Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored https://theonion.com/bored-national-guard-goes-door-to-door-asking-if-chicagoans-have-any-order-they-need-restored/

The following is REAL footage from Portland, 2025. Viewer discretion is advised.

My gosh. After the US bombed multiple boats in the middle of the ocean, murdering people on grounds that they were allegedly "carrying drugs," the US Attorney General says "Just like we did with cartels, we're going to take the same approach, President Trump, with Antifa."

If you see this, post an image you saved because it makes you laugh.

Full Threaded Timeline Cleanse.

/4 I was trying to give a litigation update to the Board of Directors and three of them were wearing those big inflatable animal costumes. They kept squeaking against the leather chairs and I couldn't concentrate. Then the hippo sprung a leak and made this farting sound for five minutes.

Portland has elevated protesting to an art form.

Here’s video of the incident

"So, Democrats have three words for this: no fucking way. It's literally life or death. We will not let Republicans blow up our health care system." This is, hands down, the best comms work Chuck Schumer has done in YEARS. Surprisingly good.

Update from the war zone in Portland.

bingo

Yes, very weird. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Spot on.

This is Denni. She took an unexpected babysitting shift when she found a baby koala in her yard. She cheerfully delivered the joey to her human, who put them back in the tree to be reunited with their mom. 14/10 (FB: Steve Lamplough)

/3 The gulf is between people who see this as brutal and inhuman, and people who see the victims of this as inhuman. The gulf is between people who speak our opposition and people who think that makes us unpatriotic, unreliable, someone to be mocked with sombrero videos.

Trumpnomics: Get tariff money from US consumers on Chinese goods. Our farmers can’t sell their products because the Chinese refuse to pay our tariffs. China buys from farmers in Argentina instead. We send Argentina $20 billion. Then we pay our farmers to throw their crops away.

Feeling stressed? Here are some otters enchanted by a butterfly.

TIMELINE CLEANSE!

Repost every single ICE atrocity. Orange Shitler doesn’t want the truth to come out, ever. Also, every single person who comes in contact with ICE needs to talk to a lawyer and sue if possibe. Grind the entire system to a halt.

Republicans would rather shut down the government than help millions of Americans afford health care. This article tells some of their stories, and is a good reminder of what’s at stake.

No veteran should have their social security number leaked, let alone passed to a political opponent by the government.

When the President uses federal law enforcement for his personal revenge, it puts all of us in danger.

Jimmy Kimmel's Monologue now has 14.3 MILLION VIEWS on YouTube. It would be a shame for you to share it www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1tj...

ON THIS DAY: September 25th, 1987 (38 years ago) "The Princess Bride" was released in theaters.... I was technically 8 going on “already sarcastic AF”), when this masterpiece taught us everything we needed to know about love, swordplay, and rodents of unusual size.

Kimmel: "This show is not important. What is important is that we get to live in a country that allows us to have a show like this."

Hillary Clinton: "Good lord -- the things that have been said about me, the lies that have been propagated. If I had only known I could call up the FCC chair and say, 'Take this person off the air! Off with his head!' You have to laugh about it so you don't cry."

Kimmel: "Disney has asked me to read the following statement and I agreed to do it. 'To reactivate your Disney+ and Hulu account ... '"

The Caturday Exception

There's a word for what Trump and his allies are trying to do with this gerrymandering plan...

This may seem cute but if you do this too much the cyclists may become reliant on cars feeding them, disrupting the delicate roadway ecosystem

I wanted to get a video of this ghost crab but every time I got close to their hole they scuttled back in, so I tried getting clever with it. I made a little sandcastle and shoved my phone into it, hit record, and walked away. Crab was VERY suspicious of this addition to their environment.

“I’m shocked you would make that claim” 😕🤷🏻‍♂️ 🤦🏼‍♀️ Another one that hasn’t aged great. (Her condescending looks really seal the deal)

What's happening with Jimmy Kimmel is about politics and power.

After years of complaining about cancel culture, the current administration has taken it to a new and dangerous level by routinely threatening regulatory action against media companies unless they muzzle or fire reporters and commentators it doesn’t like.

Robert Redford playing a gentle incarnation of death, coming for a frightened old woman in The Twilight Zone episode "Nothing in the Dark" (1962). An extraordinary performance then, terribly bittersweet today

This is a stunningly pathological lawsuit even by Trumpian standards. It reads as if he was holding a gun to the head of the child of the lawyer drafting it.

wait, but I thought crime was totally out of control in cities?

Charlie Kirk called me a ‘lunatic’ and a ‘prostitute’ and demanded I be deported. Nothing, *nothing*, justifies killing him, or robbing his kids of their dad. We don’t know the identity or motive of the shooter but murder can *never* be the response to political disagreements.

We don’t yet know what motivated the person who shot and killed Charlie Kirk, but this kind of despicable violence has no place in our democracy. Michelle and I will be praying for Charlie’s family tonight, especially his wife Erika and their two young children.

𝑱𝒐𝒆𝒚 𝑷𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒚 "Hold The Line - Toto did a mixture of the original solo, Steve Lukather’s Live solo version and my own improvisation… hope you guys like it"