“god helps those who help themselves” So god’s lazy and picking the easy wins

Just woke up from a nightmare that I completely screwed up cooking Christmas dinner

Gonna go with a classic. As Napoleon said in a letter to his wife Josephine: “Do not bathe”

Today’s sunset

Little works

My dad reminded me of that time sunlight was hitting clouds weird and the Soviet computers flagged it as incoming nukes. Stanislav Petrov was like, “nah, it’s a false alarm” and didn’t retaliate. My dad said, “if they used ai to make that choice, we’d all be dead.”

Oh no my windows computer is automatically updating. Goodbye functionality I will miss you

Just saw an ad for some ai tool that can “make a sales invoice good enough to eat.”

Thornton Wilder rising from his grave and killing me for yelling out, “So does Grover’s Corner have a McDonalds, or?” when the stage manager asks if anyone has questions

I will never be as cool as my dog when he wears a hat

Spent 5 hours this year listening to the faucet in the bathtub drip Spent 12 hours listening to the silence after the refrigerator shuts off Spent 18 hours pondering what could be rattling around in the trunk of the car

Insert a movie into a movie Sharksharknadonado

It’s Giving Tuesday, so give me all your money. This is a stick up

Humans were domesticated by germs because our sneezes are useful to them

Reminder that flying cars already exist. They’re called helicopters and they require a ton of special training to pilot and must be in contact with air traffic control.

@profanity.accountant stats plz

Time to shower and change from my day pajamas into my evening pajamas

Last week at WinCo I told the cashier I was impressed by how many veggie codes he knew by heart, and he said his dying words would be “bananas 4011. Gala Apples 4132.”

I realize there are only like 5 people who may do this but I would strongly suggest giving this a read. Gift link www.nytimes.com/2025/11/23/o...

One thing I love about Data’s poem about his cat Spot is that it was written by humans trying to sound like a robot who’s trying to sound like a human.

That bit of gunk that you thought the dishwasher would take care of has hardened. It’s stuck like a barnacle. It’s part of the dish now.

So it’s just straight up plagiarizing Wikipedia?

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need to like every message in the group chat. My phone’s about to catch fire because everyone is heart reacting to “Sounds great! See you there!”

Retrophrenology would fix me

So many people who couldn’t cut it in Hollywood so they became politicians so they could be on TV

EpiscoBot sounds like a character from Futurama who would rob you

My daughter saw a place where a bunch of mushrooms were growing and called it a mushroom thrivery.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Re: crimes Hey,, thank you for having me at yur iland too do crimes .i had fun It was grate talking abut how women r stupid after a long day of abusing them

Why do they keep trying to make humanoid robots? If the point is to have it do stuff humans can’t do, it should have a bunch of spider-leg like appendages, each ending in a different sized socket wrench.

While you guys were watching the northern lights, I studied the blade

If anyone else isn’t seeing the Aurora, know that I dragged my whole family out, and this is the sky where we live

This video I did it before gencide as student day in gaza, ahhh everything destroyed even me

This may be a dumb question. If the Senate caves, does The House of Representatives open up and then go through a round of trying to pass legislation? Or does the legislation just go through and the House stays closed? We’re living in a weird twilight dimension and I honestly don’t know.

The whole point of society is to make sure everyone gets fed

We could: a)develop systems of logistics that distribute food and medicine or b) strip mine the earth to make robots that do our laundry Let’s give a trillion dollars to the guy who thinks the second option is good, and who single-handedly destroyed the first option

Betteridges’s Law strikes again

Shout out to my grocery store for the phenomenal job they did decorating for Halloween this year

How is the sandwich jury not laughing? How are they not laughing so hard that they cry and pee themselves? How are thy not laughing so hard that they lose their voices and just rock back and forth with their mouths open and eyes watering, occasionally hiccuping and sucking in air?

Kinda Orwellian how giant concrete and steel data centers are called The Cloud

He’s had the same imaginary friends since he was in college in the 60s?! Did the Baileys go to college with him, or have they always been a middle-aged couple, forever stuck in time and place, unchangeable?

I love that American English has multiple words for a car in bad shape that range in connotation from affectionate to derogatory Jalopy, beater, clunker, junker, hooptie, lemon, wreck

It’s open enrollment season and the term “qualifying life event” is stuck in my brain. It feels like a pinprick every time I think of it.

Just signed up for health insurance and I gotta say, what if there was a better system than me paying hundreds of dollars per month and my employer paying over 1k per month for me to get what is essentially a coupon for 60% off health care visits* *restrictions apply

This may be a dumb question- But can House Democrats show up and start proposing laws even though Johnson suspended the House of Representatives? Also, can the Senate pass laws on its own if the House is disbanded? Can the Senate impeach Johnson? I honestly don’t know how it works.

The $40 Billion we gave to Argentina could have been $1000 per person on SNAP benefits

I really think that we need to talk more about the fact that Republicans have basically quietly abolished the House of Representatives

We’re watching his blood curdle in real time and they tell us they used ai to determine he has the heart of a 60-year-old. They take us for absolute fools

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.

Techbros reinventing the horse