An Indian woman named Deepa just swiped on me on Feeld, and I’m dying to know if her name is a pun. #100TrueStory

Saw your mom at Walgreens

What I like about Tom Hardy as an actor is that 50% of the time, regardless of the character, it looks like he's considering eating or fucking whoever is in the scene with him.

LOTR-themed Whisk detergent commercial featuring, "one ring around the collar to rule them all." Galadrial uses Whisk to wash Frodo' Mithril in Mount Doom getting that and all the Hobbits' clothes clean.

"I'm time travelin' Abe Lincoln and I like your modern shaving razors."

"I have seen the light. No war but a class war. Also none of my jokes were ever funny. Lord have mercy on my soul."

Elon Musk chatbot repeatedly making CSAM on demand should be one of the single biggest stories right now and it's effectively a collective shrug instead

Chuck's right! Let's save the more potent "whoopsie daisy" for larger historical events like Vietnam.

Communist Revolution?

Hey, why don’t they make the whole life out of dopamine?

I know the world looks bleak, but I'm old enough to have lived through the David Bowie normie stage. This was not part of a JC Penney catalogue. We got through that, and we can get through this.

Y'know there are a bunch of annoying dweebs telling me a bunch of LOTR factoids in my social media reels, but I just realized that ALL of them seem like really nice people.

It’s also ok to block anyone who says “I’m not a fan but he has a point here….”

People used to tweet "Le sigh" and think it was a personality.

"I'm time travelin' Abe Lincoln and I like your modern shaving razors."

4 Chan favors the bald.

FINALLY! Music technology has unlocked the sheer power of the hard boiled egg.

Few remember that the original tagline was "You're gonna need a bigger force to be with you."

My followers talking about my posts.

FINALLY! Music technology has unlocked the sheer power of the hard boiled egg.

I think 30 Rock is one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, and it's not even that old, but I feel it's fallen COMPLETELY off the radar. Don't think teens or people in their 20s care about it. I have a theory why: despite Tina Fey being INSANELY talented and funny, she and the show have no soul.

My followers talking about my posts.

Thre are exactly NO good covers of David Bowie's Heroes. Oddly, I've never really heard a bad one either, but none have ever come close to achieving the original. It's probably his most covered song, but it's the intangibles. You can't cover it well.

Few remember that the original tagline was "You're gonna need a bigger force to be with you."

I know you're all impressed Chalemet learned to play guitar for the Dylan movie and ping pong for the Marty Supreme movie, but I'm more impressed by all of the sweat and urine he drank for the Dune movie.

London in the good old days - before everyone's feet pointed forwards.

Someone already said "Sorry to Bother You," which is mine, but second place David Lynch's "Straight Story" just for the symbolic power of the woman who cannot drive to work without hitting and killing deer no matter how hard she tries. She loves deer. But must work.

Sorry To Bother You

Alright, here's a list of 12 beloved characters who have entered public domain in 2026: 1. Chin Foo, the Tricky Chinaman 2. Paul Blart, Railway Inspector 3. Our Man Bigglesworth 4. The Baptized Baby Blood Drinking Gang* (*Except Rubinstein, who was remimagined and republished during the Red Scare)

I really like One Battle After Another. Everyone was great, but w/o Benicio Del Torro's character and performance there is no movie. He is the soul and theme that ties it all together and elevates the material. I can't imagine what the script was before they made Act III changes because of him.

Fortune favors the bold. Luck favors the italics. Prosperity favors Helvetica.

Going into 2026 like.

Right into my veins.

Oh good. We needed to update the Drake meme anyway.

Who you should waste your breath explaining politics to: 1. Bigots: No. 2. Poor people who hate Dems because they're getting fucked all the time: Yes 3. Dems who think Clinton and Obama were as progressive as times would allow: No. It's a big tent, but not that big.

Maybe we can convert MAGA if we pronounce it the Cummunist Pedophesto?

People upset that Mamdani was sworn in an a Koran deserve ABSOLUTELY no response. This is supposed to be America. How fucking DARE you tell anyone that being American means being a Christian. That is a level of saying the quiet part out loud that simply can't be countenanced.

It shouldn't be this easy to make me cry. But when nearly every Dem and Republican of my adult life has been an empty suit mouthpiece to corporations, this fucking destroyed me.

Alright, here's a list of 12 beloved characters who have entered public domain in 2026: 1. Chin Foo, the Tricky Chinaman 2. Paul Blart, Railway Inspector 3. Our Man Bigglesworth 4. The Baptized Baby Blood Drinking Gang* (*Except Rubinstein, who was remimagined and republished during the Red Scare)

Ok ok I have another one Going into 2026 like…

In these volatile times, I'm placed in the difficult position of trying to acquire enough wealth for my loved ones' safety in the event of Apocalypse, but not so much that I'm first against the wall if the Revolution comes.

This thing with Internet famous millennials dying? I don't like it. Not a fan. Make me sad. I recommend not having that.

Picture of the staff that operate my account

On this New Year’s, to my handful of significant exes: I’m sorry and I forgive you. Wait! Not you. And not you either. But the other two.

I'm Gen X and I'd rather die alone than go on one date with a centrist.

She sure is, but maybe a dude who raised millions of dollars for Biden to help destroy Bernie (presumably because he hated either universal health care or paying taxes) & then told the NYT how neurologically compromised Biden was should shut the fuck up and never do another fucking thing?

My Australian friend likes to say "Hello from the future" every New Year's and I still call her my bestie. 🤷

The only good thing that happened in 2025 was finding out there will never be a Spinal Tap 3.