For all my new followers... Y'all want a beer or something?

Americans: Can we have a healthcare, please? Trump: Greenland! Americans: But, we kinda need healthca- Trump: PANAMA! Americans: But, we want to, you know, not die or- Government: Bans TikTok

There are two wolves inside me … No, wait. So weird. Autocorrect keeps changing “loaves” to “wolves.” Lol.

Yeah... Yeah.

Die Hard, Rent and Gremlins are all Christmas movies. Fight me

"Marley was dead: to begin with." I wish all CEOs a very Dickensian evening

The reason so many billionaires want to go to space is that guillotines need gravity to function

You scumbag, You maggot, You cheap lousy MAGAT [in the spirit of the holidays]

Does...does no one see it?

Does...does no one see it?

South Carolina, drone captured on film

Be the person @robertpicardo.bsky.social thinks you should be.

My toddler has spent the last 20 minutes explaining that her penguin hat is, in fact, a penguin hat. So, for anybody wondering how I'm doing....

I mean...

Just had the best hang out with my favorite aunts. Glad my pal Luigi could make it

Yes, please

Folks, this is difficult for me to say. "Onomatopoeia"

The OnlyFans bots that keep following me clearly don't know I have a type.

When it gets meta, but only with a niche crowd

A jar of pickles will never survive contact with my kids

Man, it was so much fun hanging out with my buddy Luigi Mangione on December 4th. Specifically between 6am and 6pm

For those unaware, NYPD has a tipline to try and ID The Adjuster. I called it. I offered a $25 dollar tip.

Spotted in Edinburgh

...for Frodo...

The fact that BlueSky has voices like @markhamillofficial.bsky.social , @levarburton.bsky.social , @adamconover.net , @georgetakei.bsky.social , @lyndacarter.bsky.social , and @pattonoswalt.bsky.social is amazing. Folk I've adored, some for decades, that are all giving their voice to the fight.

Coming outta my cage and... ...guys, I don't know how to tell you this. It's not as fine as I'd hoped

Samesies

"Like" this post just because.

I saw the 4B movement referred to as "Batten down the snatches." So, I'll just be over here giggling like mad until the end of time

G'night, BlueSky

We know, Ladybug. We know.

🍁 THANKSGIVING DAY 🍁 Thank all of you with love and compassion in your soul To the rest of America this⬇️⬇️

She's not wrong

This will never not be funny

Just heard, "Brennan Lee Mulligan is the guy Josh Whedon THINKS he is." And honestly? Nailed it

My life has peaked. [Hint, I'm Evan] #Letterkenny

I guess this means I'm famous. [Narrator: Nope] @muellershewrote.bsky.social

Womp womp

So, for all my new followers. I'm going to the store, anybody need anything?

Can't wait for the inevitable heel turn by Linda McMahon.

I mean...

Flashback post.

Update: Our billboards are live. Currently they have been approved in 33 locations in Ohio and 63 locations in Texas. We will update you all as more get approved. Thank you all for making this possible. Thank you to Rae Senarighi Fine Art as always for providing the art.

One of the best things to keep in mind...Trump's initial cabinet picks did not survive his presidency during his first term. There can only be so many inglorious bastards in one room. It fell apart before, and I've little hope it won't now.

If you don't at least snort at this, I'm not sure our friendship is going to work out.