I thought I'd lost my credit card, and was worried, then I looked for it, in the places it might be, and it was in the second place I checked. Will I learn to do other tasks right away? No, I shouldn't think so. I think I'll learn that later.

I saw walrus this year and fell in love with them. They are 75kgs as babies! They sleep in heaps not for warmth but because they just like it! Their teeth can get stuck in the ice if they lie on their fronts!

I am proud of how Dad my Dad is

Well, there's a necklace I'm far too online for

It stopped raining, so the busker I hate is back. Sadly, cold doesn't work. Still, that run of rainy days was nice

oh my god

Presenting proof that my friend Chris loves me very much (they are his favourite ones, too)

Doesn't seem very sanitary, but, ok

What do you even do if you're in Jamaica right now? Go to high ground away from the sea, but how do you shelter everyone from those winds?

I pet a nice little dog today. She was wearing a knitted jumper with foxes on it.

If you're looking at waterslides, it's flumescrolling

Today on walkies, we had a guest star, Flynn the dog. She's very pretty black lab type and did Sit and Wait for treats from me. What a good girl! (Patrick is dog sitting)

Bloom & Wild deliver my regular flowers. Today they contain lillies. My instructions are very clear, no lillies in this house, because 1- they kill cats and I have cats that visit, and 2- they make me feel trapped and like I'm dying. I emailed them, quite cross. And they? Blamed the postman.

Affectionate remembrance, indeed

My old 16-page comic where Frasier meets Columbo can be read on my website: joechouinard.com/columbo

I need some book recommendations, mainly for audiobooks. I like crime if it's fictional, I like it when there's funny stuff, I don't really like those big books that take ages telling me about the tree on the hill, and my appetite for sci-fi is limited but if the story is good enough I'm there.

Things are not always what they appear

We all slack off, I know. But, having rescued TWO bathroom spiders this morning, I'm pretty bloody cross that I had to catch that fly just then.

The Algorithm is bad, we all know. But also, this playlist "you might like" has given me Cher - Gypsies Tramps and Thieves, and The Levellers - One Way, so it's not *entirely* bad. And I just looked ahead and there's Patti Smith coming soon.

So many, but let's face it, she's the best

Phone scanners not even trying, as "Magda from O2 legal" calls about my recent car accident.

this is, hands down, the best video I've seen on men's influencer content and it's not close either

Anyone got a recommendation for a nice film for me to watch tonight? Something that won't fill me with despair. I've Netflix, Prime, Disney, BBC and the free ones.

I do not wish to panic anyone, but Evri just delivered a parcel, on time, to me, actually in person.

In competition for the worst feeling (unrelated to bodily or emotional pain) has to be finding the peas in the freezer are soft. And, yep, that's a tray of little cubes of water in the top drawer.

This frontispiece in my book just made me laugh a lot. Is this Buddhist reincarnation, or some other form of afterlife?

Colleague just said something is "a mind field"

Well, if The Toxic Avenger is your sort of thing, The Toxic Avenger is top. The Toxic Avenger is my sort of thing. Zamboni.

As if I couldn’t love him more, Ncuti Gatwa trying to explain Ribena to his American co-star is the joy we all need in the world today. You’re welcome.

Overheard voices from the close at the back of my flat "oh my god, this is so funny! Why is this hill so steep!" Welcome to Edinburgh, ladies.

I love living right in the city centre. So easy and quick to get home. Unless you're the kind of idiot who goes to gigs in Glasgow on Tuesday nights. Then it's last train back, and OMG the *stairs*.

Think I'll read this once a week forever. Patricia Routledge, I love you.

Today on walkies, we were delighted to find the low road is open again to pedestrians so we walkied on into Duddingston, accidentally tripped into the Sheep Heid, and had a couple of drinks, before we walkied on home again. And you know? It sounds lazy, but it's still about 5km, which isn't so bad.

It came out of nowhere!

Just saw this trailer when at the cinema to watch Together with my pal Malcolm, and I have to tell you, we were unsettled. Not because of the horror. youtu.be/RqV3TUOLsM0?...

did you fall from heaven? because you look like you're probably at war with god

Help! I really want something, but I don't want anything. What do I want?

Posting this again because it’s so joyfully stupid. I think it should probably have one of those ‘posts the same thing every hour’ accounts dedicated to it

I just deadlifted 170kgs for the first time. Yeah! Officially one third as strong as Hafþór!

Apparently you can't just record yourself screaming as a description, so I have relunctantly written some actual words about the problems we're facing as a rescue

There are so many people I only ever hear of in the context of "look at what this baddy has said now" and I really wish I could avoid all of that. It doesn't help that the news is nothing but baddies, of course.

Colleague carefully explains some element of banking corporate finance structure to me Me, a professional: oh, like what they were stealing in Die Hard? Colleague, tired: yes, pretty much

This is so real lmaoooo "She booked a solo trip to Iceland while you were composing your <<good morning>> text" 😂😂

I bought a multipack of Double Deckers yesterday, and haven't had a moment's peace since.