Dear casting directors: if your film/TV show is set in post-war times, stop hiring actresses who are Botoxed up to the eyeballs, because it looks ridiculous

No, 2026 is not next year.

I have glue on my hands from fucking about with the bath panel, which means I can't do the job I need to do, which requires clean hands

The fucking bath panel doesn't fit properly because the floor is uneven and higher at one end. Have had to shave off half a centimetre to make it fit. Am now annoyed

This man is ageing like a fine wine

Lenny Kravitz, he's just like one of us 😭 Wait until he finds out about dark chocolate KitKats in the freezer

I have lost #Whamageddon. Damn you, Bulgaria (but actually I don't care because I'm free to enjoy it now, and I actually lost in August)

I hate tossers like this. The prices skyrocket and in my experience, it never ends well because it's just too fucking pretentious and people won't go in b/c everythings too expensive. You can only really get away with it in certain areas, but they forget that www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Matey there's got Neon Trees playing as his intro music. A lovely choice #TheSnooker

To the little kid who's lost their plastic tiger on my road: I've popped it in the hedge at pushchair eye-level so it feels safe and so you can see it

Am kinda warming to the Bulgarian Postbank Christmas advert. Took me a minute to work out what it was for because my Bulgarian is pretty poor. Anyway, being born in a toy lorry on a frozen gridlocked motorway is pretty much living the dream

Ahhh, the classic shampoo spray, which would ping off the tap if you weren't careful. Water everywhere

If anyone wants to play the Argos Catalogue Game with me (where you have to pick one item from the open pages, no matter how bad), I'm going for the Moonrise set, thank you

Red Rose Radio are playing 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' by Mel & Kim. Do you mind, Melvyn?!

I have already lost #Mariahgeddon and it's not even noon. Mariah, you fuckin' slag. Fuckin' do one 🖕

Laughing at how bad the Manc Uni student paper has become. To the news editor: this is a newspaper, not OnlyFans, there's no need for the ridiculous duckface, you dumb slut. Clearly a rich international student: clothes immaculate, expensive phone, terrible English. Sub-ed's probably killed themself

It's 1.30am in Bulgaria and the Christmas music videos have begun on their music TV channel (Paul McCartney, if you're wondering)

I'm sure I heard someone commenting on my Two-Tone '79 Tour teeshirt t'other night & wondering if it was a bootleg. To those peeps, I say: I got it from a chazza & was wondering the same thing. It's pretty niche, I've never seen it bootlegged PLUS it's fucked enough to be old enough to be original

Bob used to enjoy pantomime but it's behind him now

That Walton's Homecoming film on the iPlayer is awful. The clothes are wrong, the shoes are wrong (fake Timberlands which aren't even scuffed?? Come the fuck on) and they've completely forgotten about segregation

@floweroflondon.bsky.social The Waltons Homecoming on the iPlayer has a Neighbours alumnus in it!

Me, everyday for the next month

Sometimes I agonise over perfect seams on garments I make for myself. And then I look at expensive dresses like this with its shitty construction at the bottom and I'm not so hard on myself. What is this? Did they try and lengthen it and fuck it up? I can't stop looking at it

#StAndrewsDay Completely forgot that I made this playlist open.spotify.com/playlist/1GH...

Billy Idol's 70???

Today might be the day that the new bath panel goes on. I have fixed a lot of hidden fuckery, and I also discovered how and why I accidentally put my knee through the old one: a missing strut on the bath frame. Fixed that too. Sometimes I think that this place is held together with dreams & wishes

MIDLER1.BMF

I've hit the Obligatory AIDS Episode of Cagney & Lacey. I wonder if someone's made a list of OAIDSE?

Some absolute bullshit in the Manc Uni student paper, written by someone who's clearly never had to buy her own shoes. Converse don't stand the test of time! They last 6 months, get soggy at the mere thought of a puddle and will give you plantar fascitis (sp?)!

Still can't get over how much my cousin looks more like my grandma and grandad than his dad does. His brother caught all their mum's looks, but Cuz No. 1, fuckinell. Time has only cemented it. Talk about a face of familiarity! My mind is blown

@bird42.bsky.social Good plate, bad plate: the first is a charcuterie board found on Reddit, the 2nd is apparently the dinner at Mar-a-Lago. The pizzle-looking thing is a fingerling potato and not pizzle, or something I've been told

Why nobody's done a documentary about 1980s WFH types yet is a mystery to me. Home office, telephone, fax machine, filing cabinets, desk, blotter, overflowing ashtray. My dad got all his best jokes via the fax machine

Why the fuck is boxing on BBC2? Stupid fucking sport

Sponsored by Jerome Russell

Pre-Hartnell Doctors

in the emergency room for a snake bite and they rush in a camel to watch The Notebook

I think about this one a lot

I tell ya, I can't tolerate pints of cola like I used to. I feel rough today

1979: Smash Hits Volume 8, page 8 Full mag --> https://archive.org/stream/smash-hits-1979-03-22#page/n7

Going to ska gigs always makes me miss my cousin, who bloody loves it. Music for lads with undiagnosed ADHD. My cousin has the same hummingbird vibe that my grandma had 😂

Mouth like a sailor. I've still got it 💪

@profanity.accountant Please give me my numbers, thank you!

“Get out of my fucking seat.”

Banging moment from last night: 1) Pre-band, they started playing 'Ghosy Town' by The Specials and EVERYONE starting singing the 'wooOOo' bits. The Gen X equivalent of the time the Academy erupted when they played the Fresh Prince theme at an All Time Low gig intermission & the millennials went off

Pint of coke last night = worst sleep ever

Please accept these shit photos of Bad Manners with my compliments. Is that Chad Gilbert from NFG on guitar or just a bloody good lookalike? Is he moonlighting with Ver Manners?

Anyway, I drank a pint of coke, sorry, mystery cola tonight so I'll be probably be shitposting until dawn. Who serves a pint of coke as the default? lt was only £3.20 though

Of course, the place was peppered with wankers, so let's unload here at #CuntsCorner