Im afraid I have to report a crime. After friends giving one of the guests took the ENTIRE spiral cut ham I was looking forward to having as leftovers this week. 😭😭😭

Ohana means- Hey! Get that out of your mouth! - family ☺️

When the light slaps yo tiddies this hard, it must be documented. How to get the look: 1. Target goodfellows brand tank top pulled down til the shadows give the illusion of bazongas. 2. Sunken under eye? Hide in hair. 3.Take ~23 photos til one manages to make the majority of sun damage invisible.

Happy birthday to me 🎵🎶 I just turned ***ty🎶🎶 Plus one.😱 When does this madness end?👴

Friendsgiving! As an introvert who does not like board games.... I am in hell. 🤣😪😑

Okay. I need something explained. WHY. Is it that when I type a word *correctly* I will have to fight autocorrect for five minutes to keep it from changing it to something else. Yet it allows me to make an absolute fool of myself not doing shit about the actual typos I make in EVERY. DAMN. post😤🤬

Bout to be a non-stop last minute scramble getting the house ready for friendsgiving, (where noone actually flaked on the invite(!!) so were panicking on whether we have enough) and of COURSE that means I couldn't sleep a wink last night. Wish this shambling corpse luck 😪

I may or may not have also had three more on the flight.🥴🍸✨️ And then bonded with my seat partner over his star trek phone case.🖖🌌 And then made out the whole way to the baggage claim.💋🔥 And then immediately got ghosted. 👻☠️😑 Ah well. Definitely the best flight I've ever been on in any case 🤣🤣

I may or may not have had like three margaritas waiting for my flight.

Still dying, and pretttty over it 😪

Home sick😩🤕🤒 Bored selfies inbound.

Whelp, gotta get out some time I guess. Its Bedtime gents, come along now😘

🧼🫧

☀️✨️

Im not bad, im just drawn that way

I was left unnatended. 🍑✨️

I went from WTF… to YAS, so quick!

roses are red big laughs are hearty

Inspiration—a mysterious entity that appears at 3 a.m. when you’re too tired to type, then vanishes the moment you open your laptop. #WritingCommunity #BookSky #WriteSky #AmWriting #Books

Hey sweet thang, This is your reminder that every living thing in the world slows down during these next months. You’re not lazy cuz you’re doing less. It’s okay that the early darkness makes you tired (it’s supposed to). Humans the only ones who keep fighting against the natural patterns of life.

Hungover, send help 😵🫧

The contacts are behaving today! Quick poll, mask or no mask?! And yes, Im bringing my own chalice 🤣

There was a cartoonist at the event, I live this lil version so much 🤣🤣

Dangit the contacts popped out my eyeballs lol. Plan B!

Something wicked this way comes

Phew, almost didn't do a set of push-ups this week. But huzzah, the will was found, and the twins are looking lively once more

When you don't feel drunk at all.... But also are seeing double 😵💫💫💫

America is being run by people whose social media presence would see them getting fired from a part time job stacking shelves. If you worked at Aldi and posted a video of you pouring shit all over Aldi customers, you wouldn't work at Aldi.

Trial run of the vampire costume im going to wear to our work party, red contacts and fangs are on the way!

Getting dirty or getting clean? 🧼🫧🫧

The way seeing this feels threatening now 🥲

Can science please work on something to prolong the pump you get right after a workout? These tiddies don't get enough mileage before theyre back to sad lil pancakes.😪

Pro tip: The Sunday scaries cant find you in bed.

🌙✨️

😴💤

Lighting was so goooood here 🤩

I dont often agree with Christians, but the idea that they're all going to get voluntarily yeeted into space resonates with me.

Could be my last lazy morning for a good stretch, so soaking it in while I can 😊

Long ass day cleaning the garage, and now that I can finally game... nothing sounds fun What do I doooooooo. The next game im excited to try doesn't come out for a whole month 😭

Redlight therapy day. Does it do anything? No idea. Chilling out under the glow is pretty nice tho ✨️✨️

Face reveal be like...

Finding the will to get out of bed has been hard when the world is falling apart around us. So until further notice, if you want me, you'll have to join me here ☺️

The reason why MAGA loves the second amendment and why they wanna “be prepared to fight the govt” is because the one time our country did do that was so they could keep killing and enslaving Black people.

Why is it STILL a million godamn degrees in here 😳 😭

Also had enough scraps for a trio of lil shotglass bouquets 😁

Went for a goth arrangement this time, which I am decidedly not very good at. But. Set next to my other more perky effort, I suddenly had Enid and Wednesday in th house 🤣💖🖤

The duality of cat. Gabby is either usually anelegant goddess. But other times: Circle.

Did another flower arrangement, and we can pick more from the farm tomorrow too! Join a coop, its worth itttt.

My 'Roman Empire' is constantly thinking about the incredibly dark history of Horizon Zero Dawn games and how it feels more realistic than ever in the current world.😪