GM. 1. Just watched a 41 min kitchen nightmares episode on TikTok somehow 2. Just explained what kitchen nightmares is to my almost 4 yr old 3. Just exposed said child to the F bomb about 25 times while watching that episode lmao

Hey do you wanna come over and listen to me tell my dog to stop barking for 45 mins straight?? Lmk

Two workers at goodwill walking out of the back and one says “did you hear I got two of my homegirls pregnant??” And the other goes “that’s two baby mommas now bro” LMAO ok

I could never harness the confidence required to blast my music on a motorcycle

New coffee table book just dropped lmao

Explaining to my cat that I can’t turn on the bathtub faucet for her right now because Ben’s pants are taking a bath

Ben got the saddam hiding spot jeans on today

Everybody make some noise for my coworker Nancy

This is my favorite piece of art at the doctor’s office

Nick and Eric really carry this platform tbh. Props!!!

You know what hell yeah

And the thing about me is imma make my $50 and I’ll let you know too LMFAO

TFW $1100 gets taken in taxes from your annual bonus 🥰

Watching the Heated Rivalry frotting scene with all my windows open just to feel something.

Woke up from anesthesia yesterday and deadass asked the nurse if he’s ever tried this poke bowl spot in Rockford lmao

Thinking about the time Ben said he’s too busy to eat fruit or vegetables

Hey

Making Ben start a pbs 1.5hr documentary about the gilded age 20 mins before bed is soooo me

Spent 3 hrs at the phone store today. Hell

Thinking about my stepdad growing up and how he spent literal years collecting dvds and blurays. Had thousands in his collection, every genre, any movie or box set you could really think of. An entire room dedicated for this btw

I can’t believe Alex live tweeted a Costco trip. Hello

recently started doing work on a dx of contamination ocd in therapy and my friend’s mom just invited me to lay on her bed to feel how soft it is. Could not be me, no matter how much therapy I trudge through lmfao get off my bed

Not to be a parasocial weirdo but learning that some of my favorite content creators are not politically aligned with me really bums me out lol

I just know I’d have soooo much tea if I worked at a gas station

Volunteered at a 10k race tonight. 15 year old girl asks me how old I am. “30” “Omg you look SO good for your age!!!!”

Nothing good comes from squeezing the sebaceous filaments on your nose at 11pm

Just did a mobster accent and Heath ate it up lmao

My favorite thing is finding out someone is pregnant by snooping on Pinterest. Amateurs

Ben:

Hater mode but tiktoking your lip color and jewelry stack for your long run in nyc is …….. something else lmfao

Leftover macaroni is disrespectful af

I used the word delegate wrong last night and didn’t realize it until Ben just said “I know you know how to use the word delegate” ok what a way to roast me

Befriended the custodian/housekeeper woman at my office. She’s probably 5’3” and about 60. Been here for 15 years. She told me today that women are nasty and piss all over the bathrooms and leave sanitary items on the ground. Who raised them!!!! Get your ass beat fr

Ben put on a family guy youtube comp and it literally had me SAT

Body is not tea body is anorexic you idiots

I get the minion hype

There was an old lady who swallowed…. “a Pider!” 😭 I’ll miss this some day, I really will

Also why did I think my 25k race was a little over 14 miles but it’s actually 15.50. Lolol and I’m running it in dead shoes w over 400 miles on them because I’m cheap 🤡

I love a woodwick candle sm

Idc

My friends believe I think kissing is more important than activism…… and it’s a hard call to make honestly lmfao which way is the wind blowing ig

Crying bc yesterday morning Heath said “mommy you go to work today?” I said no. He said “hoo-ray!” and snuggled up to me on the couch. I hate Mondays man

I don’t know who jason momoa is and apparently that is some sort of crime

Woke up and thought about how I spent my 20s hating myself. I’m almost 31 and I’m still learning how to undo that. SOS man

I went probably a solid year maybe without a fast food place fucking up my order but 2025 they really have been absolutely ramming my ass and I’m so tired of it

How tf one AirPod gonna die. I have to spend $180(???) for new ones bc one decided it was time to go. Ok

Windows 11 can eat my ass