Baby’s first costco

Who the fuck chooses Scottsdale

Common ELCA W. #proudlutheran www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8pqMd3y/

What the drilly with that though? It ain't bangin' bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ bangin’

“To turn one’s eyes away from Jesus means to turn them to the law” -Luther

Some henny, some swishers, & some listerine strips

Real ones know how fucking good these wafers are. Grandmas everywhere are actually cooking

Make it easy, make it plain Make it simple, make it rain Lift me up and out again Like you did back when I was ten World was smaller, but you knew it then Play it again

Sorry to the losers and haters but I stay winning, not everyone can be selected for a triple cash back offer with the Venmo Credit Card like me

My friend @big-billy-style.bsky.social is starting a CD collection, which is cool and has me inspired. But i don’t wanna copy him, so I’m starting my own *CD-ROM* collection. Looking for leads on Windows98 discs, Putt-Putt Enters the Race, & Encarta ‘95 lmk

gf df dtf

Just got back from my 1st skate since covid. Stat sheet: •0 goals •+/- abysmal (although the teams we unbalanced af) •1 assist 😈 •1 blocked shot (accident, got hit) •& left 15 minutes early b/c i had no legs 🦵or lungs 🫁 All in a days work 😎

. @katiefranco.bsky.social : you’ll have to tell me if the turkey is hot. Apparently if it’s hot it kills the listeria Me: I love that song by Phoenix— Listeria

😂 @big-billy-style.bsky.social #happybirthday

I-i-i used to feel so devastated At times I thought i’d never make it Now we on our way to greatness And all that ever took was patience

Do you have anything that says “Dad likes leather”

Okay nowwwwwww

iykyk

Gwendolyn Bartley put on a grand party

To be known is to be loved @drewedstrom.bsky.social

Sometimes after ripping 2 services, you gotta come home and crack a few cold ones

Never had it but i just saw some footy of Wendy’s breakfast?? shit looks FIRE

NEW SNAIL MAIL ALBUM

Don't call him secret pockets for nothing

Somebody said millennials usually use their laptops (instead of smartphones) for major purchases, including booking flights. I can’t stop thinking about this.

Anyone else listen to “the story so far?” Just getting into them

At 33, nothing seems more absolutely insane to me than marrying someone you dated in college lol

Everybody make some noise for my coworker Nancy

Hear me out

Wife’s pregnant, but I’M the one with the cravings. Been having the biggest craving to re-watch Waiting for Guffman. @colbymecher.bsky.social load it up when @katiefranco.bsky.social & I are in town in april??

😂😂😂😂

And the thing about me is imma make my $50 and I’ll let you know too LMFAO

You ever put the seat back to sleep in the car You ever live with somebody, while they eat and you starve You ever look in the mirror and just hate who you are And just to say it makes you relive it and think of the scars

I bet the guy who first said “nice blinker” when the car in front of him didn’t signal was cool as shit

Business woman in her 30s, work attire, blazer, conventionally attractive, driving a RAV4 next to me on the highway on her morning commute picking her nose AND EATING IT in the car. Completely un-tinted windows. Wicked work

Guy who has only played one video game: "I'm getting a lot of 'Putt Putt Saves the Zoo' vibes from this"

Hey

Lost my therapist and that sucks she was awesome

Been a while since I've written anything classical, and even longer since I posted about it. here's a preview of something I've been noodling with for the past week

“Whoopty-friggin-doo” gotta be one of the corniest phrases of all time

We know a place where no cars go

Just collected my 500th moon on Mario Odyssey, sorry to the haters that my life is that much better than yours

Vibes today

When you give your pregnant wife a raspberry. The baby:

On a hill called calvary Jesus my Lord suffered from me

FUCK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Motorola phone i ain’t goin home