Guys. I am absolutely ashamed at how hard I laughed at this. I’ll see myself out.

Tried to order my new favorite cola from New Mexico and the shipping is $29. So I no longer have a favorite cola.

Yall literally on fire right now...

My daughter said the sky looks like we’re being filmed in Mexico.

If you’re wondering why the sky looks like this in the northeast and mid-Atlantic, it’s the smoke haze from Canadian wildfires.

The people continue to log into Teams meetings 5 minutes early. WTH?!?!

wanted a salad? get chicken fingers and fries instead. follow me for more health tips? 🥲

Left T-Sprint for Xfinity. That random increase via text was wild.

This app just drop me off any old where.

We were in rare form this season! Let’s do it again next year but without the full moon in cancer and retrograde.

Saw this. Hope this helps a bit.

I’ll never forgive @bacongawd.blacksky.app for saying Amel Larrieux’s “Afraid” was like two minutes too long. The unmitigated gall.

I can’t remember what I ate for dinner last night, but I know every lyric and ad lib to Zhané’s entire debut album that dropped in ‘94.

Did y’all know Meg has a fragrance?

Did y’all know they’re selling B&BW in the Ulta?

I handed in my resignation back in February after accepting a promotion I should’ve declined. I was promised my former role (that I was still doing btw). It’s been chill since I transitioned back. And I got to keep my increase. Still took off today though. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Supposed to be at work. But that was bad vibes sooo i used my free will said decided NOT today 🥰🥳🥳🫶🏽

Like I saw Hov perform for the first time in 98. My heart is full. I was really outside fr.

I’m a Blueprint bitch myself but I was outside for all of them.

Also, my husband said I need to get off my phone and write so I guess I need to get off my phone and write.

When I had decided to stay home today and dilly dally, I forgot that the lawn people are here on Mondays, so now I actually do need to leave my house because they’re loud as fuck.

My random Sam Neil story. An actor friend of mine was cast in a small role on Peaky Blinders. Never receives his script pages. Discovers his role has been pushed to non speaking background, which is less fun/less money. Sam Neil spots him looking dejected on set and finds out.

Ijust want to be alone with you And there's nothing else I'd rather do I just want the chance l had again Just us two 'til the end Girl, don't leave me, don't leave me Girl, don't leave me, don't leave me

If I show up like this just know I’ve made every terrible decision imaginable.

Jeezy called out from work to go to the Jay Z show. Usher showed up on his day off. Pusha T left the house. Rihanna left her family at home. Beyoncé.

I need a dilly dally day. Might make this a dilly dally day, fr.

I’m genuinely happy for everyone who experienced a once in a lifetime show. Everyone should experience at least one once in a lifetime show.

Suddenly, I’m hit.

And the fact that the sun is out after 11 straight days of doom and gloom.

So anyway, I’m watching this man trying to multitask pancakes with a toddler running loose. Wildly entertaining stuff.

Bee Movie was a documentary, guys. Black & yellow, HELLO!!

I was looking for something else and found this gem in my phone. Summer 2024 was nuts.

I’ve seen him perform 6x in three states since 98. FOMO, still.

Y’all DatBaby is on the way and I am neither awake nor hydrated nor caffeinated.

Beyoncé released Morning Dew because she’s crushing on her husband. That was a single to him and we’re just reaping the benefits. (And if you can’t understand that, your whole perspective is wack. 🙌🏾)

Him: Hov really did cut his hair for NY. You called it. Me:

Up listening to Tank’s “Yes” on repeat because if you’re gonna flip a song, that’s the fuck how you do it. My God! 🔥

I’m only late to work when I’m home and even when I’m on time, I’m not there. Happy Friday.

I am woefully undersnacked.

might wear my whorish camo skirt to my family cookout to remind niggas that i serve in this country

I tell this story every year but I was probably 11 or 12 before I realized today was a national holiday and not just my dad’s birthday. Imagine thinking the whole country celebrated him. 🥹

Y’all be sure to throw a lil something on the grill for my dad who would’ve been 79 today. 🎇 If you’re the crab 🦀 eating kind eat the “mustard” in honor of him.

It’s absolute swamp ass on the east coast. Y’all really been living like this?

I usually fly on my bday week which means I’m usually returning near July 4th. This is the FIRST time they’ve ever had more TSA agents at the gate.

Girls, if you don't take nothing else from this old bitch, heed this: Marry/partner with a man that likes you. Not just the idea of you. LIKES you. Who's down for your side quests & shenanigans. Do yourself that favor.

Guys, you can buy THC gummies and drinks at the spa. Why would I leave this place? (I blew the budget and unfortunately will need to return to a life of crime. I mean work.)

I thought Harvey already went to the big fire down yonder.

It’s amazing how much you can accomplish on a trip when you don’t have to consult with other people. 👀

The caption is wild.