Head scritches, please.

You don’t have to be worried that things will be out at the grocery store when these are the things you are bringing to Thanksgiving dinner. (I love my family but I need rescuing.)

Ope, the doorbell just rang. I think it might be ✨ depression ✨

Happy “the kids are sick so the holidays are canceled” to everyone who celebrates.

When you see this skeet a pic from your gallery to describe your mental health

Pro tip: when teaching your kids to do laundry, make sure they know to replace the lint trap, or else your dryer will eat all the socks.

a late November holiday is a bad idea, actually, this is all just a bizarrely delayed harvest festival and you’re supposed to finish those by October

Congrats to those of you with Jahmyr Gibbs on your fantasy team this week (oh hey, it’s me).

Tattoo regret? Never met 'er.

Working late, glass of wine, listening to Dungeon Crawler Carl. These books are absolutely unhinged and yet I'd probably die for Carl and Princess Donut.

My potentially biggest craft show of the year is tomorrow.

Couldn’t make it through all of the coloring but I am THRILLED so far!! We’ll finish it in three weeks!

Zohran flip your hair again we need healthcare get him to give us healthcare.

It's finally tattoo day! I've been thinking about why I want a tattoo and I think it's partly that I want to stop being so precious about my body and my things and do what I actually want, and partly to stop trying to impress the girl I was when I was younger. I'm not her anymore.

Choir, let me share a thought with you. If justice for child rapists disrupts society, then society needed to be disrupted. Oh, he's a job creator? Oh, the economy will suffer? Oh, the uncertainty? Oh, our whole political system? If it's built on raping children, burn it all the fuck down. Amen.

Everyone is just tired all the time, right? I can’t remember a time I felt well rested or met a well-rested person.

Thinking about her* *that grocery store in CA that sold celery by the stalk

Has anyone actually confirmed it is Monday? Because it's clearly cannot be Monday yet.

I never, ever, ever, EVER want to hear anything about women sleeping their way to the top again.

Having one of those days where I question if anyone out there just...genuinely likes me? It's not a good feeling.

Look at this baby.

Are you a parent if a kid hasn’t split your lip or broken your nose with an enthusiastic hug? Ouch.

I bought small handmade salt and pepper shakers years ago amd even though they are cute, I was constantly refilling them. So I bought some bigger ones on eBay for like $6 and they hold so much more! Yay!

All I want to do is wrap myself in a blanket like a burrito and listen to my audiobook and drink coffee while the rain hits the roof.

I bought groceries and now I have to put them away? In this economy?

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Pupdate! Gus has been at home a week. He’s still medicated and pretty chill, but he’s slowly coming back to his happy, snuggly self. He still yelps a bit if he turns the wrong way, but overall he’s healing up pretty well. I’m so so thankful he’s still here with us. 🥹

If nighttime, why awake?

“I want you to understand what it is like to live in Chicago during this time.” aphyr.com/posts/397-i-...

Me 🤝 Lewis Hamilton “I’m gonna crash out”

This is stomach-turning but we have to know what is happening.

Biblically accurate tree.

Is there seriously not a single person in that homegoods White House that knows what kerning is?

DOG ACQUIRED. I AM SO HAPPY.

Ah, off-cycle election night. Time to start obsessively following the returns for a faraway candidate I just learned about an hour ago.

I’m not normally like “yay insurance companies!” but Trupanion legit saved our dog’s life and I’m truly thankful.

WE GET TO PICK UP GUS!!!!

“Dropping off your ballot is an important part of voting!” —Me, as I remembered to actually drop off my ballot

Let's clear Amy's list!!

Can someone with a Time Machine go back and tell Last Week Cori that her mug heat press is broken and to not use it so she doesn’t ruin a bunch of mugs? Thanks.

Trying to catch up after traveling/being sick/my dog almost dying/my family being sick. I truly don't even know where to begin. The list is endless, it's all urgent, I still don't feel well, and my dog isn't home yet.

This is how I found out that Dick Cheney was still alive until very recently.

Just throwing it out there for the Dem establishment…people outside NYC want folks like Mamdami too.

Going to pick up our first grocery order in like three weeks. We've basically been surviving on random freezer stuff and condiments.

Visited Gus today at the Canadian ER vet. The vet still wants to monitor him so we spent about 30 minutes snuggling him and giving him treats. So hard to leave him 😭 but hopefully he’ll be home in a day or two.

My rage is unending.

Business idea: Last night I dreamed I had a hoodie with a plastic lined kangaroo pocket on the front, and I was eating oatmeal out of the pocket with a spoon. You’re welcome.

I feel like I really missed out on an opportunity to call all of my Gus updates “pupdates” and I’m a little sad about it.

Laziest costumes ever? Yes. Do my boys freaking love them? Also yes. I love when I can parent the least but still do the most.

I remodeled the Lincoln bathroom 🤝 Let them eat cake