I’m going to wear this and pretend I’ve never heard of X-Men

listen, not to be all wolf-in-a-tuxedo-whacking-his-own-head-with-a-mallet, but

(doing the bare minimum) you have no idea what i go through every day

watching this new CAPE FEAR. I’m such a simp for these Bernard Herrmann needle drops

all night my wife has been repeating, “Jalen Brunson is the Mandate of Heaven”

concubine such a weird word. it sound like a spiky cucumber

"a goofy movie": a humble title. why it's not even necessarily "the" goofy movie. we simply, respectfully offer you this story for your consideration "doug's 1st movie": the hubris of icarus. the unbridled audacity to imply that this is only the 1st chapter of the Doug Cinematic Universe. pathetic

“the only season launch I care about is the launch of lilac season” he lied, to no one

whoever came up with that digital typing effect on the screen in military and spy thrillers...that shit is so good

me after the zoom meeting has ended, no matter what it was about: jesus fucking christ, okay…

damn, Pope really spitting today

doing a university commencement speech, thinking I’m gonna talk about the glorious future of AI, I think they’re gonna eat it up

judges on TV don’t like it when their courtrooms become circuses but me? I’m all about it

happy Mother’s Day to my mom who thought she was wearing socks with “red and black peace signs” on them

for Mother’s Day I’m making my mom come see my play

these days whenever I ask my five year old to do something he repeats “no” to the tune of “Look Down” from Les Mis it’s possible we’re related

only one man tried to best me, H.R. Pickens, he did not succeed

Star Wars

the worst Eveelution is Raytheon

what if I ate garlic bread and didn't stop

teleport me to god’s country

he who goes beast mode gets rid of the pain of not going beast mode

Gosford Park (2001) Gosford World (2015) Gosford World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

thank god it’s Pitt day

okay I’m interested

parenting mood: eating a fistful of mini eggs when no one is looking

Everybody's asking

Dr.Robby: you think the glue from the wedding envelopes caused this?

reading Howard’s End

like the bags of old mcdonalds toys they sell at value village, I too contain multitudes

“doing great!” I say, walking around fwapping ham slices onto flat surfaces

well, I watched Picnic at Hanging Rock right before bed. pretty cool how this will not give me weird, unsettling dreams

I write in a coffee shop with mediocre food, and decor that remains unchanged since 1996. for whatever reason, this is my creative happy place

hatching a plan to see Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie as many times as I can while still in theatres

Great read. Great movie.

[putting my son to bed] Him: Daddy, what if you pulled all the needles off of a cactus? Me: uh Him: [snoring]

Sharing “genderless burger experience” here for those who haven’t seen it

what do you mean, Nite Sprite? does this mean I’ve been drinking day Sprite this whole time?? Folks,

starting to get ready for the Oscars party. themed dish ideas include: -One Bottle After Another (Modelos) -Dinners (?) -Minestrone Souperman -Aunt Gladys’ Weaponzu Sauce -Avatar: Fire & Hashbrowns -Honeybaked Hamnet -Franks-in-Stein (hot dogs in beer mug)

Sentimental Value getting Chris Ware cover art is so cool

embarrassing how much I needed this

son is magic school bus pilled. won’t stop telling me about the exploits of “the frizz”

Let’s be honest: in many of these winter Olympic “sports”, the snow is doing most of the work. An unexpected thaw would expose these so-called athletes for the frauds they are

I have given so much money in application fees to the same playwrights lab that always rejects me and yet I keep doing it. am I in a findom situation

What's wrong with this guy

not seeing any nominations for Varang. they must giving her a special award on the night

the purpose of a first draft is to exist the purpose of a first draft is to exist the purpose of a first draft is to exist

watching The Rip on Netflix. Matt Damon just said, "you think I want to jack this rip?"

let me think* about it for a while *eat shredded cheese from the bag