My son is singing the dog a song he made up about the dog. 🐶 he’s one of us.

It’s not like you are telling me they are pescatarians, it’s like they are ok with kidnapping and rapists.

I see my Aunt Laverne’s eyes when I look at her granddaughter.

My husband is dressing like Tom Selleck and I’m not mad about it.

I can’t take all the credit, I’m certified Quaid Army.

I haven’t giggled that hard with a friend in ages.

Listen to the kuato

Best vibe combo in the house. Nailed it??

Yo, send me your best chants on Spotify.

What are the cute nail color combos these days? Is fingers: short white and toes: blood red still a thing?

Why tea always gotta be so spicy?

Those charity donations at companies are you paying their tax break.

I think it’s weird that senior discounts are a real thing, don’t they have enough?? Boomers man.

Whoa John Kerry is still alive. He’s the first person I ever voted for for president!

I wish Bluesky had audio tweets or whatever these are supposed to be called skeets?? That just seems foul.

How do you end a voice note?

Are you becoming a crystal girl?? I ask my 41 year old husband.

Rugs are the lynch pin on which we move forward stylistically. And that is why we must pick a table!

Sidewalk, chalk designs on neighborhood walks are a true joy.

Parks and Rec perfected the blooper game. Killed bloopers forever.

Minor parenting annoyance: running errands for yourself is impossible. I’ve been wanting to get my glasses fixed for weeks.

My in-laws keep it at 77 in their house. My perimenopausal ass can’t handle it.

Cookies and cream is my vanilla

Geez Houston airport, we taxied for 15 minutes after landing

Watching Ratatootie!

There is something about doing talent evaluations while the world is burning around us

We are so much of a circle sometimes.

You know your life is just constant tasks and arranging things when you have the old-school Tetris theme song stuck in your head.

My daughter is playing on my Pokopia. She just wants to be the pied piper and have them all follow her around.

Babeeeeeuuuhhhhh @iamtito.bsky.social

This energy ❤️

We elected the scum of the earth to president. No wonder the world hates us. AND somehow we can’t get him back out??

Top choices of romcoms that aged the worst: Shallow Hal and My Best Friends Wedding

Ok so it’s between Grover and a hammerhead shark.

The hold that Say You, Say Me by Lionel Ritchie has on me rn is insane.

Unclench your butt cheeks she says to herself for the 156th time today.

It’s the size of a cantaloupe

See below.

The only items are my to-do list tonight are: 1) jeef 2) Pet the cat. Hard. 3) try on 12 new bathing suits, figure out what to keep. 4) update your budget to see if we can afford a new car right now. Guess the order I chose.

Freshly jeefed, let’s go do math fuckers.

Opening credits rolling, I’m charmed already!

Black screen. Bird chirping. A car driving comes closer, it screeches a man yells! Thump—-nooooooOo! Screech!! Then this:

Yas

Already a fantastic sign. IYKYK.

Ended up here which, giving the quiet juxtaposition of the font and this old woman (DAME MAGGIE SMITH), I am excited to watch!!!

Ended up with Lee starring Kate Winslet. Wanted to see it cause Andy Samberg was in it. First scene: war. Nope!

What weirdass movie hole did I fall into??

You know what thought has never ever ever crossed my mind before? Lets go buy a Jaguar 🚗

A rewatch of The Nanny is justttt what my soul needs.