This hotel not having floor length mirrors is homophobic

Do you know how hard it is to go to restaurant?

Me when:

They just announced they’re turning the power off in the gym in 15 minutes

If you see a horny dm from me no you didn’t

I would find a picture of me from 2019 but I’m not that old

Run finished. Work put off until Monday. Wedding ready. Dying inside.

Baristas love to make a point of letting me know they remember me and my order

I don’t want to run today but I’m being brave about it

I have no sense of time

Me as a kid watching Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle:

There’s a scene that hit way too close to home and I was bawling

Seated for the hacks finale

Went on a date with the guy who has the fattest ass at my gym (we shared weights)

Forgot to turn on content filters at the gym 🫠

Do you think anyone on this zoom call can tell I was just crying?

there has never been a better time to tell this company worth BILLIONS to drop their lawsuit against a drag queen working for climate awareness :)

Me when I’m being a hypocrite:

Okay NOW I will be productive (phone is going to die)

@wielderofthekey.bsky.social loves to tell people what to do with their phones

Did you know BGB studios is run by the bin laden of bluesky?

Learned the hard way that I was supposed to run longer today

Me:

Horny got the best of me last night

My brother is taking pictures of old family photos and having ai restore/colorize them but he’s acting like he’s doing it all himself

Tonight’s Irish lesson:

Bloomf when I ask him about @kxdyn.bsky.social :

So quote skeets are just going to be out of control until the Flopsky awards?

Why I got fired as a firefighter:

There are weights on 2 different levels at my gym and sometimes the weight you need is at neither

?????

Time to jump in a freezing pool emoji to hide how fucking red my face is

He told me he doesn’t like *** but then he couldn’t get enough tastes of mine

Finally going to see obsession tonight

Gym membership expires next Sunday so every time I go to the gym I get harassed by the manager

Pest control when I ask them how much longer they’re gonna need:

Happy Sunday bloomfs I hope you enjoyed church this morning

Why did Irish Siri read a Partiful link as potty full cummy?

Can’t get out of bed today until he skeets it

Had to go for a walk because I fucked up tracking my calories

Feeling very susceptible to marketing campaigns rn

If you have something mean to say about someone… Check to see if any bloomfs blocked them first to know who you can say it to

I almost over shared with everyone but I decided not to at the last second. Are you proud of me?

How’s everyone’s Saturday morning going?

Time to enjoy a long weekend

Guy in the sauna was taking up 3-4 spots, had a very dry cough and then asked me to move because the light was hurting him

@gaymer.fit I fear it may be too late @huskyfit.bsky.social

They’re trying to take control of my skeets

Can I come over and do this?

@mynameistyler.bsky.social I skeeted 25 times yesterday. Should I do more or less today?