Sound up. This is how he tells me he’s hungry in the morning.

SNAP benefits expire in one week.

This year’s roundup of the dumbest “sexy” costumes

Never look a gift whore in the mouth

The war zone in Portland is out of control.

I can’t be the only one who thinks that Aer Lingus sounds naughty.

🐸

Pritzker: "Stephen Miller is clearly ordering people to break the law. So he should know that yeah, it may be three years from now that he is held accountable, but I think it's important for them to know that whatever they do now, it's not like we're going to forget."

Last plunge of the season!

Actual words said in a windows and doors company ad: our products are designed to open and close…for YEARS! As opposed to becoming one with the house and sealing me in?

I’d like to think, that until you get clocked with flying debris, the first few spins in a tornado are kind of fun.

I sometimes feel guilty that I’m so good looking, smart, funny, kind, successful and a demon in the sack. Wait, no I don’t. It’s fucking awesome to be me.

Charmin should bring back Mr.Whipple.

You know what’s more dangerous than Tylenol? Fucking bullets. If it was really about the safety and well being of children, you’d ban assault rifles.

I’m sorry but this is the best product name I have ever seen

This is the part of the cartoon where Disney realizes that the tunnel is just painted on.

Disney/ABC have a responsibility to refuse to participate in corruption. Kimmel must be reinstated. If Disney/ABC agree to this extortion then perhaps creatives + workers should consider collective action to push back. Same w/buying park + cruise tickets if they bow. People have power. Ask Target

Barack Obama scolds media companies: Get a spine The former president said the media needs to "start standing up" for free speech after Jimmy Kimmel's suspension.

NBC should hire Colbert and Kimmel. They would own late night! But like start them at 8pm for us old people.

Dr. Susan Monarez: “I could have stayed silent, agreed to the demands, and no one would have known. What the public would have seen were scientists dismissed without cause and vaccine protections quietly eroded…I would have lost the one thing that cannot be replaced: My integrity.”

in light of the kimmel news, just a reminder that a few days ago a prominent fox news host literally called for killing homeless people. right afterward, someone shot up a couple homeless encampments. that fox news host still has his job.

So Nancy Mace is terrified of transgender women in bathrooms because she was assaulted by a bunch of cisgender men. Do I have that right?

I’m not sure if he’s using Ozempic, but his cankles do look better.

so many dead canaries and we just keep on mining

So are they planning on replacing Colbert and Kimmel with Trump people. Oh my sweet Jesus. Is this the timeline where Stephen Miller has a late night talk show?

Do you think Kristi Noem knows that Nancy Mace is bucking to be orange Daddy’s new favourite girl?

I got excited when I was shopping and got a litre of olive oil for $10.99. They said maximum 2 per customer, but you know what? I bought 4. I’m still punk rock as fuck.

Hey Philadelphia Cream Cheese, no one is dipping strawberries into you. Stop lying.

💯

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

A person that loses a spouse is a widow/er, a child that loses their parents is an orphan. But there’s no word for a parent that loses a child, because it’s too fucking awful to name.

I’m not without empathy, but when Kirk’s wife cried about having to explain to her 3 year old what happened to her father, I thought, imagine having to tell a classroom full of parents that their children are dead.

Maybe now is the time for democrats to put forth the “Charlie Kirk Gun Reform Act” just so Republicans will be on record voting it down.

"…and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel.”

The Flamin’ Hot I Can’t Believe it’s Not Jesus will be out just in time for Christmas.

I don’t know if you’re into bad girls, but I just figured out how to make my text font the maximum size. Still need readers though…but still. Hot right?

👇👇

The bad news is, I threw my back out sneezing too hard, but the good news is, I remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

If Cheryl Hines is looking for work, I hear ICE is hiring. Maybe she can take Dean Cain’s spot while he’s out on disability.

RFK Jr in this hearing:

If only someone could have foreseen the current colossal shitshow of putting a former heroine addict, anti-vaxxer with zero medical experience in charge of America’s health.

I cannot imagine my life being so devoid of meaning that I would find myself unhealthily invested in the Cracker Barrel logo.

They should invent a type of sleep where you wake up and feel rested

Watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off as a kid, I thought he was so cute and cool. Adult me thinks he was a directionless selfish loser and that Cameron was the pony to bet on.

How I spent my summer vacation…

I don’t know if you’re into bad girls, but I just dropped my phone and picked it up with my toes.