this is the year i get a cat. i sense it

this is the only time i’m asking old people to tap in how do we feel about the bit o honey rebrand?? is the new bee scary or fun

literally what do ANY of you know about this shit

been reading up on the blue man group and just found out they were in an episode of halt and catch fire like right after i stopped watching it i fumbled so bad

(lana del rey voice) will you still love me even though i am chopped and also unc

idk if it’s my ny italian indoctrination but i don’t get lasagna soup. just make fucking lasagna and eat it solid like a big girl

i hate giving people i know who suck views like i don’t wanna hand it to truckinbill1776 but he got a great front row pov of the knotts berry farm log flume

biena chickpea snacks...you have bewitched me body and soul

reflecting on how being “intimidating” is truly the biggest gift i ever gave myself thank you me 😌

insulted that the robo scammers would assume i have a coinbase account smh

took half an hour trying to find the song stuck in my head and tried all of those "hum and we'll find the song" websites and they were all useless!!! and surely it wasnt my fault!

older man came to my line today and said his wife left him with the bags like 🙄but then he got so soft and went “but she’s the best. i love her. we’ve been married 44 years” and i was like what’s the secret and he said “she puts up with so much too, we forgive each other every day”

three different customers called me beautiful today so my rizz is insane in case anyone was curious

friends kept me distracted all day swimming and watching the muppet show in a basement bc fireworks really upset me 😌 this is what the future has to be about baby, it’s showing up for your loved ones

need it to be known that as a fellow chubby bitch who loves custard and showing hole that ive BEEN a pompompurin girl

if you saw hozier cover sweet thing live just know i am developing the technology to steal your memories. i will take your eyeballs

this blind box set got the mayor from ppg crying in a blunt bob and bang i’m fucking losing it

haven’t fallen for the labubu illness but i know if i saw two menopausal southern women hawking them on qvc i would buy a whole box set

call my pussy jeb the way they clap for my bush

got the ick

i think rolling around in a dust bath like an overgrown chinchilla would cure me

had hummus, chia pudding, and salad today

who

getting assaulted with party 4 u fleabag edits while i’m going thru something is DIABOLICAL actually!

hit 50 degrees today, 3 days off next week, trip planned next month got me feeling like A block of Philadelphia brand cream cheese with its flaps spread open

at work thinking about my potato leek soup. does she miss me

valentines coming up if anyone is trying to declare their love for me i’ll take it in the form of the le creuset shallow heart cocotte with light gold heart knob in peche

rewatching twin peaks and wishing i was involved in a mysterious murder so agent dale cooper could interrogate me :/

if i had a billion dollars and worldwide influence i would simply not debut my new character "Transphobic Lil Dicky" live on Joe Rogan's DMT Telethon

cant open tt in public bc i get 4 dtmf videos in a row and im boohooing snot running down my face in line at the store

where does the new york times even find these people

You can tell that he was standing in front of a green screen

i think at this point the only way i’m wanted is in the state of california for petty theft and other various misdemeanors

im making chai snickerdoodles if anyone wants me (5’4, okay credit, parents love me)

i love having a space i can paint and decorate. i love googling shit like “gay miami themed bathroom inspo”

christmas haul 🤪🤪🤪 sound off with your best presents this year 🙏🏻

type of sick where i have the heat on and the window open like it’s typhoid running thru the tenement 😔

this skeet will self-destruct but little me wasn’t sure if i’d make it to 30 so this is cool thanks for being here for any part of it :)

jacob’s pickle at moynihan for breakfast and rose’s at penn for dinner can i get an a fucking men

bringing someone home and inviting them to sit on the squouch while i freshen up

logging on

what if i was also just a little gentleman

sorry babe but i’m not looking for anything serious, i haven’t been the same since they announced they’re getting rid of the muppet courtyard

gonna start streaming “anti-content” which is the silent 20 minute interval where i stare at the floor after i come home from work

walking around with a parrot on my shoulder to let the bitches know i’m on some swashbucklin shit

not feeling very fergalicious today :/

Cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye bro

fanboy nerds are always like “film snobs love 5 hour long b/w foreign movies about oppression or metaphors or whatever” and like yeah i eat that shit up, i also love watching vin diesel miraculously survive a ten story fall onto the hood of the car and then talk about familia, get some range bitch