Just a quick wellness check. I’m ok. I’m not. But I’m ok.

Oh I fucking hate you, #7

Every time Harrison Butker misses a kick a woman gets admitted to college.

Hey @marissasays.bsky.social I have an idea

God damn

I shall not weep for the fall of an evil man

W would love this. @marissasays.bsky.social would have some questions

We are so back.

Just came across this sound on TikTok: “Your tongue knows what everything feels like. Look around the room. Imagine what it would be like to lick that. And your tongue immediately knows what it would feel like.” I’m not even high. But this breaking my god damn brain.

Reminder:

Front page of ESPN

Wrestlemania 33 was the worst one. #fuckorlando

Worlds of Fun > Disney World. #fuckorlando

Orlando is a trash place full of trash people. Fight me

There are so many things you do right, @kansascitycurrent.bsky.social but today was an embarrassment. Announcing a delay 1 minute before kick. Providing no in stadium updates. Providing no social media updates. This is a day you should be ashamed of.

Gonna go out on a limb and say John Rave isn’t supposed to be a Major League Baseball player

Brought myself a mini bag of cheezits to bed with me. Got all cozy and reached for them. Knocked them on the floor. And honestly, I couldn’t even name a single person that has ever had anything worse happen to them. In all of history. I wouldn’t wish this horror on any person.

No cheating. Your last saved celebrity photo is your therapist. Who is it? I’ve been trying to hire @marissasays.bsky.social for this job for years!

I’m not sure I should be tearing up during episodes of Bluey. I think I’m watching it wrong.

Just a boy with a chainsaw, pole saw, baby that goes to sleep early, and a wife that works late. Perfect combination to fulfill my dream of being a night arborist.

I know I don’t post much anymore, but I have to say something. If that dog in the new Superman movie dies, I’m gonna beat the fuck outta James Gunn. It’s going to be a bloodbath. You can film it, put it on TMZ, whatever. I just need everyone to know where I stand.

You ever been so deep into Dad Mode that you out loud and involuntarily yelled at yourself for not holding the flashlight right? Yeah, me neither.

My lovely wife @marissasays.bsky.social will be on Great Day KC this morning! Make sure to tune in and watch her crush it!

I’ll admit. I was delirious and had poop on my hands. So my most logical thought at 4:45 am, on less than 3 hours sleep, was “we have to cut these pajamas off” and that’s exactly what I did. She thought I was being facetious lol

There’s not a person on this damned earth that can beat a determined Fatty Scott in an auction. Especially if he’s had a couple cocktails.

Anyone out there know a good mechanic, preferably diesel mechanic, in the KC metro area looking for a new job? Gann Asphalt and Concrete is looking to hire one. Top of the market pay, benefits. Could do hourly or salary. CDL preferred but not required. Welding knowledge is a plus. Send them my way.

I do not believe the creator of this video intended to make an enemy. But yet, she has.

Sunday Dinner

This Mizzou game and Bluesky not letting me post gifs with swears. Both are fucking embarrassing.

The only thing more bullshit than this Mizzou game is the fact that I can’t post a gif with a swear word in it. And I fucking both those things.

God dammit Mizzou

Fuck Dune. You stole Tremors and tried to church it up with some Star Wars and you sucked at it. How dare you.

If personalities are graded on a 10 point scale, I idle at 17 so this is about as small as I can go. I really thought I went super small until she walked in and shook her head and smiled.

After spending a few weeks consulting with my R&D team, we analyzed the board and made the necessary adjustments.

Lainey Wilson was a DEI placement

Can’t wait to watch the YouTubes and TikToks of the Bills fans filming the crowd, screaming fuck you at us as their team failed to convert the final 4th down and then sulking up the stairs lol

Has anyone checked on @kylebrandt.bsky.social ?

Philly, you are so fucked. It’s hilarious

The boy loves his tiger. #MIZ

Fuck Oklahoma forever. This is a Mark Andrews post

I guess I don’t understand the Tony Romo hate? Is it just cause he’s excited?

should’ve known the lions were in trouble when people started calling them “america’s team” have you seen america

It’s almost… inspiring? how much Tom Brady sucks at commentating.

Tom Brady couldn’t mail it in any harder if he worked for the fucking post office

If you take penalties and sacks out, it’s much closer. The Texans 10 minute third quarter drive was for 156 yards

Well that’s just mean hahahahahahahaha

#PlayoffGeorge is a thing