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If anyone going on the cruise is willing to get me that cruise exclusive figure I will pay handsomely despite not being handsome

@ladyvean.bsky.social just noticed this in the thrift store and immediately thought of you

Those sons of bitches they finally did it

Can confirm; wasted my 20s

In today’s “ouch I’m old” moment, “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne came on and one of our servers said “ugh my parents love this dumb song”. Why must every word from the mouths of the young stab me like a knife

The Red Sox haven’t been great the last few years but I’ve gotten to see the Yankees get stomped in the World Series and the Patriots get stomped in the Super Bowl so that’s pretty neat

I’m so glad Taco Bell has a breakfast menu; it’s important to get off to a fresh shart each day

I'm happy for everyone who loves the Seahawks and for the larger group of people who hate the Patriots.

Got a mystery shop at work today who described the manager on duty as “a man in his mid-to-late forties” so obviously I’m gonna go ahead and be mildly annoyed all week. Just like a man in his late forties usually is.

No fuckin way

It’s been over 30 years and if I live another 60 years I’ll still never not be furious that Forrest fucking Gump beat out the Shawshank Redemption

Stephen Root doesn’t get nearly enough praise for how consistently good he is no matter how good or bad the show he’s in is.

So obviously you locked him in a crate and shipped it to McMurdo right

I think you meant “San Diego Padres legend Greg Maddux”

Many people have wondered about my cinematography career, and whether or not I worked on Omar Sharif’s final film or Johnny Depp’s historical drama about the founding of the Utah territory. I am here to state unequivocally: I shot the Sharif, but I did not shoot the Depp UT.

Your scientists were so etc etc

my friends and i entered a big tournament where teams compete in different sports. we won at rugby and softball, but finished last in volleyball, basketball, and tennis, so it ended up being a net loss

Its always who you most suspect.

Nope, still unmasking Nazis

Catherine O'Hara is as much of a "good in absolutely everything, no matter how good the thing itself was" actor as Philip Seymour Hoffman.

That was NOT who I meant when I prayed for the demise of the person in Home Alone.

I know I probably shouldn’t steal kitchen utensils from work, but I’ve always been a whisk taker

listen here you stupid leftoid, if you just voted blue in 2024, ICE would be ruining the lives of immigrant families quietly and efficiently in a way where we wouldn't have to hear about it on the news

One of my favorite things is when people are speaking with a British accent in YouTube videos and the subtitles spell out “naur” whenever they say “no”

Appalling that anyone wouldn’t know the word this far into a second Trump administration

If Jose Ramirez played in NY or Boston or LA we’d be hearing about him all the time. People would be vociferously arguing about his HOF credentials on sports talk shows. Even if he was in St. Louis or Chicago. He’s gotta be one of the most unnoticed guys in MLB history relative to his performance.

Cubs fans be like

How dare you prove Ben Afflecks point about anything. How DARE YOU

Doing a bang-up job there, AI summary

Al Gore is far from perfect but goddamn is it depressing to think about how different things would be right now if that election hadn’t been stolen from him

It’s become increasingly apparent over the years that we didn’t hang enough people at Nuremberg

Intentionally creating ice for someone to slip on is the Minnesota equivalent of someone from a different state firebombing your car and then shooting you with a bazooka

Once a year Chris Davis and Bobby Bonilla are going to meet for lunch at the most expensive restaurant in a different city

I love getting Ranger Suarez but it does not blunt the pain of losing Bregman. Still need that lineup anchor and there are not a ton of names out there right now.

This is the only resident of an English government building I’m going to be sad to see go when it’s his time

15 people, people who are paid to be knowledgeable about baseball, left Randy motherfucking Johnson off of their ballots but everyone voted for Mariano Rivera.

This reminds me, I have a special category of guys I think got screwed: not out of the Hall, but screwed out of the recognition of dropping off after the maximum number of ballots. Guys who shouldn’t be in but also should not have been dropped after their first year. They deserved better.

It’s been a while since I said it out loud but I feel it’s important to remind the world: Scott Rolen doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame. (Neither does Tony Oliva, Rollie Fingers, or Phil Rizzuto. And probably not Mike Mussina or Billy Wagner. And maybe not Dennis Eckersley.)

Mike Timlin is one of the most underrated middle-relief guys of all time. Closers get all the press. Timlin was a solid bullpen arm for almost 20 years. 4 rings. You could always count on him. 3 seasons of 2+ WAR, two of them 14 years apart.

Paul Bako played for 12 seasons and had a negative career WAR. No one will do that anymore. You play at a -0.5 for two straight seasons and you’re banished to Triple A forever, it feels like.

Baseball can’t come soon enough.

Somehow the idea of a 6-foot long, 3-foot tall beaver is way scarier than any dinosaur

I wonder what this would look like if it also excluded Kershaw. What kind of names would be up there with Farnsworth? Mark Hendrickson? Tom Gorzelanny? Bruce Chen? Josh Fogg?

Salamanders make the best friends because they don’t axolotl you.

What was your #childhoodcinema Showcase cinemas in East Hartford, CT. Closed the year after I left high school (2006) and stood empty until it was demolished in 2019. Couldn’t find a picture of it when it was open so here’s one I found of the abandoned property

I am 38 and if I stand up too fast my knees pop so loudly I can feel it in my jaw