*paula cole voice* where have all the chopped uncs goooonnneee

DAMN BABY, U PISS WITH THAT ASS??

i want to stick my dick into something

this guy is such a dumb fucking bitch omg

almost time to rock an absolutely incredible piss

Another #portfolioday filled with pics of things that ended up in the hands of cool people

i’m so deeply sad to hear of the recent celebrity passing. i don’t want to come off as parasocial, but i really loved his work and his talent will be missed. i thought he was fantastic in severance and- [intern comes on stage and whispers something in my ear] oh seriously? lol. lmao. thats awesome

i was on the phone with my best friend for 2 whole hours earlier and i completely forgot to get her opinion on a troubling ongoing social situation FUCK!!!!!

i love that one of the last lessons 2025 offered me was "i can smoke cigarettes sometimes" #grateful #blessed🙏🏼

im taking your tumblr theyfriend and forcemascing him. im making him toxic. he's wearing a backwards cap and talking about fucking bubble butt twinks. this is the future the transsexual left wants.

oh no bestie, they're gonna internet kill you for that

Sure man ok

taco baco gave me a 7up that has but a whisper of syrup in it. however, the carbonation is dialed up to 200%. this is the most refreshing soft drink ive ever sipped

the way my wife posts turns me on, sorry

Cuz I got one hand in my pocket And the other ones making a jerk-off motion

pay every line cook $50/hour jesus christ

unfortunately for my ops i was cured by one shot of whiskey and one cigarette

had a realization about how badly social media/scrolling is rotting out my brain (everything youve heard is true, sadly) so im once again attempting to be here much much less. take care of yourselves <3

clove cigarettes

i keep dreaming about parties, old friends, socializing at events. im sure this doesn't mean anything

everything aligns i must believe this

yessssssss mysterious dm from an acquaintance, raise my blood pressure!!

i think torrenting is so beautiful, looking at the list of your peers is like touching hands with your class siblings all over the world

yahoo

if you like my haircut you have to tell me, it's the law

Now you can hear what these goobers sound like

you know what my problem is? genuinely? i haven't been eating any sweet potatoes lately

just wait until you see what im like in february!!!!!!!!!

take me back to the keystone state

sorry! january makes me unpleasant

maybe i can just decide im not mentally ill anymore. ok so i no longer experience disordered thinking. im pretty chill and my brain is normal. i function well

i wish i had the kind of mental illness that makes shit interesting but i have the obsessive rumination kind instead

IM BORED im sick of having an anxiety disorder im sick of being stuck in the same geographical location im sick of winter

happy 5 year anniversary to me and clove :) one anniversary of many. also yes it was on *that* day. what can i say we're very romantic

trying to fart out a tummy ache

happy january 6 to all who celebrate

now this is a christmas movie!!

FUCK IT, catch me if you can

no i think you misunderstood me, im here to read funny posts

tl;dr: I am hearing that on his deathbed Scott Adams received the light of Islam and unhesitatingly recited the Shahada. Even now she looks down on the Ummah from the gardens of Jannah. Truly there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet!

what should i make for dinner

7️⃣7️⃣7️⃣

cum

go to work? but i JUST did that????

barry lyndon

my wife is so much cooler than me i need to get my shit together honestly

Wait. Wait wait wait. Dirk Diglett

if the post fits

not ME ordering herbal clove cigarettes online

i can’t believe what some bitches out there are saying about dirk diggler’s prosthetic dick, honestly fucking unspeakable. as a trans woman, dirk diggler’s prosthetic dick is a comfort character and im tired of the way that some people on this website talk about it