I’ve got a bomb 4th of July playlist 🇺🇸 HMU if you want the link need to have Apple Music

Cannot recommend paternity leave during world cup enough

There are only certain peanut butters that are the level of quality that i will take the time to stir that oil through it Costco peanut butter IS that shit 💯 🥜 🔥

Collab of the decade

🎶 Why go pass when you can go 2 Why go 2 when you can go 3 Why go 3 when you can go 4 🎶

Jarvis, cancel my Saturday plans

A boxer who’s about to retire and was in a union his whole career: “I’ve got a pension for violence”

Not a drill!!! youtu.be/teLPvYqg3U0?...

How do i get up when i’m stuck on the floor

This whole protein pop-tart controversy just made me think pop-tart would make a hilariously antagonizing diss “What are you gonna do about it pop-tart??” in the right setting would be a riot

IT WAS TRUMP!!!!!! #Knicks

I'm ready to blast, ready to surpass and harass I'm ready to flip, yeah, I'm ready to dip with all the cash

Throughout my life I’ve had people who have told me to “grow up”-not always in those specific words. I’ve realized all that could possibly mean is do exactly what i’ve been doing(?) graduate hs, earn bachelors, my masters, career, get married, buy my house, etc, but just be a boring as fuck person.

I actually don’t like and don’t think it should be acceptable to talk and do other things during the couple’s first dance at a wedding. I think there should be a lot more reverence for that moment

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer is a pretty terrible message tbh

dude sitting next to me on the red line this morning typing out a long-ass text talking about "theorizing the revolution before we're old hippies" - brother you have 1,282 unread messages why don't you theorize clearing those notifications one time

Baby’s first costco

Who the fuck chooses Scottsdale

Common ELCA W. #proudlutheran www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8pqMd3y/

What the drilly with that though? It ain't bangin' bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’

“To turn one’s eyes away from Jesus means to turn them to the law” -Luther

Some henny, some swishers, & some listerine strips

Real ones know how fucking good these wafers are. Grandmas everywhere are actually cooking

Make it easy, make it plain Make it simple, make it rain Lift me up and out again Like you did back when I was ten World was smaller, but you knew it then Play it again

Sorry to the losers and haters but I stay winning, not everyone can be selected for a triple cash back offer with the Venmo Credit Card like me

My friend @big-billy-style.bsky.social is starting a CD collection, which is cool and has me inspired. But i don’t wanna copy him, so I’m starting my own *CD-ROM* collection. Looking for leads on Windows98 discs, Putt-Putt Enters the Race, & Encarta ‘95 lmk

gf df dtf

Just got back from my 1st skate since covid. Stat sheet: •0 goals •+/- abysmal (although the teams we unbalanced af) •1 assist 😈 •1 blocked shot (accident, got hit) •& left 15 minutes early b/c i had no legs 🦵or lungs 🫁 All in a days work 😎

. @katiefranco.bsky.social : you’ll have to tell me if the turkey is hot. Apparently if it’s hot it kills the listeria Me: I love that song by Phoenix— Listeria

😂 @big-billy-style.bsky.social #happybirthday

I-i-i used to feel so devastated At times I thought i’d never make it Now we on our way to greatness And all that ever took was patience

Do you have anything that says “Dad likes leather”

Okay nowwwwwww

iykyk

Gwendolyn Bartley put on a grand party

To be known is to be loved @drewedstrom.bsky.social

Sometimes after ripping 2 services, you gotta come home and crack a few cold ones

Never had it but i just saw some footy of Wendy’s breakfast?? shit looks FIRE

NEW SNAIL MAIL ALBUM

Don't call him secret pockets for nothing

Somebody said millennials usually use their laptops (instead of smartphones) for major purchases, including booking flights. I can’t stop thinking about this.

Anyone else listen to “the story so far?” Just getting into them

At 33, nothing seems more absolutely insane to me than marrying someone you dated in college lol

Everybody make some noise for my coworker Nancy

Hear me out

Wife’s pregnant, but I’M the one with the cravings. Been having the biggest craving to re-watch Waiting for Guffman. @colbymecher.bsky.social load it up when @katiefranco.bsky.social & I are in town in april??