I’M GONNA BE ON JEOPARDY 🥳

one of the vendors who comes to my workplace said that I reminded him of Alysa Liu and ngl gonna be riding that high all day, maybe the rest of the month

been a while since my last update I graduated with a BA in English and got a job at a car dealership. still making my way through the process of getting onto my favorite game show. yes I am still in love with

update: we are in love 🌸

if the exercise scientist™️ only does two sets of bulgarians then i am only doing two sets fr

yo i came down with a fever while i was cuddling on the couch with the boyfriend and i shit you not he helped me up the stairs, tucked me into bed, and left a whole box of capri suns on my table am i in love??

Elon Musk is the worst thing to happen to autistic people since the invention of microfiber

nice

snl should do the nation a favor and scrap Chappelle and have Timothée Chalamet host two times in a row have Timmy perform one week as Bob Dylan and the next week entirely as $mokedcheddathaassgetta

yo in the past week or so i stepped in wet dog shit after my date ignored the puppy for too long and she got mad then he rear ended me getting onto the freeway after leaving trivia night he is my boyfriend now

my friends, you haven't lived until you date someone you can exchange ✨spicy poetry✨ with my creative energy and libido have never been higher

i resolve only to be more ridiculous and unhinged this year. nobody will be able to stand me. 😎

new year's eve is for eating as many pizza rolls and as much french onion dip as possible it's my night to shine

it's christmas and i'm spending the rest of it on my couch with my cat and all the movies quiet christmas is underrated

you either die a wine aunt or live long enough to become the weed aunt

getting visited by three ghosts but they're all just telling me how to Post better??

all i want for christmas is a job that pays well that i don't hate and i hope santa and baby jesus can put aside their differences to make this christmas miracle happen amen

yeah so that first date had me worrying i would feel too much like his mother but the second date had me thinking "...daddy?" o holy fuck merry frickin christmas to me

ok my final grades are in i'm graduating summa cum laude 😎 take that, nerds wait, i mean

today i went to ikea and got a proper bookcase for my book piles and proper shelving for my vinyl piles and now i feel like a true and proper adult god blesss

if your apparel isn’t gay you can get the fuck outta my life

i don't love acrylic nails, spandex or leopard print enough to be a cougar 😭😭

i mean i was literally learning html to code neopets pages for the LOTR film fandom when he was thrust forth into the material realm. am i in my cougar era???

literally knocking at the door of 35 and i just had a date with a freshly 23 y/o and he was so unfazed?? we're going on another date???

idk but ever since october, every time i try to go on a date, i get sick or injured the night before?? what is the universe tryin to say??

no matter what happens i must remember that i am both hot and silly and no one can take that from me

well i finished my last exam so that means i finally got my bachelor's degree at the sprightly age of 34

the worst thing about leaving your number is the anxiety of waiting for a goddamn response holy fUCK

this crush i got right now has got me wanting to rip my hair out and run headlong into oncoming traffic dear gods above lemme touch this man 😭😭

tiny toons in the 90s: "i'm buster bunny. and i'm babs bunny. no relation." new tiny toons: "i can't do anything without my TWIN SIBLING" we need to stop rebooting 90s cartoons.

i told my mom and dad it was not a phase

just thinking about the time i showed up 15 minutes late to an ADHD screening appointment

indie sleaze is back? it's time to reclaim the slur h*pster

first snow of the season and it's melting already. happy thursday.

i like the word "assassinate" because you get to write the word "ass" twice in a row

i saw the woebegone banshees open for car seat headrest once

gonna kickstart a tv tropes themed dating app where i can find the "deadpan snarker" to my "cloudcookoolander"

I can't believe it's not maybelline

"my skeet got rly popular on bsky" how am i suppose to explain that to my FAMILY?!

when you're crushin' on a tennis pro and now the thought of tennis makes you horny

for all we know we got one go-around on this big blue marble and i'm gonna spend it telling people to live life to the fullest from the comfort of my couch

IT HAPPENED AGAIN GODDAMNIT 💀💀

jumpscare: you're sitting on the toilet scrolling facebook and your crush pops up in the "People You May Know" section

The shitposting will continue until engagement improves

good morning nerds 😎

all i want for christmas is that snacktime kids cabbage patch kid doll that eats hair and fingers

plans for 2025: boycott everything except warm blankets and getting out of bed