And Peach would just talk about how she's gonna catch the spray from the hose one of these days, she is certain. Its days are numbered. Oh and finding a way to stop the sound of the drier lint catcher being pulled out 😡😡😡😡

My tiny cat Alan would post reviews of pieces of crinkly plastic from discarded wrappers. The safety seal from a bottle of Afrin nasal spray? 10/10. Good volume, maintains its shape, excellent tonality that really carries.

If my golden retriever had a social media account, he’d only post pictures of food. But he’d post it after he’d eaten half with the caption “I forgot to take a picture because I was so excited to eat!”

I talked to my representative’s staff about impeachment in March, and got told it’s not in the cards. Thinking about that conversation again.

A bold new form of governance where we are all subject to laws that were written as social media posts in the middle of the night by someone who took Ambien

My bestie sent me this picture of her neighbor’s kitten, who is 1000 years old and has stolen many souls to maintain that elfin form

If you announce that your ballroom will have a top secret military installation- doesn’t that kinda make it no longer secret?

@realfollowers.bsky.social How many?

I’m not Christian and yet even I can plainly see that Trump is the Antichrist and his cabinet are the 4 horsemen of Pestilence, Famine, War, and Death. It’s like the Bible was written by people experiencing the decline of an empire and rule by sociopaths and gave us a framework to describe it

My husband’s favorite thing is to walk in the bathroom when I’m in the shower and ask things like, “what are the names of all the dogs in Paw Patrol?”

I have voted twice to advance articles of impeachment. We cannot wait. Congress must convene immediately and begin proceedings to remove this man from office for the safety of our nation, Americans, and the world.

Is he saying praise be to Allah because he’s mad about the Iranian Lego ai video that called him an infidel?

I know it’s bedtime, but what could be the harm in one more handful of shredded cheese?

Imagine going to the far side of the moon and still being expected to check your email

My teenager is reading Romeo and Juliet in English class, and whenever I ask her, “how was school?” she says, “Romeo is such a little bitch”

My golden retriever kept getting distracted and losing his tennis ball, and my husband said, “He’s got the mind of a day trader.”

This morning I emailed my congressperson telling her that the 8 million people who protested yesterday is a sign that she should impeach. I recommend contacting your reps and telling them to do their damn jobs.

This lady cracked me up

The protest on Vashon island had a live band. The walrus is playing the tambourine

Darwin helping me make my sign for No kings

this is a nation of car salesmen who are terrified of drag queens, in large part, because those car salesmen have no concept of their own mortality, or the mortality of anyone who they see as above them. death is for noncitizens. death is for queers. death is for people who break the rules. not them

A Borges story about a guy who gets AI to summarize all the world’s information for him, and then summarize the summary, until the AI has the whole world summarized into a single word. He sits alone at his desk, staring at the word, repeating it endlessly, certain he is experiencing everything

Too legitimate to quitimate

He is not the lathe of heaven! He does not speak truth into existence!

Saw Hadestown at the local high school. I love the idea that oil and coal, being underground, are in the domain of Hades, and burning them brings us closer to hell.

“Sir, this is not a Wendy’s”

I do not want targeted ads. I want to see the wildest shit that exists in the world that people are willing to pay money for.

In the parking garage telling my kids, “this is what Ariel gave up her fins for.”

NEW VIDEO: Did the US military use AI to target the Iranian girls' school? I made a deep dive about AI targeting and its use in Gaza by the IDF, and how the US might be using these same systems that were trained on the blood of Palestinians. This is my first ever video essay, so please watch/share!

Sometimes I’ll sing a little made up song for my dog, then my husband will inform me that he’s playing fortnight with an open mic. So, to everyone out there who’s heard me say 🎶you’re so beautiful and you smell like a puppy🎶, you’re welcome.

A dad at the park told me that the snow here tastes different than the snow in North Bend

It’s been a warm winter, but today we got our first snow

The arch of the moral universe is in retrograde

ai is modern day alchemy- the belief that if you eat enough mercury, someday your lead will turn to gold

My letter to the editor in my local paper

can't help but notice whose losses are expressed in dollars and whose losses are expressed in lives

There was a beautiful moment today at my daughter’s basketball game where all play stopped because there was a ladybug on the court. The girls all worked together to pick it up and set it free outside

Eye chart incantations.

Someone check polymarket so we know how long her firing has been in the works

As a former New Englander- we know they’re shitty coffee and donuts, but they’re OUR shitty coffee and donuts, goddammit.

If they wrote a version of We Didn’t Start the Fire for the current moment, it’d be like that Borges story where the map is the same size as the terrain it represents

Sometimes I have dreams that take place in cells of an excel spreadsheet

Writing tip for Congress members: Use active voice instead of passive voice. Passive voice: “They need to be investigated.” Who will investigate them? Columbo? Inspector Gadget? Active language would look like this: “I will introduce articles of impeachment and Congress will investigate.”

They should make a How It’s Made episode about how episodes of How It’s Made are made.

I think taking out a foreign head of state every month is bad and the people responsible for doing it should be impeached

This explains why there are so many feral horses in New York City

In looksminning. I’m pajama-and-crocs-pilled

I need to do the dishes, but my husky informed me that it’s time to go to bed, so I’m laying in bed with my jeans on waiting for him to be deep enough asleep for me to sneak away

“Everything’s computer”