This is who you’re asking to go out on a weekday night.

Today is a very sad day for me. And I’m so grateful for the friends in my life who have taken a lil time to accompany me and make me smile or listen to me cry. Cherish the people who are special to you, because we are only with them a little while.

entering the alice dark times season

I am a machine that turns WINTER GLOVES into I CANT FIND MY WINTER GLOVES

Thanksgiving dinner you are inside me

Chinatown, or as I call it, town

Been delaying any gratification for YEARS in my personal life. I am like a Gooner of LIFE.

GUESS WHAT TODAY IS

I bought the blu ray of Looking for the Full Moon and I’m so glad I did, some top notch shoujo so far

everyone needs to grow the fuck up and start playing pretend with toys

A family friend was telling us about what her husband shared about his experience in Broadview before he was deported back to Mexico. She's been sharing to friends and family because she's just in disbelief & horror what her husband told her. She wasn't able to talk to him until he was in Mexico.

Famous novelist, Dingus Favstar Alice

Good morning. Happy Alice’s period to all who celebrate

Happy Halloweenie to all you weenies! But not the ones with weenies!

Bloofsky

This is a Kelly appreciation post. You always brighten my day!! 😭🐈🫶

Are you all right? You look like that flash card they told me means sadness.

FINISHED MY EVIL CLASS!!! IM FREE!!!

I’m not sure what to tell you all Taylor swifts lyrics have always been this bad

中秋佳节快乐！但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。Happy Mid-Autumn Festival. May your life be as full and beautiful as that round, caked up baddie in the sky. Love, Alice Mooncake 🥮

Hi stimmy

Happy Mooncake Season, Motherf*****s. I am Alice Mooncake now

hey i dont mean to be a bummer but i cant believe another week is starting i have almost no time to do the things i love in life and its making me truly sad like kinda full of despair lol

sex is great, but have you ever tried the physical stimulation of the gen--oh wait that's just sex

the most normal person i've ever met in my entire life: I can't even tell when I'm being sarcastic anymore. Sarcasm's like a second language to me.

Woke up feeling really sad like pre sexy Lexi Alice sad, I’m hoping that when I finish my homework I’ll see life is okay again lol

Hey! There is a .01% chance that the detection spell is wrong!

Tylenol are autism consumables (+10% autism for 3 minutes)

*pats his back* Are you a Tylenol gel capsule, because that was a rapid release

Every time it’s rapture day they’re like “ope, no, we gotta push it back.” It’s like Real ID.

HEARTBREAKING: local woman out of small tasks to do before starting homework

There’s this moot on Twitter who keeps QTing those posts that are like “when he slaps his dingaling on you” with like “MHMMM NEED THAT”

Good morning!!! Happy 3²/4²/5²!!!!!

Rewatching BETTER DAYS - WIM WENDERS (1995) and tearing up at every single thing that happens

“Squirt is pee squirt is this squirt is that” squirt is a refreshing lemon lime soda

I’m so starved for connection rn tbh

Too much theory of mind, not enough theory of BUTT

Happy Subtember to all my fellow subby bottom losers. This is our time to sparkle

Happy September! I need help planning my 3^2, 4^2, 5^2 party (9/16/25)

Halloween people, I’m gonna let u enjoy things after u let me say one time, ur all a little annoying about it 🫶

I don’t weigh in on swifty stuff much, but I’ve never gotten gaylor she is one of the more clearly straight people I’ve ever seen

Happy (American) Labor Day. Solidarity with all workers of the world! ✊

Whenever I retweet a dumb post like a cartoon bunny and it says like “brown hair girls are the best” or something I’ll get a random like from someone I had no idea even still followed me.