Could he be the Barack Obama of assassins? 🤔

Fighting the loneliness epidemic by looking at my phone and absent-mindedly getting into same section of the revolving door as a stranger

David Harbour does such an incredible job of portraying someone with undiagnosed sleep apnea.

Ofelia Torres, the teenage Chicago Public Schools student whose fight against cancer while her father was detained by ICE came to represent the federal government's overreach during Operation Midway Blitz, has died. Brave young woman. I will never forget her. RIP.

Can I count being the doorman at the venue where an hbo comedy special records as being the “opening act”?

MARK YOUR CALENDARS: On Thurs Feb 26th, Genius Night returns to turn you into a wise genius using our incredible comedy skills. Featuring Anime Sickos Podcast's own @shariauncle.bsky.social , Gwynn Fulcher, @veryimportant.lawyer, @arish-ish.bsky.social, Will Sonheim, and Josh Watkins! BE THERE!!

A loud and unequivocal NO to war with Venezuela, to starving the people of Venezuela, to belligerence, to anything that takes us even an inch closer to a US invasion.

Let the people trapped in the bean out and seal it back up with ice agents who posed in front of it.

Another afternoon wasted pondering whether Steven Wright or Wallace Shawn would win in a squint off

“That's when I gave my cousin Pez. Gave my cousin Pez, gave my cousin Pez…” - Weird Al, if he had any guts

I'm just glad Pope Francis didn't live long engough to see the Kanye tweet.

Kinda redundant no?

No, not until she drops her mixtape

What a fate for the Jewish people…to become Polish

Damn TikTok is being court ordered to turn into X.

Except for the mention of taking on healthcare, these sound pretty much exactly like the rationales people gave for voting for GW Bush. Especially “run the country like a business”

In terms of armed antiestablishment icons, is this the biggest win for the bi community since Dog Day Afternoon?

No you idiot Harold & Kumar weren't just 'going to White Castle.' They were transgressing the castle of whiteness!

Let me get this straight…you just want to rock down to electric avenue…and then, if I’m following you correctly, you want us to take it higher!?!

Ah the sweet soothing sounds of one or two fireworks going off each couple of minutes for several hours

My fav punk song growing up was by a local band led by my bike mechanic where he sung in a kinda faux british goth voice, repeating just one verse with an increasingly frantic tone, “Happy Mother’s Day...Daddy!” This day always brings back warm memories of jamming out to that.

Developing a method of Ayurvedic healing where I deal with reoccuring painful memories by rubbing various spices in my eyes

Acquitted by a jury of my peers on all counts of being a real ass dude

Giving a polite “aw shucks” shrug with just a trace of smugness in my smile as Alanis Morrisette bellows “Thank you India!” over the speakers of this empty mall food court.

It was only until my after my white friends declared it “weird” that I ever gave any thought to how I would speak the “American” way at school and then go home & codeswitch to addressing to my Indian parents in a moderately offensive Jamaican accent.

All I really want is to leave this garbage world where we are always online yelling at everyone and go back to when we'd spend our nights looking up at the stars yelling at them about the failed crop harvest threatening the survival of our families.

Imagine if all the liberal & conservative comedians thumbed their nose at all this drummed up controversy & just got together to perform their amazing bits someplace idk like on a cruise ship & that ship sailed idk constantly near the Red Sea & the Gulf of Aden 😍😍😍

It’s Saturday night, who’s down to do it up right 💀🎉🕺🏽

Hunter Biden shit is wild. I didn’t even know you could owe back taxes on your penis.

The Dave Chapelle Norman Finkelstein tour is gonna be nuts

Salute to people posting irl 🇵🇸

From Chicago…our show tonight…in three bands

I call on DSA to demand the unequivocal liberation of Palestine from Israel and that god awful toupee from Shri Thanedar's head

Oh come on!

Sad Ben Norton didn’t do the righteous thing and take every penny this dumbfuck’s got.

Ro Khanna having a sentimental moment with mom and dad at a slave labor site

Let’s hear it for the highway 🎉 🎉🎉

I wrote about why everyone is mad at Ashton Kutcher lyz.substack.com/p/a-good-man...

Doing comedy to raise money for Illinois Starbucks Workers United with Devin Schiff (an editor of The Onion), so to all five people this reaches, go to this show! @sbworkersunited.bsky.social

Jazz and 9/11 jokes are the only true American art forms

Sure the depictions are absurdly unrealistic but the John Wick movies have to be such a gratifying outlet for any red-blooded young man with a passionate interest in hotel management.

Packers fans wearing foam cheesehead hats but it’s giant hair helmets worn by a roomful of attendees at a Dean Koontz reading

the duality of man

Even if you somehow don’t find Martin Short funny, you have to respect his commitment to physically transforming into Jiminy Glick. Puts both De Niro’s efforts in Raging Bull & D’Onofrio’s in Full Metal Jacket to shame.

I find it deeply sad that Christopher Lloyd was never cast in the film role he was born to play, the star of a zany screwball comedy based on the life and times of Michel Foucault

My big comedy goal is to get on Jimmy Fallon & slow jam a pencil into his head

One is book smart the other is bite-the-head-off-a-live-chicken-at-the-circus-for-money smart

Somebody asked for them so here are all of my letterboxd reviews of old cartoons. Have at it, perverts. letterboxd.com/bransonreese...

chill night with me and the homies

Never thought gummy candy could fill me with this much horror and awe