I used to think that when global warming begins to truly bite and there are blackouts and mass deaths, it would be blamed on Muslims or single black women. But I guess they're just going to go with generic "communism."

In one of the funniest wrong calls of history, John Adams predicted 250 years ago that July 2 would be celebrated as "the most memorable epocha in the history of America." He was excited by a short resolution, now totally forgotten, approved by the Continental Congress on July 2.

Both your dog and your cat will eat you if you die and you're undiscovered for days, but only your dog will feel guilty about it. (Pictured: Your cat sleeping peacefully after eating you.)

"Curiosity killed the cat" is a pretty judgey statement from a species that invented nuclear weapons

If terrorists are willing to put in this much work, honestly they deserve to win

It was good to see Bill Maher getting the Mark Twain Prize at the Kennedy Center on Sunday night. If there's anything Mark Twain was about, it was an unfunny hate-filled misogynist love of imperial violence.

This one sneering tweet somehow explains and encapsulates everything about how corporate Democrats managed to lose to Donald Trump twice

This Danville, VA city council candidate made a very dramatic video about sidewalks and public safety, and I love it and him. Worrying about a possible milkshake duck situation, I looked at his FB page, but he seems ok. Juneteenth celebrations, community outreach, Methodists. A solid old gent.

may have to rethink getting my entire political worldview from John Hinkley

Here Megyn Kelly, who's Irish Catholic, repeats every 19th century slur about Irish immigrants but now it's about Haitians. I have faith Haitians will assimilate to America so well that eventually they'll be saying all this stuff about, I dunno, people from Suriname.

twitter algorithm working perfectly

Not sure about this one, The Hateful Eight came out during the presidency of Barack Obama

talk about the Mandate of Heaven

Humans never got the chance to fight dinosaurs in their prime, but I'm still proud that we're really giving it to chickens

I dreamed I had eight toes on my left foot, and was just noticing it now. How had I never realized this before, I asked myself.

The NYT Alan Greenspan obituary says he oversaw "a period of immense wealth creation." In reality, his time at the Fed from 1987-2006 was a period of average GDP growth — BUT the growth that there was flooded to America's richest people, making them think it was a period of immense wealth creation.

one of the funniest things to me about the "objectivity in journalism" crowd is that for most of the last half century, nbc news' chief foreign affairs & chief washington correspondent andrea mitchell has been sleeping with fed chief alan greenspan and no one bats an eye lmao

It feels inevitable that we'll end up having to pay the algae in the reflecting pool $300 billion

In the 1990s Iraqi TV used to broadcast letters from viewers explaining why they loved Saddam Hussein. The head of the network would cut some of the more slavishly embarrassing ones, until Saddam stepped in, rightfully angry at these media elites with disdain for the working class.

This country has been going downhill ever since we discarded the wisdom of The Founders that the candidate who got the second-most votes would be Vice President

"Highly paid" is very funny. That's why people join Hezbollah's military wing, for the excellent pay and benefits.

You have to have lived here a long time to understand how funny the right's frothing about NY crime is. 30 years ago I came home once & someone had been shot in the head & was lying in the gutter across the street. That corner now has a crepe restaurant.

*laughs nervously* what the fuck? www.wsj.com/lifestyle/fi...

It's funny to hear from a Reuters reporter about "what [Hezbollah] describes as occupied Lebanese territory." Reuters was founded by Paul Reuter, who literally purchased Iran in 1872. This was so unpopular the deal was quickly canceled & I guess Reuters is still mad about it.

I am not kidding when I say the day will come when Israel's leaders will make us miss the humanity and rationality of Ben-Gvir

Say what you want about Hamas, at least they didn't complain when Israelis shot back on October 7

I made a short film about losing my wallet while legally homeless in the US—& the bureaucratic, Kafka-like terror which followed to prove I existed. This is threat facing millions of USians who are legally homeless and/or unsheltered. (With @propublica.org & @brian-goldstone.bsky.social cameos)

The US always feels it has to "reestablish deterrence" after a loss by massacring someone weak & totally unconnected. Eg, the Mayaguez incident, the invasion of Grenada, Operation El Dorado Canyon, etc. So for the next few months Venezuelan fisherman should be extremely careful.

After Colin Powell's Iraq WMD presentation at the UN in 2003, Susan Rice proclaimed that Powell "has proved that Iraq has these weapons and is hiding them, and I don’t think many informed people doubted that"

A millionaire complaining about a trillionaire is as ironic as a thousandaire complaining about a billionaire

Next up: We attack Greenland and somehow end up having to pay them $800 billion

one of the oldest running dialogues in history is "war is a massively complicated political, bureaucratic, and logistical endeavor" vs. "fuck you pussy, war is when you're a fucking badass, oh shit I lost"

liberal democracies will never be safe with musk this powerful—they must unite to break him my latest with @newrepublic.com c/a @gregsargent.bsky.social newrepublic.com/article/2119...

Instant follow of Síomha Hennessy for this uncanny impression of my general gestalt instagram.com/p/DZKW-7MgoEy/

Here is a public service announcement filmed by the Dallas Cowboys in the 1980s, and I promise that you would not correctly guess who pops up at the end if I gave you 10,000 tries

What @nathantankus.bsky.social says here about attending one of Peter Thiel's secret conferences rings true to me. The people who run the world are not super-geniuses lying to the proles. It's even more frightening: the ultra-rich believe what they say in public & are functionally insane.

Foals are born with legs 90% as long as an adult's, and within 24 hours can run as fast as their mothers. I've been imagining what it would be like if human babies were like that and it is highly disturbing.

If Obama cares about world peace and making the US-Iran ceasefire stick, he will start talking loudly about how he wanted to do exactly what Trump's done but was too scared

Assault the band-aid. Humidify the threshold. LOL the stratosphere. Resign from Saturn. Tippy-toe. On your marks. Bowdlerize the whiskey sours, and 100% codify the Buddha's philtrum.

Some personal news: I will diminish, and go into the West

Congratulations to Allegra Levy for winning our 2-K jingle competition! And congratulations to these 6-year-olds for knowing a lot about numbers...for example: "Knicks in 5" and "2-K starts this fall."

It used to be that your children were being eaten by the Witches/Jews/Others, but now your pets are being eaten by Haitians. This shows humanity is still innovating in the Blood Libel Space.

Congratulations to whoever came up with the twist where humanity's first Space Trillionaire is an obscurantist who hates rationality and science. I honestly did not see that coming.

I am deeply opposed to Trump's purported deal with Iran — partly because it is a strategic defeat for the US and the forces of freedom, but mostly because vicious ultra-violence is the only thing that makes me feel alive

Iranians are extremely lucky we did not end up freeing them as hard as we freed Iraqis

Kitty just saying hi for, uh, no particular reason or ulterior motive at all. Photo from my collection no date/info.

🎶 I’ll be out on your lawn, covered in snot 🎶 www.youtube.com/watch?v=adl6...

Happy 80th birthday Donald Trump! He was just the first of three US presidents born in two months in 1946: Trump June 14th Bush July 6th Clinton August 19th All evaded fighting in Vietnam, all sent US soldiers to kill and die around the world.