laying down after a dinner shift is Drugs

santas claus

ouch ow ouchhhhhh but good. but good!!!!!!!!

SLATHER me in chalet sauce

big shirt biiig shirt

ok so i figured out a goal but now i have to WORK towards it? i cant just jump to it immediately? i have to work my dogshit job tonight and for the foreseeable future?? FUCK

punch me in the face

i would like a few specific things to happen

eating oysters is supposed to be an aphrodisiac but imo shucking them is horny as fuck

would kill for this t b q h

80/20 gay/bi

i read this out loud to my wife like i was jay leno

do you think eating beets will turn my cum pink?

Every body break up with your significant others. We're doing something else now

im not allowed to find and purchase pants that fit me i guess

ive had so many awful interactions with doctors, nurses, and pharmacists that when one is kind and professional im like 🥹 omg what a sweet man 🥹 that pharmacist is my uncle now 🥹

big juicy breakfast burrito

I've pulled beauty from the jaws of creation and yet still you all forget my power

how tf did i get cock blocked by a fucking earwig im so pissed off

help!? help!!!????

attended a hardcore show in a church basement

might buy a $50 necklace just to feel something i shouldn't, but i might

Oh I get it. taylor swift is having a midlife crisis and despite being richer than God wants to be "as cool" as charli and sabrina

i am cool and nice and everyone wants to be my friend 😌🙏

i do not get nervous before social functions

i also REALLY need to go thrifting for some better clothes

i think i just gotta change some habits to alter my proportions a bit and then ill feel better. i do want to be strong/thick im just carrying bulk in places i don't desire it. im trying to be as objective as possible and not get devoured alive by brain worms

SPEAKING OF i totally forgot my dose this morning uggghhhhhhhhhhhhh glad i realized it before i left

realizing the physical changes that have been freaking me tf out lately are most likely caused by upping my T dose 😵‍💫😖🙃 you really truly cannot have it all despite what id like to believe

fuck it im wearing my big stompers today

a sign of a well-run kitchen: i get texts asking me to work on every day off

happy birthday to jen shah

love when a new tswift album drops because i am such a hater

well my name's Taylor and i'm here to say that i've taken his member in a christ-approved way

you can have it all

hmmmmmm i think people who have bodies that look like mine are very attractive but i think my own body is [many negative adjectives] hmmm HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

working in kitchens makes me feel powerful in a very specific way but the older i get the more i crave stability that i will never find there. hmm

u ever listen to a song u used to listen to when u were daydreaming about the life u have now

this is the noise i make when someone hot compliments my work. and then 2 other people compliment me as well~

heeheehee and furthermore, hoohoooooo

pov you’re in the smoke pit at the circus and one of the clowns is trying to get you to step a little bit to the right. yeah to the right. just a liiiiittle bit more. perfect. no sweetheart don’t even worry about that giant X on the ground it’s definitely fine

need to lose a little weight so wearing my hard pants isn't such an exercise in discomfort

I was not built to create surplus value i was built to eat figs

the kids are alright

🌎👨‍🚀: the company is an adversary? 🔫👨‍🚀: always has been

sometimes jerking off is like eating shredded cheese out of the bag standing in front of the open fridge

PRETTY GOOD DAY T B Q H

It’s crazy that in Bluey all the parents are married to the same breed as each other. And you know what else is weird? Well not my penis. That’s perfectly normal