🤦 This whole episode was so disturbing that it genuinely ended my scrolling yesterday. Like, I can't have any more of this; the layers and the level of bullshit is unbearable. 🇺🇸

It’s like a bad dream. You can visualize a beautiful blackletter “I” but every time you draw it it comes out like this

In a way, living in Chinese society, you have had to develop cognitive defense habits long before the proliferation of AI fakes, lies, and hallucinations, even as you witness scenes with your own eyes.

🇺🇸⚫

get in the harness claude

May Victor Orbán simply be the first in a string of countries engaging in overdue housecleaning by kicking their authoritarian leaders to the curb.

Learn Finnish from weird blog titles: "Valvottavat valvovat valvojaa" 🇫🇮

There is an intellectual reason to pursue one's "crushes", or people one has an interest in: if someone is interesting despite that they did *not* show interest in you, it's a stronger indicator that you see something desirable in them. 🎭

Orbán's electoral crushing is a far greater achievement than most people outside Hungary realise. He systemically consolidated power for 16 years, fixed the electoral map, abused govt power for political purposes & censored media. The hurdles that Hungarians overcame for this moment were immense.

When the hickeys start to fade… I would like to be kissed again. 🌸

I met her at her place. I gave her a tiny bundle of flowers. She gave me a non-fiction book about policy-making. 🌹

I recently did a collaboration with the Department of Conservation to develop a line of merch for their iconic visitor centres at Tongariro and Aoraki National Parks... The Aoraki designs aren't public yet, but I can share the Tongariro designs which are now available for purchase on location.

Today in insane realizations: just like how self-rejecting before giving someone else the chance to reject me, self-hatred before giving someone else the chance to hate me is also a form of erosion of, or disrespect towards, that person's agency! 🤯

anyone else finding that mythos is kinda dumb today? took minutes to bring down a developing country's internet when usually it takes like ~30 seconds.

In a way, I think the Claude Mythos / Glasswing initiative is even more heroic than Artemis II: it has real capacity to annihilate our entire civilization (via cybersecurity, banking, communications). The scene of "top players standing together to save the world despite differences" inspires awe.

Enough with the depression symptoms; enough of the dysregulation of social senses. Revenge, revenge -- by absolutely slaughtering the to-do list, is the only way for me to regain lost ground and feel any positivity. ⚫🖕 Anger is worth something.

My life has been grinding to a halt… because even my computer is lagging to a halt… because even just the 15-20 Twitter Firefox tabs I had was using up 20GiB (wtf?!)

A realization today... There's a fair chance that all kinds of weird stuff happen in my intimate relationships because... I had never been on, gone on, joined, or organized any dates, before those relationships were established. (!!) 🎭💡

E-cargo bikes have been life changing for my household. The Mrs didn't grow up on a bike. I taught her to ride as an adult. A few years later, she started doing more life by bike because it was easy and fun, whether that was hauling a big load or simply moving herself from A to B.

🖤

🏴

AP News shows her treating it like a catwalk. Queen shit.

I continued telling her that I felt horny for her, and explained to her why I was able to indulge myself, and, on her request, told her what I liked about her. 🎭 x.com/easoncxz/sta...

I'm feeling weak after almost a week with no time to exercise. I did some benchmark series of exercises, and I was struggling so much in basic stuff. I'm deteriorating faster than I can rebuild… ⚫

I think my social life is falling into chaos and disarray, largely because: I have a notable increase in volume of deep/real/intense socialising, compared to e.g. 6-12 months ago, and that I'm still autistically dealing with social situations using the slow System 2. 🤔⚫

Something triggered me into suddenly crying, about "feasting till satiation after a successful hunt". ⚫💔 All I want is the satiation after a feast after one successful hunt.

How to feel emotionally-strong… without being delusional? I feel endless self-doubt whenever I try to assess reality in a non-biased way. "The method must have been wrong", "the reading must have been off", "the claim must have been false". ⚫

It's summer now, so my plans for the summer… maybe learn to cartwheel? 🤔

I learnt (by watching people do it around me) a way to set up a bench at the gym for doing rows, so today I tried out doing rows and squats. Turns out I can row about the same as I can safely squat: 1.08x my bodyweight, which is significantly more, almost double, what I can bench-press. 🧗

I need to become more unhinged. 🕷️

Multiple fronts of close connections being made/deepened. For each person, my brain is calculating what is the frontier of connection that is to be pushed/explored. My brain is… working overtime… 🎭🎐

Deleting X and only posting on Bluesky was a great decision, not only because X seems to be a bad place but also because it’s so boring here. My feed here is mostly middle aged men posting way too many very uninteresting details about their lives. Brings my scrolling time basically down to zero.

🇳🇿

💀 A social group is holding an "equinox party", in a very joyous/cheerful way. I am incredibly not on the same frequency. 😂 I do NOT think I will likely be having a good time over equinox. (But hey, let's see. 🎭)

The destruction of truth, and then also the destruction of identities. It'll take some very optimistic and creative imagination to see and find a future in which the internet is not dead. 🤖😐⚫

Today I learnt about the fictional character, Mörkö. ⚫ www.moomin.com/fi/blogi/mor... Wherever she walks, the ground freezes, and people around are afraid of her. 💔

Oh man, I've been stuck in this state, in this problem, for a full year now. 🙁⚫

Another wave of 🐦🦋

My drive ("motivation", energy) is almost entirely predicated on "doing the thing well", for various things; so when things go to shit, and it is shown that I suck, I "see no point in even carrying on". The feedback loops are brutally positive (i.e. amplifying). ⚫

The swan. The fable of the ugly duckling. The coincidental-or-not national bird of Finland. A symbol, at least in my mind, of pain, suffering, transformation, and redemption. 🦢🩰⚫⚪ (Invoking Andersen, Tchaikovsky, and Saint-Saën.)

> Ei talvikunnossapitoa > Silta ajoittain liukas 🇫🇮

I feel the mania of equinox kicking in. I understand why: the weather is getting better. The sun calls for me to be outside. And yet, my bottleneck remains inner work. There is no FOMO when there is kaamos. I am not ready for life.

I still need to actually read and watch the details, but I think there's an element of *revenge* in Alysa Liu's joy. I certainly remember dark times I was in, and when people near me asked "what would help you feel better?", I answered ~"a long and intense period of productivity", i.e. flow state.

Insomnia. A version of it is fundamentally a distrust towards "tomorrow". Tomorrow will never come. It'll never happen; stuff will never be done "tomorrow" -- it HAS to be NOW; it's now or NEVER. ⚫

Long form communications: blogs and emails

OTOH, I did somehow pull off two (2) advanced social moves over the phone call with my mum today: - "What did I say just now? Repeat to me what I said just now.", "If you're not going to listen to what I say, why even have this phone call with me?"

I legit created both a Tiktok and a Pinterest account, with the intention of getting addicted, but it just couldn't happen. Something is missing, and they just come across to me as incredible hollow and boring. Instagram, whose "Reels" is similar in format to Tiktok, was able to get me hooked.

I just asked for a cheap tarot reading from the first online site, and the results are... inspiring??? That, I look at them with the mental baggage of my present life, and... the tarot readings can be interpreted as good advice. ??? 🔮 www.free-tarot-reading.net/readings/257...

Tragically, I tried some aged cheddar (12 months), and... I don't like it. Granted, it's a cheap slab from a supermarket home-brand, but the corresponding home-brand aged gouda, of a similar price, is simply delightful, "the best thing ever". I guess I just don't like cheddar. 😕🇬🇧