At 33, nothing seems more absolutely insane to me than marrying someone you dated in college lol

Everybody make some noise for my coworker Nancy

Hear me out

Wife’s pregnant, but I’M the one with the cravings. Been having the biggest craving to re-watch Waiting for Guffman. @colbymecher.bsky.social load it up when @katiefranco.bsky.social & I are in town in april??

😂😂😂😂

And the thing about me is imma make my $50 and I’ll let you know too LMFAO

You ever put the seat back to sleep in the car You ever live with somebody, while they eat and you starve You ever look in the mirror and just hate who you are And just to say it makes you relive it and think of the scars

I bet the guy who first said “nice blinker” when the car in front of him didn’t signal was cool as shit

Business woman in her 30s, work attire, blazer, conventionally attractive, driving a RAV4 next to me on the highway on her morning commute picking her nose AND EATING IT in the car. Completely un-tinted windows. Wicked work

Guy who has only played one video game: "I'm getting a lot of 'Putt Putt Saves the Zoo' vibes from this"

Hey

Lost my therapist and that sucks she was awesome

Been a while since I've written anything classical, and even longer since I posted about it. here's a preview of something I've been noodling with for the past week

“Whoopty-friggin-doo” gotta be one of the corniest phrases of all time

We know a place where no cars go

Just collected my 500th moon on Mario Odyssey, sorry to the haters that my life is that much better than yours

Vibes today

When you give your pregnant wife a raspberry. The baby:

On a hill called calvary Jesus my Lord suffered from me

FUCK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Motorola phone i ain’t goin home

Physically I may be in Chicago, but mentally? I'm also in Chicago. I'm focusing on the here and now and staying grounded

🐻

W incoming!!! @katiefranco.bsky.social @alfranc10.bsky.social #GoJetsGo

you ever see that guy on tiktok who drives around with a gallon of Koolaid and addresses his viewers as 'Laid Nation? That's real content right there baby

Bears fans preparing to riot but the stadium puts Serengeti's "Dennehy" on the PA and they all calm down instantly and begin milling about harmlessly. "Keep the juice in your chops," they mutter to each other, absently if still somewhat warmly. "Keep the juice in your brats."

Bears‼️

What did humankind do to deserve Nathan Fielder’s hit series ‘Nathan For You’ 💛

Iran popping off rn 👑!!!

My 2026 new years resolution is to be a little smoother with it

I don't wanna die alone right now, but I admit I do sometimes These drugs are callin' me, do one more line, don't fall asleep

Ask ur mom

Who among us will celebrate Christmas aright? Whoever finally lays down all power, allI honor, all reputation, all vanity, all arrogance, all individualism beside the manger; whoever remains lowly and lets God alone be high; whoever looks at the child

Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.

Go Bears

Christmas Movie 🎄

Bottle service tonight 😎🍾🍷🍝

I sold my childhood Wii for $30 Double A batteriesss I’m too young for nostalgia Miss watching dragon ball Z Playin all the Zeldas Spamming Kirby’s down B I’m too young for nostalgia

Christ, by highest heaven adored, Christ, the everlasting Lord, late in time behold him come, offspring of the virgin's womb: veiled in flesh the Godhead see; hail th'incarnate Deity, pleased with us in flesh to dwell, Jesus, our Immanuel

Feels incredible to have followed through on this

“No OnE cArEs AbOuT yOuR sPoTiFy WrApPeD” “nOrMaLiZe NoT sHaRiNg yOuR aPpLe RePlAy” TEXT ME YOUR SPOTIFY WRAPPED SEND ME YOUR APPLE REPLAY I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO SEE IT I LOVE KNOWING AND BEING KNOW BY MY FRIENDS IT’S FUCKING SUPPOSED TO BE FUN SEND ME THAT SHIT I LOVE IT HELL YEAH

There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who were allowed to have BOTH little debbie snacks in the package as kids, and those who could only have 1

Ngl opening a live music set with “we are fucking drug church” is hard as hell lol

Some days.. you just need to come home and crack 2 cold ones 😮‍💨😪

It is what it is, you must accept it while you can, though I could've played, I could've balled just like my dad, but, huh I just couldn't learn to pass, though, this bitch, goddamn Man, y'all couldn't hold a candle, for real

THE MCDOUBLE IS AN ABOMINATION!!!!!!!!