People I thought were the same person when I was little: James Dean and Jimmy Carter Corbin Bleu and Orlando Bloom Carlton Lassiter and Mr Bean

Everything they taught me about professionalism growing up is a lie I use at least 70 different emojis in every business email I have sent in the last six months and end every single sentence with “lol”

How I feel every time I understand what people are saying to me in French but only being able to think of the words “oui” and “merci” in response

WHOOOO MADE THIS

I’m doing a brand deal with a sex toy company and need some creative ways to pose in selfies with them that aren’t just posing and smiling but are also not me putting my entire vulva on my ig story

Upon rewatching the Fosters for the first time since I was a teenager I think Brandon should be put in the pit of despair

God bless the hands that helped this hamburger

every day i have to tamp down the feral dog in my head that wants to start biting people being condescending or annoying towards my gf online

Me and my gf isolating ourselves from society and making things out of yarn when our periods are synced up

my healthiest habit is smoking cigarettes because at least it makes me go outside

Both

The hunger games socks stay on during sex

Blessed be the poot

my day has been ruined finding out about the v*vziep*p homestuck show

I can’t ever be horny on main or my girlfriend will know I have a crush on her

I missed seeing ass all because of the Bible

Pisscord

I’m Constipsted bht like not actually I just can’t shit post the way I yearn to …..

@emhahee.bsky.social and I when we have the same brand of religious trauma

Thy two breasts are like two young roes That are twins which feed among the lilies

the chances of hearing porn from the bible when in conversation with @emhahee.bsky.social and @khaosguillotine.bsky.social is low but never 0

idk whats in the air lately but can people please stop being freaks towards me my little boy heart can’t take it anymore

If I had a penis I would never have a boner because that’s a sin

Chris rlly outed himself as a villain this episode didn’t he #loveisland

OF COURSE CRAVE IS DOWN THE MINUTE WE WANT TO START THE LOVE ISLAND FINALE FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

furthermore, ronald reagan would not have become president without thomas edison so really a time traveler needs to go back in time and throw baby Edison into the sea

thomas edison is the ronald reagan of the entertainment industry

more businesses are relying on heroin use to increase employee efficiency. studies have found that one employee on heroin can replace three non-heroin employees at a fraction of the cost. ceo's should consider implementing heroin in their organizations or risk being left behind, say heroin dealers

Is it any coincidence that the next morning I woke up with this on my face and now if I’m lucky I’ll have a really cool eye scar

Voting for best boy on love island feels like trying to decide between a fart and a toot

I have never been more evil nor more lesbian I can feel myself becoming Shego

Thinking about this lmfao

Being in love with ur best friend is so funny lol like wym we can just do what we were already doing it’s just clothing optional now

I was obsessed with Christian medical romance novels as a youth

Whoever came up with the connections today needs to be fired I’m literally fuming and it’s 6:30 am

What level of lesbianism is drawing me and @melonangel.bsky.social and their cat as Steven universe characters

WHO SENT ME THIS LOL

we are now alternating between the AHHHs and OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDD

i am sitting outside in the sun while emily and khaos watch dr who and i just heard screaming start from inside that was so loud and long that i thought some kind of alarm was going off. emily has been screaming for over 60 seconds. not even words. just AHHHH. AHHHHHHHH. AH!!!!!

👩‍❤️‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🇨🇦🍁

They also live in another country but I’m working on that

officially in a long distance relationship (I’m six inches taller than them)

Every ex boyfriend either of us have had up to now was purely a food source to feed our attractiveness so we would be at max hot potential when we finally boned

just saw a picture of one of my ex boyfriends and i’m pretty sure i have unintentionally cast some sort of glamour spell that has transferred any level of attractiveness he may have had to me

@melonangel.bsky.social and I posting about our relationship knowing two grown men are actively crying about us to the therapists they only started seeing in the first place because of an ultimatum from a woman they made miserable

Buy @melonangel.bsky.social American cigarettes and matching slippers and she’s yours forever

Maybe we planted the seeds of lesbianism in the mind of his poor wife

yelled at a man for being creepy towards me and my gf yesterday and it was cathartic but also extremely rage inducing because he kept insisting he did not feel he was being creepy while me and my friends kept yelling that he was creepy and to leave us the fuck alone