eyes and so much sneezing. But I'm not congested. What kind of allergy meds would I even take for this?

I was thinking that maybe today could be a day when I do not leave the house at all. I love those days every now and then. But I've got too many orders to fit in my mailbox, so I'll have to take them to the post office. It's a good thing, but it does mean I'll have to put on shoes at some point.