After 250 years, how much longer do Americans think the country has? Jordan Klepper investigates

Jordan Klepper asks: Which of these insurrectionists deserve some cash for their troubles?

The only influencers that are dope are the one who make fun of influencers. That shit is funny asl.

Alright, let’s see what the Obsession hype is about

I can’t wait to retire. I think about it everyday. It’s really my only goal in life.

Throughout my life I’ve had people who have told me to “grow up”-not always in those specific words. I’ve realized all that could possibly mean is do exactly what i’ve been doing(?) graduate hs, earn bachelors, my masters, career, get married, buy my house, etc, but just be a boring as fuck person.

@natelech.bsky.social WHAT IS GOING ON

@natelech.bsky.social are we good at baseball again?

One thing about me, imma hit the “Notifiy Anyway” button when it is an option in our text chain. Idc. Fuck your “do not disturb”. This shit means something to me. That’s why I sent it. Don’t care if it’s 3am, you’re gonna get this ding motherfucker. BELIEVE. DAT.

Guys, @katiefranco.bsky.social just saw her first grasshopper!! Omggg🤩

Victory has a thousand fathers, and defeat is an orphan. Interesting how that works..

✈️ 💫 🎁 Happy Jetsmas ✈️ 💫 🎁 @abbyfos.bsky.social 🏒 @alfranc10.bsky.social 🏒 @drewedstrom.bsky.social 🏒

“I can’t make a deal with the devil because my dick’s bigger” - Taylor Swift (circa 2025)

You had to be there

Already loathing the dumbass fucking posts and conversations around the halftime performance when Bad Bunny does his music in his native language. The discussion around halftime shows is already so fucking stupid and braindead, but it was be even worse in Trump’s America.

Not ONE of you corkholes are staying in your lane

BREAKING: Donald Trump’s mom took Tylenol when she was pregnant with him

Wait, I’m sexy now??

Jealous she didn’t think of it💁🏻‍♀️

“I never thought I’d say this, but we have ice cream at home” - meet to Melissa at age 30. I’m officially old.

Overall experience: 7.5/10. Would go again. But not anytime soon.

Unimpressed with the checkout. The in-line checkout that’s supposed to “speed things up” didn’t work (classic af) as planned, and it literally took longer than a regular checkout. The fuck you doing.

You couldn’t pay me enough to be a sample supplier at the end of the aisle. I literally wouldn’t say a word for 8 hours. Wouldn’t attempt to convince a single soul to try anything. Idgaf. Also, show me the same respect. I don’t need the pitch. We see you standing there. I just don’t want any

One of the most expensive snacks around are nuts. If you are buying your nuts ANYWHERE but Costco, you’re a nut

I really thought ppl’s cart would be more stacked. Like walking up to the checkout with 2 carts stacked like the peak of Mt. Everest, but sadly is basically been whatever you would see at your local grocery store or less😔

Straight up though, some of this shit isn’t the deal you think it is. You gotta know the market outside of Costco to know which is which. That might be how they get you.

I got ranch

A 72-pack of Eggo’s for 10.99???? HIGHWAY ROBBERY

these fuckers just smashing body parts together for profit wtf

The produce refrigerator is fucking FREEZING. Bring layers my friends

The prices are RIGHT up in this bitch

Opening thoughts: *Wayyyyyy too many ppl. *Multiple kid crying off the rip, this doesn’t feel like a short trip destination, why would you bring your kids (unless you trulyyyyy had to) *The hot dogs are no joke. Juicy asl. V delicious. Completely stood up to the reputation. Pizza bomb as well.

See y’all in 4 days

Wish me luck

We don’t live like this in the Yoop

On my first Costco run ever

i’d take a slowly buffering youtube over ads any day

What the fuck did Charlie think was gonna happen eventually? Aren’t they the FA&FO party?

Cause if you mess with Curt, you go in the grinder

I had seggs once

It’s a RedZone kinda day motherfuckers

FOOTBALL IS BACK

mood

Who know what I be on? That's what I be on She know what I be on Who know what I be on? That's what I be on, Baby, move along I keep movin' on, I keep movin' on We keep makin' up, I keep movin' on We keep makin' up, I keep movin' on We keep makin' up, I can't make it up, Somebody wake me up.

She brought me up, when you let me down

off work today and Monday and I’m sad that I’m missing out on so many opportunities to increase shareholder value