Martha Stewart went to prison for this shit

Me: it's pretty messed up to call it Good Friday, because most Fridays are already good. It's one of the best days! A good Monday or Tuesday would be more unique, imo. Jesus: ok, but that's not why I think that is a bad name for it.

I'm not loving this new Bluesky feature where it doesn't let you do a reply unless your joke is at minimum a B-, and otherwise it just gets stuck processing...

"To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep, No more; and by a sleep to say, There is no try" -Yoda

None of this would have happened if they hadn't suppressed my screenplay for The Mighty Morbin' Power Rangers.

I know this looks cool, but it's obviously a fake. From that angle you could easily be able to see at least three of the elephants holding the world upon their backs, and also the Great A'Tuin below them, swimming through the void of space.

Thirty-one years ago today, the New Orleans-based alternative rock band Better than Ezra released its hit single “Good,” marking the first-ever Good Friday, which has now grown into a major holiday celebrated throughout the world.

Do you think the astronauts thought to bring a pistol with them in case the moon is haunted, so they don't have to come all the way back like the guy from the meme?

Why did Hamlet never respect the main anchor or the sports reporter on the local news? . .. ... .... ..... Weather tis nobler.

I’m not, in principle, opposed to retellings of the same story just because there’s a “definitive” version, but the sheer scale of this production is just an insane amount of effort to recreate the existing version aesthetically

I hadn't really been following the details of this because it's just enriching the British Elon Musk. But they're just making a TV show with the same plot as the books and movies? It's not like, adventures of other kids or a sequel or something? Just...the same thing as the popular films?

Official statement re: Dan Bongino

You heard it from the New York Times folks, if you come to my cycle classes you will live forever. Plus my music is fire emoji, as the kids would say if it was still 2019 or so.

I like to imagine the record is "longest line of cheesesteaks at Philly International Airport as a live DJ played bangers," and that there have been longer lines, but they were at 30th Street station, or were at the airport but the DJ was playing bad music.

People say Bluesky isn't a sports app...

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

One thought I've had is that a few years ago, if a couple of dudes in Carhartt hoodies were grabbing women and dragging them away in an airport, we would be debating if the airport cops could have stopped them non-lethally, but know that obviously they didn't.

You cannot be saying this kind of thing when your primary job is podcaster.

Oh Lord in heaven or whatever do I want a president who is smart again!

I know it probably doesn't make much of a difference, but we should also destroy all the gas powered leaf blowers and lawn mowers.

🎵🎶 I can put my arms around every girl I see But they only remind me of you I went to the doctor, guess what he told me Guess what he told me He said, "Boy, you better try to have fun no matter what you do" But I'm Pagliacci 🎵🎶

And it shows, Sports Illustrated today did a mock draft in which they predicted that Seattle would draft the guy they drafted 4 years ago and who was their best player in the Super Bowl they just won

My "I am not a scammer or a spammer" pinned skeet is raising a lot of questions already answered by my "I am not a scammer or a spammer" pinned skeet:

That la-da-da-da-da in Because I Got High by Afroman is an S class earworm.

Listening to @bowulf.bsky.social and @ej-smith.bsky.social talk about Irish accents, and what I want to hear is each of them do a full hoagiemouth accent. Talk about goin a Rita's fer some wudder ices afor goin huum cos i godda leave early tmara to go downa shore.

Is it a betrayal of my culture (Philadelphia) that I have no intention of teaching my kids about the traditional Philly area St. Pats treat that is "Irish potatoes"?

This reminds me of playing a kids version of 20 questions where the answer has to be a kind of animal. My son would often select Pokemon as his animal, but to make it harder it would usually be a pokemon of his own invention, never before described by science.

People on Bluesky arguing over Sinners vs OBAA at the Oscars can be annoying. But over on X, the everything app, they're getting in fights about who the real winner should have been, either Melania or GodDoesReal #GodDoesReal

For people who want to hear what a Philadelphian like the one depicted sounds like, I offer you: bsky.app/profile/garl...

Beside the ocean. While leaving the fire behind, swiym out past the breakers, and watching the world die

Pedocon theory is a theory like gravity is a theory.

Noah Smith is the poor man's Matthew Yglesias, and let me tell you, they ain't exactly selling Matty for top dollar these days, y'know?

Been looking at potential playlists for my St. Patrick's Day playlist, and the question arises: is it racist to think that Scottish bands are Irish (or perhaps that St. Patrick is from Scotland)? And worse: do people think Ed Sheeran is Irish because he has red hair and an accent?

I'm at a kids event where the kids are in a different room, and in the adult room they are playing, at a volume just at the edge of hearing, Come Sail Away by Styx.

Stealing is wrong unless you're getting the team together for one last big score so you can retire and go legit because the most important thing is family.

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

This is how the South China Morning Post reports that Trump had the worst diarrhea anyone has ever had while on an airplane.

Obviously Trump is a jackass to be wearing a ball cap to military funerals, but I won't want to criticize too much because you know when It Happens I am gonna be dressed like it's Mardi Gras for his funeral.

Spring Forward sucks, but remember we are now in the part of the year that is better optimized for the vast majority of people to get more sun. We've already made this sacrifice, we must never fall back again. youtu.be/RSSVaW5fklc?...

Go into the comments of this post and share who YOU think is the dumbest man in the US Congress. And let me tell you folks, there are some contenders. A bag of hammers doesn't even make the top ten.

When Harry Turtledove looks at you and says "come on, you can't pretend the bad guys won in a documented historical situation in which they very much did not win."

How do you like THESE apples, Mr. Madame Secretary, Sir?

My favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is Fake Plastic Trees.

I didn't expect the "then they came for..." to hit me QUITE so specifically, but lesson learned.

All the other kids with their pumped up kicks saying Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! All the other kids with their pumped up kicks saying Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks Ohiooooo!

Not wrong bro but she published that book before you voted to confirm her

I've seen enough, Trump is a Frankenstein now. Afraid of fire, bride hates him, had to have his head reattached...it all adds up.

Do Senate candidates have debates? Because Platner's staff should start training him right now on the correct way to respond when the moderator says "everyone who supports this policy, raise your hand." No Graham, straight up, not forward just above shoulder height with your palm facing down!