Guy who is the most stressed and anxious he has ever felt in his life, typing out “Spam in the back of my dragula” and hitting post

Grogu missing after his private airplane disappeared over the Caucasus Mountains at 7:45 AM EST today. Authorities are currently investigating.

your job is to pick the worst actor to play James Bond

Take me to the river Fuck me with an auger

“She thingamabob on my doohick-“ ZAP “She Leo on my Tolst-“ ZAP “She Brown on my Board-“ ZAP (Whimpering) “She…Gillespie on my…Salt Peanuts til…….I Dizzy…?” A crackle in the guard’s ear. He holds a finger to the earpiece, nods, and sets the cattle prod against the wall. “You’re free to go,” he says

Counterpoint: The future is looking pretty Chinese tbh

These armour studies have been great for getting me out of a creative funk! All done on Procreate @procreate on the iPad Pro

Sigourney Weaver over Grogu: “Geen poppenspelers”

Don’t forget to have your blood changed every 40,000 miles

Honestly, swag

batboy caught flipping a grunt

Diluting my cum with piss, which is what the government would do

King Mayonnaise has ordered my death for unspecified reasons

Busting inside raw feels exactly like when a Garry’s Mod asset collides and ragdolls all over the place

I am a man who’s made of meat And you’re on the internet Lookin at feet

Got ya

Christmas Island yeah fucking right dude is that where Santa clause lives? Shut it all down grow thefuck up idiota

It’s diarrhea o’clock somewhere

Who vyving tonight? Who gettin speedy on that vanse? Sound off homie I’m lisdexamfetamized as hell

Snake Pisschan or whatever, that guy from Escape from New York played by Goldie Hahn’s husband

If the titties don’t do the Newton’s Cradle thing, I don’t want any, no sir no how

Don Draper smoking salvia and having a religious vision of the Quizno’s hamsters

(Ad Executive voice) it’s a decent ad, sure, but I want an ad that would have me fully chubbed up and wanting to fuck that tub of Breyer’s frozen dairy dessert.

Bracing myself for when “It’s fine and good for you to eat rat shit” becomes a rallying cry of conservatives still mad about masking recommendations during covid.

A swarm of locusts just flew out of my ass. Insurance won’t cover it

Growing a beard just to shave it all off in a fit of existential despair

Honkus Tonkus B’donkadonkus

The piss tank of my heart is 95% full for you

surprisingly large boobs

Yeah, I got Hantavirus… I hanta ‘nother beer !!

Literally translated, his name is Homer Son of Simp

Private Ostrich-Knee

Need to see a Venn diagram of the people surveyed cuz I think the circles would be hella overlapping

me and who

Faking an assassination attempt to expedite your useless vanity project is honestly pretty funny. Using an actual assassination attempt to expedite your useless vanity project is even funnier. Next time, he’s gonna claim all the bathroom fixtures need to be gold plated for security reasons or smth

Sometime around 2004, I was searching for pornography on the Internet and found a video of a guy who wrapped his boner in aluminum foil, crinkled the end into a point, and stuck it in an electrical outlet. He did it multiple times too. Sparks flew. Can’t believe that guy is now a sitting senator.

Scrub a dub dub, Bitch! <——— my new catchphrase

Immediately after, Rudy turned into a pillar of black flame and every window of the hospital shattered with the howls of ten thousand souls suddenly free to ascend to heaven

Attention Deficit Eggs

“My dad works for Nintendo” type shit

Gravelord Nito slaying in this number on the red carpet at the Met Gala

The only blood left in my body after getting drained by a vampire would be in my boner

Wile E. Coyote breaking his penis on a glory hole that's only painted on the wall

Fantasy league roster is totally fucked. Thanks a lot man

May the Fourth to the polls

my spaceship a piece of spaceshit but I still pull intergalactic loin

Steve Harvey yelling “What in the hell” asmr 6 hour loop [NO ADS]

Honey, the shrieking meat puppet is in the backyard again. Yeah, I’ll get the broom

I deeply respect the spider living in the corner of my bathroom so it is necessary to ask “cool if I crank off?” before doing so within. If he says no, I respect it but he’s been chill thus far