@alixiswright.bsky.social Saw your handle and immediately followed. Currently re-reading the series.

Has there ever been 13’ of goalie playing in a single game? Habs-Leafs tonight is an inch short.

Hockey moves like it’s being played in water. The faster the game gets, the more apparent it becomes. You’re always in the middle of a tide you have to negotiate and manipulate.

🦃 🦃 🦃

This is surprising. I’m not sure it’s legal to use targets, but I’m sure they’d be better 🎯

HEY YOU KIDS OUT THERE LISTEN UP. USE YOUR BLOCKER ON BLOCKER-SIDE SHOTS!

Has a horror movie ever featured a scene where a person opens the door to let their dog back in at night, and what comes bounding through isn’t your dog? Whether it’s a wild animal or something supernatural, I think about this daily.

5 mins into the Blair Witch, I told my kids it was a documentary. They haven’t so much as blinked for the last half hour.

It every other journalist doesn’t repeat Mark’s question (asking nothing else) until it’s answered, every outlet is craven. I don’t even care if you personally believe the players are totally innocent and the team is perfectly justified to employ them. The principle’s too important to politicize.

Is there a good reason why manufacturers don’t make non-elastic toe-ties or straps with their pads? The Warrior system is simple and elegant. If the already adjustable strap was made a bit longer and without elastic, I feel like it would be perfect. Am I missing something?

Boredom is unappreciated serenity.

🇨🇦

Baseball looks like the easiest major sport, and it’s not close. How long would it take you to be exposed as a non-player if you were a right fielder batting at the bottom of the order? In football, basketball, soccer, hockey, tennis, golf etc, you’d be discovered in seconds.

Carey Price deserves to be in the Hall of Fame because he was easily the most famous goaltender of his era, and his name remains synonymous with goaltending excellence. It’s the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Objective Career Excellence. Put the famous people in.

Salary Cap

bad news: life’s been feeling like george brett at the bellagio good news: my therapist never heard of george brett so i got to see someone watch this video for the first time

LLMs are what happen when you put autocorrect on steroids. That’s all.

The embodiment of Canadian hockey values is Patrice Bergeron. The embodiment of Finnish hockey values is Aleksander Barkov. These players are functionally identical. Therefore Canadian and Finnish hockey values are the same. Discuss.

TLDR: Florida wins because they’re fucken stacked.

Listening to right wing American Christian radio right now, and holy shit, it’s a very different world than I’m used to. I think it’s good for me. Check back in a week to see if I’ve become unrecognizable.

Anybody trying to put Skinner on Team Canada needs to be investigated as an enemy of the state.

“God himself couldn’t sink this ship.”

You can shoot a man on 5th Avenue and nobody says a thing. But shoot the puck over the glass and you pay the price.

I’d have mixed feelings if my fans cheer for me sounded like booing.

Let’s bring JT to Montreal too. He and Mitch can finally bring the Cup home to Toronto next summer, wearing the bleu, blanc, et rouge.

I’ve convinced myself that Marner would be incredible in Montreal. Please tell me why I’m wrong.

Never been so freaked out in a theatre as when I realized that the man whose entire lineage is destined to be wiped out in the latest Final Destination is named Paul Campbell 💀💀💀

This is one of the wildest thing I've ever seen

The only thing about this greeting that made me upset was that I hadn’t thought of it first. It’s a tiny poem-bomb of which we are wholly unworthy. The low vs the high, the modern vs the archaic, the silly vs the absurdly serious: I’m swooning.

Any chance the Final could start in May?!

I love how hard Canes fans are leaning into this.

There’s nothing harder to cheer for than a team full of stars with no heroes.

If the leafs win this series, I’ll buy all my TikTok followers a replica Joseph Woll goalie mask.

Dissecting Connor Hellebuyck's performance and psychology — and the specific ways goaltending coaches say Hellebuyck needs to lock in for Round 2. Has Hellebuyck broken through? Analysis, with plenty of expert help ⤵️: www.nytimes.com/athletic/633...

So the Russian Machine *does* Break.

A pair of critically endangered, nearly 100-year-old Galapagos tortoises at the Philadelphia Zoo have become first-time parents.

I read “on fleek” in an article today. It sounds ancient.

I know executive orders are a thing every president had used, but maybe there should be formal limits on the scope of those orders. Why have a legislative branch at all?

Don't disagree with Barney, but I'd like to hark back to a piece I wrote in 2022 "In the absence of the chef, it is the waiter who is put under pressure to answer for the meal. Or the diners themselves being asked to justify this turd of a dish that they didn’t cook, from a chef they didn't choose"

Bill Burr’s new special is stellar. It’s his best work.

No matter how sober, every single person, customer and employee, in every single weed shop, seems high.

Folks.

Out on the rink today, March 9, in Southwestern Ontario. No refrigeration. Best winter ever.

How to identify Canadians in America (Daywalkers): We tend to be paler. “Sorry” is a reliable shibboleth. If you give us ice tea from the south, we will initially gag. Ask us how far away a place is to drive, and we’ll answer in kilometers. We never use the term “Eskimo.” GenZed, not GenZee.

Canadians wear their tinfoil a little differently.

Fuck Night in Canada

Do not cause contact with your GOALIE

I asked #NHLJets G Eric Comrie about how the 4 Nations may help grow the sport of hockey. He believes it will -- but said "it’s ridiculous how expensive it is and it kind of grosses me out thinking about how hard it is for kids to play this game." His full quote: