Many words have been written about how they monitored the weather to select the ideal time for the Normandy invasion. Why hasn’t anyone considered how great D-Day would’ve been if it happened when capital markets were closed?

So I told the Ayatollah I’ve got an idea, let’s put this very special prize in a briefcase and attach it to a top of the cage and I’ll put up Pete Hegseth and you put up your best fighter and we’ll have them settle it this Sunday at the LA Colosseum.

A nonsensical phrase I’ve had stuck in my head for a while is “where we go one wegovy”

My Canadian girlfriend was negotiating with the Iranians. You wouldn't know her.

President declares "sike!", DOW immediately jumps 5%

Accelerationism and nihilism are not really my bag. But, I will admit to a perverse sort of joy I’m getting from thinking about ICE agents and the American business traveller class colliding with one another. And in such a stressful environment! Buy stock in viral videos if you can.

This would be a war crime. Obviously. Collective punishment.

Just thinking about what it would be like to see Trump on ESPN revealing a bracket à la Obama

The ex boyfriend of the cancelled Bachelorette, apparently:

mom can you pick me up at the strait of hormuz, my friends are laughing at me and wont help

“People are saying to me ‘Icarus, Icarus, don’t fly so close to the sun, your wings will melt’ but that’s just fake news. You want me to fly close to the sun don’t you folks? And if I’m wrong you’ll know it when my wax wings start dripping on you. But I won’t be wrong, I’m very much never wrong.”

“We’re done fighting woke wars” parents arguing with their 5 year olds at bedtime.

Ok that’s a good joke.

NYTimes breaking news alert: 32 countries will release 400 million barrels of oil so that the dumbest man in the world can spend a few more days avoiding the consequences of being a shitbrained moron surrounded by bootlicking losers.

American life becomes more manageable, psychologically speaking, when you just accept that 1/3 of your countrymen are on board with both the dumbest and most evil things. Bad food, those Adam Sandler movies where he just puts his friends in the cast, killing children. The 1/3 love it all!

Let’s get even more twisted with prediction markets. Like super personal shit. Will my co-worker Steve’s wife take the kids and go stay at her mother’s before April 31st at 11:59pm? Yes trading at 33 cents right now but, Steve won’t shut up about his fraternity reunion next week so I’m going all in

I love Econ-positng. Dan Habsmith of Guttermeyer Associates posts the most confusing chart you've ever seen and says "Quite surprising VARG numbers, SPLG index showing movement" and you get the context by one of his mutuals quoting it with "Buy a fucking gun and head for the hills. Right now."

Revelations described everything about Armageddon in exquisite detail except for how bearish the markets would be about it all, apparently.

Maria Bartiromo just said on Fox News that “Defense contractors are pledging to quadruple their production” as if they’re donating food for the homeless and not profiting off of misery for millions of people.

feels telling about American foreign policy punditry that while many decry the aimlessness of Trump’s monstrously wrong Iran war there were far more outraged columns over the harm done to US power and influence and standing and interests and example when Biden rightly withdrew from Afghanistan.

SHOULD THE U.S BLOT OUT THE SUN AND USHER IN AN AGE OF ETERNAL DARKNESS? - Gallup 2/20/26-3/5/26 NO - 41% YES - 38% UNSURE - 21%

Sometimes when I see or hear stuff about the Trump people preparing for America’s 250th birthday I think about how People magazine celebrated Betty White turning 100 on their cover and she died before she actually made it to 100.

"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school

Just want to note that 3am in Washington is like 11:30am in Tehran. The American people are the ones he snuck up on in the dead of night to conduct this illegal attack, not the purported enemy.

[Celebrity Apprentice Recap] In last night’s episode the Americans did a brand collab/crossover with Israel that already killed 85 Iranian children!

Narratively speaking having the MC bungle a worldwide pandemic in act one is the only way to set up the tension around giving him control of the decision making process for which robots will control the nuclear arsenal, and how their ‘moral compass’ will be coded in act three.

When Trump says a group of Somalis in Minnesota conspired to steal $19b from the federal government I know it’s not true because if it were, Martin Scorsese would be making a movie about it.

trump is calling for banning congressional stock trading, but he leaves out the key detail: the reason there's a standstill right now is democrats want it to apply to trump and the white house, but trump issued a veto threat over that.

Start calling these boys the Mighty Cucks

In a poignant moment of crossing the aisle, Trump brought Savannah Guthrie’s kidnapped mother and revealed her as a guest at the State of The Union.

Rich people in 2026

Joe Rogan thinks that Mamdani is a psychopath but the 10 guys that he knows that is in the Epstein files are normal

Yes, that’s correct. I’ve convened the meeting of my board of peace at the same time that I’m amassing an armada to strike Iran. What of it?

@kenjennings.bsky.social I want you to know that my wife and I are doing everything we can to make “JIT” happen. We keeping saying things to each other like “JIT you pick anything up for dinner?” or “what JIT you do with the remote?” We have to make it stick!

Rep. Mark Alford: "If you tie a judicial warrant to what ICE is doing, it will never happen"

I’ve never used AI for anything but I’ve had an intrusive thought for several days now that I should ask it to write a movie script with the plot that Donald Trump has a dream that the only way he can save the midterms is to organize an Opie and Anthony reunion tour and he sets about doing it.

A kalshi market for daily favorable v unfavorable Stancil posts on Bluesky would do numbies

Tesla, SpaceX, xAI, and X the Everything App have been merged into a new company called I Can Keep Doing This Forever And No One Can Stop Me

The Democrat party is a giant 3D printer that can be called upon at any moment to produce *enough votes +1* to make sure nothing ever changes or gets better or that anyone is ever held to account.

Excited for Bovino and his new office.

Bovino was the clearest example of someone I looked at in the admin and thought “how could anyone, regardless of their politics, not look at that man and see someone that would inflict cruelty on themselves and the people they love without thinking twice?” The next most dead eyed—for me—is Vance.

Suspiciously asking my wife who's funding her anytime she criticizes me

Guy in California in 1861 hearing news the confederates fired on Fort Sumter: I hope my union brethren don’t take the bait.

@murderxbryan.bsky.social oh hell yeah

The same folks in the U.S. and U.K. who spend all day jumping up and down screaming about transgender athletes and men in women’s bathrooms have no issue with their daughters being exploited by Elon Musk. The definition of hypocrisy.

Kind of funny to hear Collinsworth talk about Aaron Rogers abilities as “surgical” when the man doesn’t believe in any medical advances since the 1890s.

If dipshits keep qualifying their criticisms of this illegal raid and kidnapping with “but maduro wasn’t a good guy etc etc” then Luigi should be allowed to use the approval ratings of health insurers as part of his legal defense.

None of the conservative talk radio stations in my market are carrying this idiot’s speech, they stuck with their Saturday infomercial schedule. In an ironic twist the only ones playing it are the two public radio stations.